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What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?

183 Answers
Last Updated: 07/31/2020 at 1:06am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
PianoWhisper
June 15th, 2018 2:24am
Sometimes it might be because you feel guilty, or the past is weighing you down. Remember that every day brings new opportunities and perhaps if you feel that way the person may be the problem, not you.
UnfurlingLeaves
June 15th, 2018 11:32pm
Learn to love yourself for who you are. No relationship will be healthy if one person believes they’re not worth the other’s attention. I’m in a relationship where we both believe we’re good for each other, but it’s taken a year of learning and communication to truly feel that way. Don’t focus on why you think you aren’t good enough. It will always make you feel worse.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2018 5:44pm
Think about the reasons that made you feel so. Did that person tell you that directly? If so, its more likely to be his problem than yours. Remember, you don't have to change yourself but improving yourself is good
worldpeace99
July 1st, 2018 10:53pm
I tell them about my feelings and try to talk it out with them. If that does not work, I will try harder and up my game.
Iamhereandicare
July 8th, 2018 6:39pm
Do you love this person? Talk to the person. Tell them how you feel. Communication is very important. You need to be able to express how you feel.
blueVase149
July 12th, 2018 9:14pm
Just try your best and remember that your intentions are far more important and are also worth far more than the results you get.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2018 6:43am
I remind myself that I am good enough for myself and that means a lot. You will always be good enough for yourself. You deserve the world. Don't let anyone take that away from you. You deserve everything.
resourcefulFreedom38
July 14th, 2018 1:30am
When you feel you are not good enough for someone ask yourself what it is about that person that makes you feel inferior. Also, compare yourself against the other person by writing it down. You will see there is not very much difference between you and the other person. Remember, thoughts are just that, thoughts.
ingeniousFriend59
July 18th, 2018 2:16pm
we never know what are the persons desires and wants. it do change with time. its our thought that keep on going in our head suggesting that we are not good for someone, with out knowing anything... so in this kinda situation the only thing that need to be done is that just stop overthinking and keep doing your good work...
athenacleere
July 21st, 2018 2:06am
I understand you might feel you’re not good enough for someone. I would request self motivation and remind yourself that you are enough for anyone.
OnlyAhavah
July 25th, 2018 2:27pm
First off, please consider this question a blessing as well as a growth opportunity, and not a negative experience. The reason I say that is that entering into any relationship where you take the approach that “you are not good enough” is not healthy for you for one major reason: this type of thinking forms “attachments” instead of “connections.” Attachments require that one of the two in the relationship take on a superior role which instantly puts the relationship out of balance and it starts heading for the pain dumpster before it even grew legs to run. If you approach the relationship from the viewpoint of a “connection” the relationship will naturally be in balance and will prosper and allow both people to grow at their natural pace while being accepted by the other person. So, if you change that one statement of “I am not good enough” to “I believe I can give my all to this relationship” then you’ve just started the connection on healthy grounds. As for the “you are not good enough” belief you need to spend some time looking into your past, reviewing the life experiences that you have had that have brought you to this lie that you believe about yourself. You are good enough. I don’t need to know you to believe this fact. You are GOOD ENOUGH! Do a life review, on paper or on the computer. List all your friends, everywhere you’ve lived, how you view your parents and siblings, etc. Make the list as inclusive as possible. This part of this list has a purpose, it sets up reinforcement for you by listing all the good and positive things, experiences and people that have come into or are still in your life. Then, with that as a base focus on the things that hurt you in the past. Maybe you were picked on as a kid because you were a better soccer player, or always blew the bell curve on tests. What specific things did your friends or “enemies” as a kid growing up tell you, that you believed were true, but are lies. Powerful lies because you have accepted them for all these years. Write those lies out on a piece of paper or on a computer and review them. See them for what they really are, baseless accusations and words that have damaged you in many ways. Forgive the person or people who said or did them to you and let it go. You are past those experiences now and are no longer that person. You are BETTER! Once you deal with your past focus on the positive qualities you have now. What do you have to offer someone? This will take some digging and may not be easy, but it will be a lot easier if you took the time to complete the life review process listed above. Make a list of 10 things you are good “for” (not “at”). What do you do to help people? How are you considerate and helpful? What are your plans short and long term to give back to the community, and to the world? What do you do to help yourself and show self-love? You will find no greater fulfillment in life than helping others, even if it’s something simple. If you don’t have much of a list, create new ideas and put them on the list. Then go out into the world and do those. Get the experience! Volunteer to help. Help a neighbor with a project. Check on an elderly neighbor, maybe mow their lawn. The list of “good” things you can do for people are endless, and with the amount of people on this planet that list should be easy to fulfill. When you feel good about yourself and see the good you can do and who you are, you will no longer feel like “you are not good enough” ever again. And, this person you currently feel “you are not good enough” for, include them in this exercise. Help them to grow, help them to not only experience themselves, but get a chance to get to know you as well. This is a huge, and easy way to begin building a relationship, even if it only results in friendship. You will both be better people and have that memory and experience of having shared that growth together. A beautiful, fulfilling experience to say the least. Believe in yourself. Believe you are good. Believe you deserve love. All of these are true, and not a single person on 7cups will contradict this statement. I wish you luck on your journey of shedding the old and experiencing who you were meant to be. Oh, and by the way, when that old companion named “Fear” comes around, tell him you’re busy and don’t have time for him. Kick him off your porch and tell him never to come back, because he will only rob you of what you really want.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2018 9:33pm
I shall improve myself to become a better me. From physical to mental, I will prepare myself until I think I'm good enough.
