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Why can't I learn to open up to people?

201 Answers
Last Updated: 01/16/2022 at 3:19pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Trishna Monplaisir, LMSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

We are here to advocate, empower and provide compassion to individuals who need help.

Top Rated Answers
WrenSimon
April 12th, 2020 8:04am
Because it’s challenging to be vulnerable! We don’t live in a society that normalizes the honest expression of human emotion and that can be frustrating and isolating. Just try to remember that we’re all human at the end of the day and we’re all made out of the same stuff. It can be scary to open up to somebody when you don’t know if they will be receptive or understanding. But just try to keep in mind that even if that does happen (and I hope it doesn’t!) there are plenty of other in the world who will be more on your wavelength. I’m always here if you feel like talking to me about anything, this is a judgment free space. It’s safe to share here. But no pressure! Everything at your own pace.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2020 3:20pm
Being in a new space is scary because it feels foreign and uncomfortable, and I used to be afraid, but being the person you are and putting yourself out there, introducing yourself and interacting is more than enough. Sometimes the feeling of being judged holds you back but deep down, we are all human and no one is perfect. Not everyone will like us but some do. The person you are afraid to talk to might feel the same way, afraid to open up. Sometimes, just saying simple words can make someone’s day, it’s the wonder of embracing fears.
warmSky30
May 21st, 2020 5:16pm
I cannot open up to certain people because of my trust issues. I have been betrayed and deceived by people who were pretending to be someone they are not. My terrible experience has affected my judgment of where I shall lay my trust. I guess it is one of the reasons I cannot open up. Another reason why I think so is because of some traumatic experience in childhood or past. It inevitably causes other mental health issues. Insecurities also play a major role here, The fear of what people or the society may think of can also contribute as factors.
Anonymous
May 29th, 2020 10:35pm
You are always able to learn new skills! Learning to open up to people is just like learning how to ride a bike. It is something that some people learn at a young age, but it is also something that some people may choose not to learn although it is a useful skill. Being an open book does not come easy to everyone, but understanding your own feelings is the first step. Once you know how you are feeling and even possibly why you are feeling that way, it will become easier to share those feelings with other people. The biggest thing to remember is that no matter what you are feeling, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and that has maybe even been there themselves.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2020 6:40pm
I think it is very hard to open up to people especially if you have gone through something in the past that caused you to feel this way. If you have opened up to someone in the past and they broke your trust, or they took your opening up the wrong way, it is definitely very easy to feel this way. There are also a lot of societal standards that contribute to this because if you open up and be vulnerable, it almost creates a space for people to use that as your weakness and it can turn around to you. Just remember that, there are people out there that love you and support you, and even though you might not have that in your life at this specific moment, you will.
endearingLight6463
June 10th, 2020 4:19pm
Perhaps this is because it is not something your parents/guardians encouraged growing up. But it is never too late to develop and grow. It takes some self-discovery to understand why we do what we do, but it is an important process in getting to know ourselves and develop past our limitations. Sometimes our wrong beliefs and negative self image about ourselves can limit us opening up to people. Change the way you see yourself. See a therapist if necessary. If you are a Christian spend time in the Word and ask see what God says about you - you are fearfully and wonderfully made etc. And then make the effort to step out of your comfort zones when it comes to opening up to people - this would apply to people that you can trust. You will see a change in time and will be glad you made the effort.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2020 8:04am
Did you ever try opening up and it may somehow failed? Someone who by his or her words made you close up even more? It might be really hard to open up sometimes because you might never know if this person you're opening up to is trust worthy, would actually accept your feelings without judging you and would actually listen sincerely without getting bored or giving you advice or turning the story to make it about themselves and their experiences. You probably want someone who will understand you and give you space and time to open up, you are scared and that's totally fine. Maybe even confused on why you find it so hard and you're being hard on yourself right now, feeling that something is wrong with you, but there isn't anything at all, trust me. I've been there, you're not alone
Anonymous
June 25th, 2020 7:49am
It is always hard to open up to people especially when you are the type to be a listener, rather than the talker. Opening up to people may take time to getting used to saying what has been bothering you or what’s on your mind. Learn how to go by your own pace on talking to others wether it be to someone you know, or someone here from 7 cups. You are the one who knows what your limits are and how to explain what you are feeling, and we are here to provide the support you may want.
