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How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.

176 Answers
Last Updated: 12/23/2021 at 3:59am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
November 9th, 2016 12:30pm
Closure is a difficult one in my opinion as so much can remind you of an ex from hearing their first name to going to a place where you liked to go on dates. Whilst in love we are blinded to the negatives of a person so take time to think what was bad about this person. The negatives may then counter the positives.
January 4th, 2017 10:03pm
Closure is different for everyone. Getting rid of all things that are your ex's. Joining a craft class. Writing in a journal. You know time is the best thing though. And to feel what you need to. To cry and let things go. You will know when the chapter is closed fully from your ex.
January 18th, 2017 9:20am
Closure from an ex is a healthy thing. But 'how to' is dependent on the circumstances. Who initiated the break-up? Was it harsh and painful or do you both agree and do you keep in contact? Often, it is helpful to write your feelings in a journal and also your future goals. Try to overcome your feelings one by one until you've reached closure. And please give 'time' a chance. It's difficult to be patient, but very effective! Good luck!
February 15th, 2017 3:27am
Stop all communication with your ex for at least a week. This can leave you emotionally unavailable to move on. And when you feel like you are ready arrange a meeting somewhere public to discuss whatever might be left to decide.
February 19th, 2017 9:41am
If you need to closure, the best thing to do is settle any fights that you have had. You should cut them off from social media and stop messaging them through texting. If you still don't know why you they broke up with you (if they ended the relationship) it is important that you know so that you can move on.
February 25th, 2017 2:14pm
It's a problem, because 50% depends on the ex. And what do you do if ex is shitty and refuses to help you settle things with yourself? I've been there and it sucks. The good part is that real closure is not about the other actually, or his output (although ex could really help, by talking). The real closure is with Yourself. And what I found is the best route to get out of the whole, is to recheck and redecide what is good and what is bad, and judge every little aspect, every little memory. "Do I want this from now on? Is this what I like? Is this good or not? Do I want this in the future if presented again?" Because, rebuilding the belief system, your value system, will do everything else, not immediately, but in time, it requires some time, but it's 100% sure you will be settled with everything this way, no matter how tough it was. I'm living proof (coming out from a hellish relationship)
March 1st, 2017 4:49pm
I say that you have any belonging of his/her then I recommend that you go to them, give them their belongings, say goodbye, and leave. Having things that remind you of them wont help you move or or for any case get you to feel closure. Secondly is find the reason why you guys broke up. Listen to what he/she has to you and look at it from their perspective. I believe that most people need to listen and here the things that ruined a relationship to get the closure that they need.
March 8th, 2017 12:13pm
Gaining a sense of closure on a past relationship can be challenging, especially when you are no longer speaking to your ex or comfortable being around your ex. Though getting over a relationship takes time, you can move forward by creating distance between you and the relationship, focusing on processing your emotions, and planning for a future without the relationship.
April 9th, 2017 3:36am
You can talk to your ex and try to explain your feeling to that person, let them know how you felt after the breakup and how you feel now. Apologize for anything you feel is your fault and let them know that you needed the closure to be able to move on with your life.
April 26th, 2017 7:00am
To get closure from an ex, ask them any questions you have been wanting to ask them & have them explain why the relationship doesn't seem to be working out for them, then you can work on those areas in future relationships.
April 26th, 2017 9:12pm
To get closure, you must forgive either him or yourself for whatever happened. You have to stop looking back at the past and look ahead for the future. Cut all ties with him, return anything that was given and give your final goodbye. It may be hard and may even feel wrong at first but the first step to move on is forgiveness.
May 5th, 2017 11:04pm
One of the preferred methods is to write a letter and write your heart it. You can decide whether to send it or not and in which form. This translates all of your emotions onto the paper and gives closure.
May 11th, 2017 4:36pm
This can be really hard because depending on how it ended there may be a lot of loose strings. I would say the best way to get closure is to invest in yourself and realize you are still the same person you were before and during the relationship, and now you have the opportunity to learn and move forward. You don't need them to be the best you, and realizing that is incredibly empowering.
May 28th, 2017 11:46pm
I know how you feel when it comes to closure, wanting to make things right. Personally I think that the best thing that you could do to get closure would be to talk to them. Try and make them understand how you feel and talk to them and find out what they are feeling. Talking is them best form of communication. The only way to get closure is to understand.
June 16th, 2017 11:04am
Closure is something that many people search for and never find. You may never find closure from your ex but coming to terms that the relationship is over is the first step to closure with yourself.
June 23rd, 2017 1:58pm
One thing that I know has helped me in the past is actually getting together with my ex to discuss what happened. Make sure that this is in a public place so that there is little chance of verbal or physical abuse, even if this was not an issue during the relationship. Discuss calmly what happened, why it happened, and that you are not entirely over it.