hopefulWillow86
July 28th, 2018 10:06pm
If you do not feel like you are enough for someone, ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Did they reject you? Have they told you that you are inadequate in some way? Do you feel insecure? Are they acting as if they don't want you around? Whether these feelings are coming from the other person or from within yourself, take a moment to understand your self worth. Spend some time to reflect on the goodness inside of yourself so you can see how great you really are. If you are being rejected by someone in some way it can often be a reflection of what is going on inside of them. However, if you are strong within yourself, you will not have to live up to their expectations if you are already living up to your own.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2018 3:06pm
I look myself in the mirror and say: you are beautiful, you are strong and you are amazing. Everyone who does not see that is unworthy of your care or love. Of course some blind person along the way will consider you not enough but forget about him. Think that you're step closer to finding the "right" one that will see stars in your eyes and his everything in you. When you meet him you'll never have to eonder if you're enough cause they'll make sure you know that you are.
specialRiver83
August 9th, 2018 9:01am
Always remember that nobody is perfect and we are all human beings. We all come in the world the same and all leave the same. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to make you feel less of yourself so in that case if they do make you feel you are not good enough then you need to remind yourself that they are in fact the ones with the insecurities and perhaps are not the best possible person they could be and you wouldn’t want to be with someone who needs to demean another human being.
adaptiveEagle99
August 9th, 2018 7:35pm
You’ll never know how great you can become if you quit on yourself. Everyone will have their own opinions, but only yours should matter.. if you feel that way do you think it’s vise versa and they’re not good for you since you are giving them your all?
sugaryLove79
August 9th, 2018 9:47pm
I wonder what "perfect" is to them. I keep doing what I like, regardless. Not that I ignore them, I just view myself as perfect in my own way.
perusegenesis
October 17th, 2018 6:07pm
I try to think about what I actually appreciate in myself personally. I try to remember myself that the most important thing is for me to be satisfied with the place where I am in life. If I discover that I, myself, am not in fact satisfied, I try to take time to work on myself more, to push myself in a direction I see fitted. That's just how I see things, I guess. I'm curious about other answers, but I am a bit confused about this minimum words requirement, honestly. I'm cheating now, but I don't really have more to say on this as of now.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2018 4:54pm
you are good enough! although it’s hard to believe sometimes, you are. truly. if the person truly loves you then you’re good enough the way you are. if they don’t think you’re good enough, they do not deserve you. struggling with self confidence is common, and it’s not strange to be afraid that your close friends and family are disappointed by you. it’s just anxiety. they aren’t. and if you’re really being effected by this problem, attempt to speak to the person/people about it and truly tell them how you feel and how much it’s effecting you every day
Anonymous
October 20th, 2018 4:01pm
From my personal experience I can only say that communication is key. If you don't talk about it they will probably never know about your feelings. So just let it out and tell them! Being honest is really important. Especially in today's society we tend to keep things to ourselfs and try to work them out on our own. But a relationship will probably be more fulfilling if you share your load with your partner and let them in. They might have never guessed that you would feel like you're not enough for them but instead they feel the same! So I can only encourage you to take your heart into your hands and be honest about it.
NeurologicalNarwhal
December 14th, 2018 3:37am
Your value is not determined by what other people believe your worth to be! If someone believes that you are "not good enough" for them, then those people do not deserve you! There are qualities that you have that make you unique and wonderful. Own your personality and allow yourself to understand that you are important! Everyone has traits that other people may not like, but that does not mean you are not good enough for them. Who you are is someone who is deserving of love, success, and happiness, no matter what anyone says. Acceptance is important, and sometimes, you have to be the person who accepts that you are valued and someone worthy of love.
haveyoumetJuliet
December 16th, 2018 2:53pm
For me, when I feel I am not good enough for someone, I will leave what I have with that person, may it be dating or serious relationship. And I'll focus more on myself. It is our own responsibility to feel good enough for ourselves. This is primarily a self-issue. Whether other people makes us feel good or bad, it's a matter of our consent if we will let them make us feel that way. You can spend more time taking care of yourself, reinventing your mindset, accepting more your imperfections and truly loving yourself. You are more than you give yourself credit for.