soothingBlanket3694
July 19th, 2020 3:02pm
Maybe we have grown up feeling all insecure and never learned how to connect with people. Maybe we never learned to love ourselves but to criticize. Maybe we remain so vigilant about every tiny bit of the self that we forget all the skills of socializing while making a connection with other people. We are so scared to get hurt that we find it easier to keep everything inside us. Somehow we have learned that it's better not to be us than to get hurt after they refuse us or leave us. Maybe we find it safer to stay distant than to get hurt while at the same time we are longing for being able to make a connection to another human being. Whoever is living on this knife-edge, I want them to know that they are not alone. That we are trying our best right now. Love.
Evertonest
July 31st, 2020 2:41am
During your childhood, perhaps there were moments where you opened up, but got hurt. Perhaps when you opened up, your parents yelled at you, or your peers made fun of you. So your mind has 'learnt' that "Hmm, if I open up, I will experience pain. Opening up is dangerous. Therefore, I will make sure this person (you) are afraid to open up to protect them from being hurt." Perhaps it's not that you can't learnt to open up to people - perhaps it is harder to open up. You are probably able to overcome your fear of opening up by revealing more surface-level parts of yourself (e.g. your hobbies) to certain people. Once your mind 'relearns' that opening up to others is not as dangerous as it thinks, you can start revealing deeper aspects of yourself. It will be scary to start opening up, even a little, but the best and only way to overcome this fear is to face your fears directly.
cooperelizabeth
August 21st, 2020 5:02am
Learning to open up to people is a hard thing to do and many people struggle with it. This may be because you have some trust issues or have a fear of being vulnerable. By opening up you are letting people into the private parts of your life that many other people don't get to see. When opening up these people see your weaknesses and fears that may subconsciously be causing you to believe they will use these against you. This can make you have your guard up constantly which can make it difficult to open up to people.
talkswithariba
August 26th, 2020 5:59am
Opening up is a very difficult task. Some people think that not sharing anything would mame then look strong and perfect in front of others, while others beleive the opening up can help them feel better, and lighter. It can be difficult to open up to people you don't trust, or those who you think will judge you. But people like bestfriends, parents, or a therapist who value you, will listen to you. You just need to trust them, and beleive that opening up would be like medicine for you. A medicine that could possibly help you get better from anything you're facing/going through.
enchantedlove
August 28th, 2020 4:59pm
Hm, this can be a tough question! Opening up to people can be really hard for some, and for others it can be super easy! It is all a matter of things that have happened in your life, and your personality! There are things we can do, for example learn about trust, and exercises to build trust! It's also important to not that just because you can't open up very easily doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing!!! It can be good, like a little shell protection! So next time you think about it, try and remember that. Hopefully this could help!!
gentleLove04
September 2nd, 2020 3:50pm
You need to be comfortable with that person. Through trust issues, you have to learn how to trust others first. Get to know them and learn what type of person they are. After that, it will be a lot easier to open up to others. You have to be willing to learn how to trust those that you want to open up too. If you don't trust them it will be extremely hard to open up to that person. Just try to tell them some little things about yourself and then see if you can trust them that way. It will help you so much!