July 8th, 2017 12:35am
Sit down with them and tell them that you need closure. It's best to be straight-forward and honest because if you are honest about wanting closure, he/she is going to feel comfortable with giving you closure
August 11th, 2017 4:54am
If you can talk to your ex then sit down and tell them what you need. If you cannot, if it would hurt too much or if they aren't interested in talking then sit down and write a letter to your ex and then one to yourself about what you'd like to say and what you'd like to know. You may or may not have your ex involved but you can purge yourself of all your feelings and emotions, write it out, read it and then put it away for another time when you feel you need to see it or burn it. Just get it all out.
August 12th, 2017 4:25pm
Dealing with an closure from an ex is difficult and takes time but it's possible, accept the change and realize things are now different between the two of you as a first step and remember it's okay to cry and be upset about this. Then once you can accept this, try to either pick up a new hobby or continue on in one you already enjoy to fill the time or space that was put aside for the significant other who is no longer in your life. Next you should establish some new goals, like meeting someone new or starting a new job for a positive change in your life or simply a clean slate to begin again with.
August 17th, 2017 3:22am
It's something between the two of you and what had happened. Talk together if you both want or decide to maybe schedule a time to talk. Remember you can always be friends with an ex but of course its your choice in life what you decide to do. If you ex needs time, then respect that as well because some people need time. They say time heals and for some people it does while others it don't. Just don't demand anything from your ex.
September 7th, 2017 11:38pm
Depending on what the situations is or was.. Is it safe to see them and get the needed closure? If it isn't write a letter. For me closure was something sometimes hard to get. I had a great boyfriend in 2011/2012. He talked to my dad about marriage and proposal. He was the ideal guy! He got physically abusive with me. Not even a week later he broke up with me on social media! (Days before my birthday and less than a week til our 1 year anniversary). I took it hard. Once I moved on and was engaged I knew I couldnt give my then fiance my whole heart til I had closure. So I go to visit. Probably the worst thing to do but it made me feel better knowing his family missed me. He wasn't there to talk to. But his mom helped me get the closure I needed. Then a few months afterwards my then fiance cheated and broke up with me. It hurt and I needed closure all over again. But didn't seek it with that relationship. Sometimes closure can do more damage. Just make sure you are safe and okay.
October 19th, 2017 1:47pm
From personal experience, I'd say just talk to them about it. Be straightforward, but reassure them that you will not force them back into a relationship. If they agree, please allow them their space and avoid comments that might indicate you still need the relationship. I'd met with my ex a couple of times after the breakup. It was a hard, but with each meeting, his behavior made it easier for me to push myself away from him. I believe it isn't so much your ex that helps you get closure; it is your belief and perspective that changes and allows you to accept that relationship is over.
October 27th, 2017 12:41am
Sometimes we think we need closure from someone else to be able to move on. In reality, even if we say all the things we need to say, we will never get the response from that person that we think we need. Closure needs to come from us in the realisation that that person is not what we thought they were. The realisation that they will never make us feel better can be just what we need.
November 11th, 2017 9:47pm
Try to talk to that person how you feel. Also, it is important to respect their space. Do think through what you are going to say and think about how you would feel if someone said that to you.
November 12th, 2017 5:30pm
For me, closure from my ex was something I felt i craved, but it never came. My way of dealing with this was simply time. I gave myself time to feel sad and upset about the situation. By not avoiding the feelings or by seeking validation from elsewhere, I was able to really dig in to how I felt and concluded that whatever closure they wished to provide me, I didn't need anymore. By taking time to allow myself to feel, I came out of the situation feeling strong enough to not need the closure any more. Allow yourself some time.
November 16th, 2017 5:54am
The best way to get closure from your ex is to talk to them. Discuss what happened and why. Discuss how you were feeling at the time. If you cannot talk to them. Then it is important to talk to someone. Air the dirty laundry. Get those feelings off your chest. Remember that you cannot always control everything.
November 16th, 2017 7:58pm
Move on,accept the past and learn to love life without them. It may mot be easy at first but the leap of faith will be worth it!!
November 17th, 2017 4:32am
Have you ever thought of sharing these things with close people? You must feel Awkward around him/her
December 26th, 2017 5:51pm
Honestly, I feel to get closure from an ex or any person you must extend to them forgiveness. From experience I have realized the power of forgiveness and talking to a person instead of at them goes a long way. If you still talk to your ex, speak to them as a friend to find out what they was feeling when y'all was together and you express your side and see if y'all can move forward. Many ex's have demons that they faced that they felt they couldn't have shared while with you.
January 6th, 2018 4:47pm
Write down all the lessons learned from the relationship and what it taught you. It's ok to grieve and be sad as long as it doesn't impact your life too much. If you are really suffering talking to a trained therapist may help.