Undertheseaaaa
January 26th, 2019 5:50pm
Remind yourself that we're all equal. You are worthy of love and sometimes we can feel a certain way but it doesn't mean It's true. You're much better than you believe you are. We all have days/times that we feel we're not great but believe me you have so many qualities that you're just not yet recognizing or aware of, I'm sure. Just keep reminding yourself how fantastic you are and eventually it will stick. You just have to let yourself believe it. It's what I did.. Every single day (as silly as it sounds) I looked myself in the mirror and told myself I'm good enough. It sticks.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2019 8:55am
Think In a positive way, you are enough! Talk it out with them and get into a positive conversation. Don’t think so down of yourself because everyone is worth it. You are enough for someone. You will find your person and if that person is willing to walk away then it wasn’t meant to be. Only people who matter is people who accept you for you and people who think you are enough will show you that. Everything happens for a reason and you will find your way to your happiness sometime soon because this feeling isn’t forever I promise.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2019 10:58am
In my opinion; I may often feel that I am not good enough for someone when some keeps showing me through their actions that they may not want to be involved with me. After showing me they don't want anything else to do with me, I usually won't bother them anymore. The best thing to do to refrain from hurt being involved is to either stay friends with that individual or stop talking to them all away around. You can usually tell what someone is about due to how they treat you up front. You can also tell through their facial expressions.
LillyCat123
May 11th, 2019 9:49pm
I personally try to communicate with them, ask them if I’m honestly good enough, learn to love my flaws, and try and give myself love every opportunity I can. Try and give yourself a compliment in the mirror once a day, step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you feel a little insecure. Trust me, it eventually starts to feel great. You just need to learn to accept yourself and not care as much about other peoples opinions, because honestly, they’re all irrelevant anyway. Focus on your success and happiness and learn to not care about what people think. If they’re judging you, then they’re the insecure ones. :)
kendogblaze
May 17th, 2019 11:43am
Try to take a step back and evaluate why you feel like you're not "enough." Maybe it's just that you're incompatible, perhaps it's not the right time for you, or maybe there's something about yourself that you could improve. At the end of the day, try to take everything and every relationship as a learning experience. Think of what you could improve about yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean you should change every aspect of yourself so that you could be "enough" in the other person's eyes. What I mean by that is: What are some of the weakest aspects in yourself that you could identify and work towards improving? Think of things you have the power to change. If you find that you run out of things to say too often, consider picking up a new hobby so that you have something to talk about. Do you think you're too scrawny? Consider going to the gym. At times, maybe it's not all your fault. Know that there's not only one person in the world that's compatible with you. You might feel like you're not enough to someone, but to someone else you are. Someone who truly cares about you set your flaws aside and help you build yourself. It might not be possible to ever be "enough," but life is all an ongoing effort to be the best version of yourself you can be.
beautifulsoul247
May 18th, 2019 5:05pm
The fact is we live in a world with a population of over 7 billion people. Therefore, logic argues that there must be at least one person out there who will accept me just the way I am. If I try to be more tolerant, open-minded and accepting of people, surely, how can I miss just one who will do the same for me? In this day and age where the world is a global village, the one for me is just around the corner. I choose to believe so. Even then, I must remind myself from time to time.
SierraRayne
May 23rd, 2019 12:04pm
If you ever feel as if you may not be good enough for somebody of whom you are in a relationship with, have a discussion with that person. It's always best to have a discussion about how you're feeling when it pertains to your relationship, rather than not saying anything and watching the entire thing fall apart right infront of you. And, there is always a chance that if you discuss the issues you feel with your relationship, then it may improve a lot of things in the end. Communication is always worth a try, before you say "goodbye".
Anonymous
July 5th, 2019 3:49am
Say so. "I don't think I'm good enough for you. But I hope you're okay with me just being here for you." Sometimes your presence is more than enough. And of course you won't feel good enough. Because if it's someone you love, you want to make them feel happier with you. So you tried your best to make yourself better. But you felt like something is missing. And that's probably your honesty to yourself. If you feel like you're not perfect enough, then why not accept it? "Alright, I'm not perfect. But I'm glad for being myself." I hope you'll realize how much you're worth soon. I'm glad you're willing to ask.