Moderated by
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
Licensed Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 11th, 2019 7:10am
You can decide if you want to tell your partner that you cheated on him. The news has to be given to him in safe and secure environment with the help of professional practitioner. You could also find a specialist who is specialize in partner counseling who could invite you and your boyfriend to counseling sessions wherein you could expression to him. With the help of counseling, you and your partner could be able to talk about it with the help of someone to know the impacts on the safety and well being on you and your partner.
That is a tricky question. Honesty is the best policy in my opinion. It can be hard to be honest, especially telling your partner about another relationship you’ve had(even if it was a one night stand). If he loves you, the two of you can find a way to get past it. If he is upset you were honest, then it might be best, unfortunately, to move on. My best friend tried to get my now fiancé to cheat on me with her and it was really difficult, but we talked about it and i was able to forgive both of them, but she and I are no longer friends. Good luck!!
Well yes it’s the right thing to do, you’ll feel much better once you’ve got the secret out of your system. Like they say, honestly is the best policy. Cheating is wrong and you know that. You should really speak to them about it.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2018 5:25pm
It’s always best to be open and honest. Keeping things in will only cause guilt and shame which can really take a toll on your life. The best thing to do in your situation is to be honest but not be surprised with the reaction you receive. We all make mistakes, some are more forgiving of those mistakes than others.
Now I do not know your boyfriend or the situation; however, I think that you should definitely tell your boyfriend. Keeping a secret and harboring guilt will hurt your relationship, him, and you. Instead, find a good time to calmly discuss what happened and how bad you feel. He might leave or be upset, but that is human nature. I'm sure it is better in the long run to tell him now.
now ideally you should. But if you want to continue relationship with your boyfriend and you don't have any intention to see the other person any more, please consider advantages and disadvantages of being truthful. Its appreciative that you are feeling guilty. But think of its consequences on your relationship. However if you do not want to continue with your boyfriend, it is always good to come clean and give them the right reason of breaking up. This gives better closure to things.
Yes. if i were you, id wanna make sure your the one to tell him and not the other person or their friends. PLus, itll take off a heavy weight off your cheast.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2018 3:11am
Yes, it’s very important to share with your significant other that you had an affair. The longer it’s kept secret the worse of an impact it’ll have.
To have a clean Karma, better be true and let destiny do the best. Maybe if you discussed this with him, he will nderstand your situation
Anonymous
August 10th, 2018 6:25am
Yes, because in the long run you feel really guilty. It's better for him to know now than later. I hope this helps you make your decision:)
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 8:38pm
Yes. Better late than never. The longer you keep it from him, the more hurt he'll be when you do tell him or if he happens to find out.
As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. You don't want him to find out on his own. Forgiveness is given more often to those who admit their mistakes rather than hide them.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 7:20pm
As much as you don't want to admit that you have cheated, if you tell you may feel a sense of relief. Even if things don't end well you can at least say that you were honest.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2018 3:00pm
Yes. It may not seem like the best decision, but it’s better to tell the truth and have an honest relationship and just hope he forgives you. It’s always better to tell the truth and know it may not end well than hide the truth and keep secrets. Yes, he may decide your guys’ relationship isn’t for him, but if you don’t tell him the guilt will eat away at you. Tell him right away when it happens rather than wait and have him be more upset that you kept it from him for so long. You can choose to do the right thing and tell the truth. Even if it doesn’t seem like the right choice.
Anonymous
August 30th, 2018 7:19pm
Well if you still like and care about him then by all means you should tell him what happened! I know this might feel risky and scary but its really the only way to make peace with yourself and with him as well. You won't achive much if you try to hide it anyways , he would find it out sooner or later anyhow.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2018 7:26pm
Yes, it’s important to be honest and if you’ve cheated your heart can’t be in the relationship anymore so why waste your time as well as theirs? It will hurt however could you imagine further down the line the impact of it? It could leave even more scares for your partner, scares which they’ll carry with them for he rest of their life and probably impact/affect their other relationships. It’s also important when telling your boyfriend and being unfaithful that you explain and answer any questions for closure - it’s not fair to leave the other party with unanswered questions that may haunt them. Not telling them would be a lie that would haunt you for some time!
Anonymous
September 5th, 2018 9:33pm
Honesty in a relationship should be the number one priority besides loyalty, telling your boyfriend that you cheated will not only show that you are honest it will also make you feel better, since it won’t be festering in your mind creating more lies, back stories and anxiety. Sit down with your boyfriend and have a one to one conversation about this, if you say it face to face he will appreciate your honesty more, if you are honest with him and yourself from the beginning there will less likely be tension or paranoia between you both within the relationship.
I think that you should. Honesty is an important part of a relationship. If you want this relationship to prosper and if you want things to work out then i suggest you tell him. It may hurt and things may not turn out the way that you would like but at least you are being "real" with him and telling him you messed up. Trust is also another important thing for a relationship to have. You may have to earn his trust back but being HONEST helps as well. I hope that this has helped you in at least some way.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2019 7:19am
One should always be true to oneself before others. Everyone commits a mistake and the sooner one accepts it, the better it becomes, I would not give you an advice on it but would certainly ask you to tell him about what you did so that you both can take ample amount of time, decide on what has to be done and don't end up on bad terms. The world has a lot of hatred already, let's not build up more.
