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How can I stop being insecure?

38 Answers
Last Updated: 02/16/2021 at 8:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
June 5th, 2015 12:45pm
Some insecurity is natural, but for some, it can be too frequent, too intense. The natural varieties of insecurity arise in life situations which we are unprepared to deal with. We all face these sometimes. Maybe it’s public speaking, or some other occasional stressor. These can be dealt with by study, preparation, rehearsal, venting (on 7 cups!), etc; however, unhealthy insecurity is more persistent. It floods relationships and projects, thwarting need-fulfillment, and is sometimes called low self-esteem. I’ve lived with this for decades, and with help from a friend, I’m managing it. Here’s what works for me: Close your eyes. Find that child-self from the past, of whom you're most ashamed. Go over and embrace him, saying "You’re okay. You were just a little boy, doing the best you knew how.” Insecurity can be a signal of reticent self-hatred, it takes energy to maintain that! Acceptance of the reality that you qualify for as much love as the next person, can free up all that energy, which you can use for extending attention outside of the wounded self-concept; for kindness or simply attention to close family, academic cohorts, professional connections or others. My watchword: "Charity starts at home." Insecurity of course has its fertilizing effect of pushing people to achieve to “prove themselves”. So, in overcoming it, we then have to find new strategies for motivation in getting things done. That is a discussion largely outside the scope of this entry, but a few questions are included to foster critical thinking: How does self-acceptance affect your job, hobby or artistic performance? Can you still achieve progressive goals without relying on social recognition as a barometer to measure your self-worth? What drives naturally secure people to achieve?
April 9th, 2015 3:54am
A little homework. Ask your 2-3 close friends to write 10 good things about you. Keep them with you . This is your self esteem folder. Know that everyone feels insecure. This vulnerablity makes us human. Avoid people who make you insecure. Surround yourself with supportive people. Know that 8nsecurity is invisible. no one sees yours because they are too busy with their own insecurities .
November 22nd, 2014 8:16pm
You can stop being insecure by getting up everyday and telling yourself you're beautiful. Take little time out everyday and remind yourself the good things about yourself and slowly but surely you will start loving yourself and you will become more confident in your skin
December 19th, 2014 6:40am
Well, like most things, it's a long process. But, positive self talk goes a long way! One thing I learned was to say four positive things every time you catch yourself saying/thinking something negative. This is hard, and it is hard to catch yourself thinking negatively sometimes, but particularly when you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, your situation, and how others may view you it can be a great tool to stop and tell yourself four good things. Bonus points if they are positive things about yourself or your situation. :)
December 25th, 2014 4:38pm
You can start to accept yourself for who you are - insecurities, flaws, failures, and the good stuff. We all have insecurities to a degree. We can't let them overshadow our entire identity though. It's can be hard work, but it's totally worth it. Loving and caring for yourself is a prerequisite to a wonderful joyous life.
January 2nd, 2015 12:22pm
Never ask for anyone's approval of yourself. Do not question your traits and do not compare it with others. Understand that we are all different in many ways and those many ways, you find your own beauty. There is no fat, skinny, tall, short, pretty, ugly, smooth-skinned, freckled face, white, brown, or black in confidence. All you got to have is the REAL you to gain confidence... and live it.
November 20th, 2017 2:04am
You can look in the mirror, look at yourself and tell yourself that you are an amazing and bautiful person. If you stare long enough, you will always be able to find some sort of imperfection; nobody's perfect. but, trust me on this when I say that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is perfectly imperfect. Sometimes, your flaws are what people love about you. Just keep that in mind.
November 14th, 2014 2:47pm
By doing things that will make you feel good and improve your self-esteem. Also try changing the way you think about thing [Watch the video on Automatic thoughts].
November 17th, 2014 2:35am
Believe in yourself. It's a long process, but worth it. Everyone is insecure about something. Hard work and belief is the biggest help. Accept the things you can't change.
November 19th, 2014 6:42pm
I don't think being insecure is something you can just turn off. I think the best way to help with your insecurities is tell yourself things that you currently don't believe. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel ugly but I tell myself five times that I look good and am pretty and it helps my overall outlook.
November 24th, 2014 4:59am
Surround yourself with good people, people you can trust, and then it goes all with the flow. Tell yourself some optimistic sentences
December 4th, 2014 1:56pm
Tell a friend about your situation and your friend will always be there to help you and support you.