Kalmkendrick231
September 13th, 2020 8:31am
Inner fears! Lack of confidence! Self de-motivation! There can be ample of reasons and you will definitely not fall short of them. But the main thing is we need to focus on just one of them and work! Yes just work on it! There are many a times when we are not able to visualize the latent talents within us and if brought to full colors will not only make us open to people but actually impress them. If its confidence that you lack, which is the case in most of the studies done, then the best would be to watch or read some good resources on public speaking. Who knows, that can really help.
aLightInTheDark3
September 20th, 2020 8:55pm
Opening up to people is not so easy for everyone. Infact, it is absolutely normal to be hard sometimes. Maybe you just haven't found the right people to open up to yet, or reached the level of trust that you as a pesron need to open up to others. And that is okay. Although it may be tricky, remember that with the right people nobody will ever judge you. You have nothing to be afarid of, infact, venting to someone is such a great way to clear your mind and get important stuff clearly into focus. Trust yourself, you can do it, when you think you found someone who you think is the right person to talk to, go for it.
01Annacella
September 25th, 2020 10:13am
Probably you have an experience, a rather unhappy one from a close relationship , usually when people shut themselves in its due to opening up to someone and getting slamed in the face Honestly its not easy to flow with someone but risks are there to be taken sometimes it brings pain but even pain has its own gain ...you have to reach out to be seen . First you can start with talking about casual things , his your day went , hobbies ? With time you will find yourself talking freely with that person ..so dont be scared its all a gradual process good luck ...😊
ListeningHeart92
September 25th, 2020 5:50pm
Opening up to others can be so challenging because we're making ourselves extremely vulnerable in doing so. Being and feeling vulnerable is scary because we're suddenly open to potential rejection. Naturally, as humans, we fear rejection. Often we feel this way if we've been hurt before and our instintive way to cope is to close off and build a wall to protect ourselves from ever feeling that way again. Learning to open up again, or even for the first time has to be built on trust and respect for that other individual. That can take a lot time as a relationship strengthens and proves to us it's a safe space.
wonderfulPresence6423
September 26th, 2020 3:02am
Opening up can be hard, you may easily feel like its going to go wrong once you start speaking and letting yourself be vulnerable, but youll know when youre ready to talk to someone, dont force it or hold on too long, whatever it is make sure you can trust those persons or person. Through everything its quite normal to not want to share certain details to anyone but has time goes by youll find yourself gradually speaking without even knowing. Its all a process, some process takes months others take years but in the end you will realize you eventually learned to do it.
EuphyPanda
October 9th, 2020 6:25pm
You have insecurities, afraid if once you open up, you're only to feel more pain. What if others hate you when you say this? What if others embarrass you if you say this? This kind of question obviously pops out ni your mind whenever you want to say something. You are hurt and don't want to get more hurt, which is why you think holding everything inside is the only choice you have. People judgment can sometimes be more painful than we could ever imagine to the point we can't help but to shut ourselves up from saying what's on our mind.
ChristinaLK
October 9th, 2020 6:46pm
The ability to open up to people isn't just some skill that you can magically acquire or even learn. It's something that is built up at everyone's own pace. It requires trust, open communication, and patience. Opening up can be scary, because we never know how other people are going to react, thats why its important to first find trust. You will also need to be honest with yourself and be ready to talk openly about your feelings in order to communicate your truths. Finally, opening up takes patience. Everyone's ability to find trust and honesty is going to differ, so you shouldn't be comparing yourself to others. Don't be in a rush to open up– just do what is most comfortable to you until you are ready.
swellshark
October 15th, 2020 5:17am
It's really hard. Sometimes I open my mouth, and the words just don't come out. Sometimes, it might be easier to open up in another way first: write down how you feel, draw it out, listen to music that understands how you feel. This might help give a better picture of exactly what emotions you are feeling and how to explain it. It might be easier to talk to someone you deeply trust, or it might be easier to talk to someone anonymously. Regardless, give yourself time. Learning to open up is not something you can learn overnight. Be patient with yourself, and take it slow. One day, you'll be able to do it.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2020 7:57am
you can learn it. it takes good effort and work to do that and also a willingness to open up.Baby steps can help you here. Greet people you meet. try to start conversations, look for common ground and grow from there. Also looking for people who like the same things as you will help you find a community. for eg, if someone you know but are not really friends with posts something on social media about a movie they like or a new song that they listened to and it's something that you like too, comment on that, tell them, hey, good choice. i like that song too. then maybe you can talk about your favourite songs, learn about theirs too. i have done this many times and made some good friendships over movies, songs, memes etc.