Have patience and tell him. You know him the best, you know what will happen.
All the best. Accept your mistake, it will be so difficult for him but he is not to be blamed.
Have a good day. :)
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2019 6:02pm
Cheating on someone is obviously not being loyal in a relationship, where your heart should only be in one place - with your boyfriend. Whatever the reasons behind your actions, they aren't right and I do think your boyfriend deserves to know, no matter what the consequences are. Maybe you are scared that he will end the relationship, and I can't promise that he won't, but if he does then that is a justified reaction and it's your choice where you go from there. Maybe he will make the relationship work but you would have to prove your loyalty. Good luck. Tell your boyfriend you cheated.
Every relationship should be transparent for better future. Holding a dark secret for a person who really loves an values you won't be fair for him. Of course, admitting the truth of cheating won't be easy as well but it is the right way to carry on a true relationship. Everybody does a mistake. When you are so emotional and you want to look for help from your lover but he is busy at that moment. But someone always welcome your questions and listen to your words. Time by time, you guys get closer and things happen. Another possible scenario of cheating is when you get drunk and things happen. What was done is done, friend. You know the most about who is the most valuable person for you. My suggestion for this question will be " Yes, please tell him at the right time". Life is a lot better living with transparency with no regrets.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2019 7:06pm
Cheating has so many reasons, look for the reasons why you have cheated on him in the first place and try to makeup your mind. Everyone deserves to know the truth specially when it comes to something important like cheating , so I think it's the best for you to tell him you cheated on him , even if he breaks up with you, you did the right thing because again, everyone deserves to know the truth so tell him and instead of making excuses apologize to him for what you did ,
Good luck hope you'll figure it out soon
Honesty, while scary sometimes, often leads to the most clear and hopefully best outcomes for any situation. It might be painful to tell the truth and the consequences might be hard to deal with but in the long run I believe everyone will suffer less than if a secret is kept. Also, I find most humans to be surprisingly compassionate, understanding, and forgiving. If you come at it from a place of authenticity, open to exploring why you cheated, and also open to genuinely hearing how your boyfriend feels, recognising his emotions...things might resolve themselves in healthier way. It takes a lot of courage.
You got two scenarios:
1-If you want the relationship to continue then you have to tell him the truth , at the beginning it will be hard for him to forgive you BUT he must know that you told him the truth because you didnt want to hide it ,because you really regret and you want to fix things between you , beside that you should make things clear why did you that and why you will never do it again
Then it will be his choice,
2-The other scenario that you might hide it and he will know sooner or later the truth and he definitely will break up with you
IF this is someone that you love I strongly suggest that you do tell him. Keeping that secret is actually worse than the cheating itself. It will be up to him decide where to go from there. You likely don't want to tell him because you are afraid of losing him. If it were me, I'd rather you tell me to be honest. It's up to you, but yes you should tell him at least that is my opinion. You have nothing without trust. Tell him before someone else does. The worse feeling in the world is to find out from another person. hope it works out for you. you can reach out to me for support if you'd like.
I belive that you should always be honest in a relationship, no matter how bad the mistake was. I think that you should tell him that you cheated, with who, and why you did. He deserves to know why you weren't giving him your heart completely. Especially if you guys were dating a long time, then that's even more vital, because he shouldn't find out any other way than from you. It would create a lot more stress and pain if he found out from anyone else. Someone is bound to tell eventually anyways. The best way is to be honest and make no excuses.
Your boyfriend should know that truth, that there has been a gap between your relationship, it is best so that way maybe in the future you two can have more trust, and he will trust you more if you tell him the truth about what is going on. If you cheated on him, it's is ok your are not the only person in the world but he has the right to know. Hope this helps.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2018 3:43am
Honesty and trust is an essential to any relationship. You might not be the best relationship partners but you might be more fit as friends. Plus, the longer you wait the longer you have to worry over your decision. You could tell him that you cheated, tell him why, and do it when you’re ready. Hopefully you guys can still be friends after everything or you can find a way to work it out. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend. Just remember, telling him is your decision, nobody can tell you to.
You should tell your boyfriend you cheated, the longer you keep it a secret the harder it is going to be for you and him. Its not going to be easy but try to gently tell him. The sooner you tell him the better it will be for both of you as it wont cause that big of a drift if he find out much later from someone else than he will feel like you lied to him, instead tell him yourself and as soon as possible. Its going to be difficult but he has to know but do not let things get out of hand when you tell him.
You should tell your boyfriend that you cheated, it's only fair to him and yourself. Honesty and communication is the most important in a relationship. If you want to continue on your relationship with your boyfriend he deserves the truth, and you shouldn't avoid it. Don't beat yourself up for it though, we all make mistakes but we forgive those we truly love and care for in whatever they do. Don't repeat those same mistakes, and learn how to forgive and accept yourself. If this continues to bother you, it's best you tell your boyfriend and talk about it and decide from there where you want the relationship to go together.
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