November 17th, 2015 2:22pm
I think feeling insecure is a state of mind. As you can be happy, sad, angry,... I think starting a new activity can restart you mood: exciting your 5 senses help you change your mood and over time, it helps greatly. For example: eating or cooking something new, discovering new tastes, starting a new book, listening a new style of music, starting a sport, meditation, yoga... There are plenty of activity to change your state of mind. Moreover you also learn. By learning I mean growing, perceiving things differently, opening your mind. Can you still feel insecure when you are engaged in activity you like ?
November 30th, 2015 3:16pm
I would try to beat my fears. Step by step and maybe with the help of a friend who knows about your struggles. If you can overcome those fears, you will be more confident. Even if it's hard at the beginning.
December 1st, 2015 3:26am
Find all the perfections about yourself, make yourself feel good, dress in clothes that look good to YOU! not anyone else, do things for yourself that make you feel good!
January 5th, 2016 12:42pm
I sometimes feel insecure myself, but I try to replace my insecurity with gratefulness (plus a bit of ignorance is good too). Why ignorance? One of the reason of insecurity is about pleasing other people. But as a matter of fact, you can't please everyone. Just be yourself and try to think about yourself first before listening to others opinion.
January 15th, 2016 5:36pm
By re-exploring your belief system, by being fully present in the moment. Recognizing that you are a consciousness at this instant and that the former or future selves are only illusions. Are you happy now? Are you safe now? Are you healthy now? Are you living with ease now? Is there a threat in sight? Is it rational or irrational? These are questions worth asking.
January 16th, 2016 4:02pm
It helps to look acknowledge the things that you're good at and the things that you like about yourself. What helps even more is acknowledging the fact that you are insecure of something about yourself--that way, you'll be able to act on it and make an effort to overcome your insecurities. Talk to someone close to you, someone you trust about your insecurities so you can have an idea of how others see you, and also so they can help you overcome your insecurities. You are a beautiful person! Believe that you are. :)
January 17th, 2016 5:17am
When anyone be insecure, tell him/her that I am always with him/her. if insecure to other reason, I tell him/her that you should contact with police or any law person. otherwise contact them via
January 20th, 2016 4:06am
Learn that flaws make you unique and human. If you're insecure about anything, know that everyone has insecurities and they're normal. The only way to keep them out of your head is to try and embrace them.
January 21st, 2016 12:59am
Love yourself first before you think about what anyone thinks. You feel great if you enjoy everything about you & only you can judge yourself.
January 22nd, 2016 4:37pm
Everyone is not perfect, and what they do is the best they can do. Just like you. You do the best you can.
January 23rd, 2016 2:42pm
just believe in yourself. you are totally worth it. i have been really self conscious however by time i learned that i shouldnt really because everyone is beautiful.. everynight before you sleep just say one sentence that makes you feel good and it will help boost your self esteem. lastly dont focus yor self esteem on other peoples opinion
- Expert in Managing Emotions
January 27th, 2016 2:35am
Insecurity only leads to more issues emotionally. Always remember that no one can make you feel insecure but yourself. If you are confident and secure you will see that the energy around you change to be positive. Even the people around you will be more positive.
January 27th, 2016 10:16am
build up your own self esteem with doing things that make yourself feel good both inside and out and hobbies interests or find a counselor that help you with your self esteem and self worth
February 3rd, 2016 3:22am
Part of that is coming to accept who you are. Learn to understand that life isn't about being the "best" at anything; rather, it's about being the best you can be.
February 5th, 2016 7:03am
It's not something you can do overnight. It comes from within. Your insecurities come from the way you see yourself and how you allow others to control that as well. Pick one thing you like about yourself and work from there. Then pick all the things you want to change about yourself and tackle the more reasonable fixable ones. Once you learn to love yourself and realize what an amazing person you are you'll be ok. Those little imperfections make you who you are. You are amazing. Never forget that
February 5th, 2016 4:37pm
Work on ways to improve your self confidence ? For example, focus on your positive traits and remind yourself of the good things that you accomplished today or did for others? Think about your strengths,and accept your flaws. Nobody is perfect, after all.
February 6th, 2016 5:37am
Fake it till you make it. I didn't think that was possible before I tried it out for myself. Try to see the best in yourself and don't be afraid to show it. It might be hard at first, but after a while you'll start feeling much better about yourself, trust me. :)
February 6th, 2016 7:06am
Insecurity, nervousness and anxiety may have a number of different reasons, from purely psychological to psychosomatic to purely somatic, just as with depression. A good start is to look at what situations make you insecure and also take a closer look at how you think and interpret those situations, and which feelings are then generated. Take a note of the steps involved and look at each one, and reflect on the thoughts and behaviour that follow to see if you can change something.