Anonymous
November 22nd, 2020 5:43am
Sometimes, you are scared to place your trust in someone who you aren't familiar with. This can make you fear what the other person may think of you. It is never easy to open up to someone who you do not know. Sometimes, it is even harder to open up to someone you do know, yet you don't have a close emotional relationship to. We hide our deepest thoughts because we are scared of what others may think, and this basic principle applies not just to strangers, but oftentimes to close friends and family members as well. Trust needs to be developed between two people in order to actually facilitate the process of opening up.
Anonymous
November 22nd, 2020 8:14pm
Opening up to people may be hard and it will take time and practice with baby steps How about starting off by telling your friends it may be hard for you to open up and it’s going to take a little time and then maybe share some thing you would share with a Stranger at a coffee house or an elevator when are you know you won’t see the person again his shell a little bit of information to your friends and see how you feel after that and you can work on it a little more to see your comfort level and how you would feel sharing a little bit more personal information about yourself to your friend or someone you trust
Steppenoak22
November 25th, 2020 6:50pm
Some of us are just wired that way, you just have to learn to value yourself and what you have to offer to others, we all deserve at least one friend. Another piece of advice is that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, not everyone has problems socialising, but you don't have to be jealous of them because they have something you don't you just have to work with the tools you are given. Having that in mind you have to do the best you can, maybe sometimes you'll do better and sometimes worst, be in the best case scenario you'll start having confidence in yourself and you'll see how it gets easier. Good luck mate, we are here for you in any case!
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 6:26am
I think that an unwillingness to open up to people is because it's hard for people to know the real you. In my experience, I was afraid to open up truly because I was worried that I would be judged for who I actually was. I was scared of criticism and thought that if one person commented on something wrong, everything about me would be wrong as well. I didn't want to be a person without faults but I was. I wanted to be perfect but I was human. Later on in life, I learned that not being perfect was okay. And I am a human that is destined to have faults. And although these faults might be hard to acknowledge, I should try to better myself by stopping my denial. I learned to present all sides of myself, the bad, the ugly, and the good. And I learned that being vulnerable with other people isn't bad but is a strength that I have to develop. I hope that I can continue being honest and open up to the people around me.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 7:20pm
Sometimes when you get hurt by other people or you have been betrayed, it becomes hard to open up to other people, especially new people who you meet. This happens to all of us and you would feel like you can't trust anyone anymore, however, one day you will meet someone who you can confide in and they confide in you. If you encounter a person who trusts you and opens up to you then you would also feel like you can trust them and open up to them. Also, it is not horrible to sometimes keep some things to yourself until you really get to know a person and discover that you can really trust them and open up to them.
CocoChanel93
February 11th, 2021 12:53pm
Opening up to people can be very challenging, especially when you don't know these people. To build a rapport with someone and start sharing those feelings that lies underneath the surface requires trust. Trust is not given it is earned. If you don't feel comfortable with someone and you don't trust them it's hard to be open with them. Sometimes the thoughts and perspectives in our head causes us to build assumptions about people. If you believe in your head that you can't trust this person to open up to them, then those ideas are going to stay in your head.
Anonymous
February 12th, 2021 2:15am
Hey. I see your issue. What do you feel when you have to talk with a person? I have been in your place many times and I promise you there is always a way out. I think you should try not to care about what others will think about you if you open up a little bit. You can’t live by everyone’s expectations because no one is perfect which is totally normal. Try to work on being more confident, write a list with pros and cons on it about yourself and what cons you don’t like work on it. The most important is the love yourself and be confident about iy