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How can I stop being a pushover?

37 Answers
Last Updated: 12/06/2021 at 9:35pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
November 19th, 2014 5:55pm
Voice your own opinions when you disagree with people, believe in yourself and stand by your judgements.
November 23rd, 2014 6:47pm
Recognize your needs and wants and think about how saying "yes" to something will affect you in the long run. Learn to realize that you do not need to always say "yes" to everything. Voice your opinion when you need to, even when it may clash with those of others.
January 8th, 2015 9:46am
Taking the first step to standing up for yourself is definitely tough, however once you've done it even for the smallest thing, it gets progressively easier.
November 14th, 2014 2:48am
I've had trouble with this for a while and have been trying to overcome this thanks to one quote from a negotiations book: "Don't be afraid to be a little pushy." What those 7 words told me, was that I don't always need to agree with everyone and I don't need to please everyone. I can say no or disagree sometimes. I've been a pushover because I'm often very passive, and reading those words made me feel that it's ok if I'm a bit pushy sometimes. I have needs, wants, and ideas too.
November 17th, 2014 2:27pm
First of all, nobody is a pushover. Every person is very important. Self-esteem is a strange thing for some people, but without it there will be no happiness without self-respect.
November 19th, 2014 10:59pm
Stand up for what you believe in! Don't let people force you to do things you aren't comfortable with
November 30th, 2014 11:06pm
It sounds silly but potentially it may be a good idea to research assertiveness on the internet. These things don't happen in a day, it's so easy to say yes, yes I'll do everything for you but sometimes saying no can be the hardest thing in the world.
December 7th, 2014 12:49am
You can stop being a pushover by being assertive when it comes to what you want or do not want and make it known that you will not change your mind.
December 19th, 2014 4:28am
There are many reasons that people may find it hard to stand up for their beliefs and opinions. First, it may help to examine why you are having a hard time speaking up for yourself. What emotions and thoughts are in your way? If it is a specific situation or person that makes it hard for you to speak up, it may help to practice what you want to say and prepare sentences or phrases you can uses when it comes up next time. It can also help to write it out in an email or letter sometimes if it is a specific situation. For more general situations, it can help to strengthen your self esteem through self-affirmations, self-acceptance, and possibly counseling depending what else is going on in your life and how significantly this has been impacting day-to-day life.
December 24th, 2014 5:07am
Learn how to say no to people and decline their offers. You don't want people to think that you do every little thing that they want to you to do.
December 31st, 2014 12:33am
I know its easier said than done, but you just need to get the courage to assert yourself. Stand up for you. I understand that's exactly what the problem is, but there isn't much of a better solution. Take it slow if you have to, start with small things, you're really busy and someone asks you to do a minor favor, just say no.
August 17th, 2015 7:44am
One way I learned to stop becoming a push over is.... I learned how to say no to people, even if they tried to make me feel guilty or sorry for them. I stopped putting other peoples and needs before my own.
January 6th, 2015 1:39pm
The starting point is first to find what you believe in . Often deciding what you want to do / to become /is the hardest part. Knowing what you want is linked to a strong sense of self identity. Try to become more self aware. After subsequently finding out what you want you can work on asserting that. You need to ask yourself why you allowing yourself to be a pushover? - is it due to lack of self importance ? The view / perception you have of the other individual? or is it through lack of communication assertiveness? Upon finding your inner self , stand by them , assert them and fully believe in them. Self belief and confidence will allow people to take onboard your input and view you as an assertive person.
August 10th, 2015 3:44pm
Take a stand, give insight and opinion, don't sit with a closed mouth and a passive attitude; be more outgoing, personable, social, and in tune with your internal desires; share your internal emotions, strengths, and overall personality in an effort to communicate the best, most admirable side of you; don't settle for other people's judgments, conclusions or assumptions; build yourself up and project your own set of values; take it slow and steady.
November 2nd, 2015 11:23pm
I have personally found that willpower is the key to that question. In my opinion, you must learn how to become more cognizant about all the factors in every situation, and push yourself to the maximum. Refuse to be inferior in anything you do from the bottom of your heart, but do not let your ego grow too large in the process. That is my two cents.
January 14th, 2016 5:21pm
Learn to say no. For some reason a lot of us are afraid to tell people no when it comes to things we don't want to do. We need to change that.
January 14th, 2016 8:29pm
yes. One needs to have more confidence and control of your surroundings. Learn to build your self confidence in things you are familiar with.
January 15th, 2016 7:15am
Start to say no. For little things, very nicely "Oh thank you, that looks delicious, but I'd rather not have another cookie, I'm feeling full." Learn to say no without saying no. Learn to stop saying I'm sorry. Rather than apologizing for being late you could thank people for their patientce. They'll feel better and you won't always hear yourself say sorry. Over time learning to stop saying I'm sorry for mundane things and learning to say no can build a part of your confidence. Your voice, your opinion, you matter!
January 17th, 2016 6:57pm
Start by saying no to the small things. When you find you can say no to a small thing it empowers you. Saying no and standing up for yourself is a skill just like any other. Practice will help you get there.
January 17th, 2016 10:57pm
Stop caring. Seriously, stop caring about the other person's life and what they are doing. Just accept their answer whether it is a lie or not.
January 21st, 2016 5:36pm
Push over me? I dont think so. I am naturaly a person who does not let people push me however I am merciful
January 27th, 2016 9:54am
The first step to stop being a pushover is to realize that you have value, and that you deserve to be respected. Once you respect yourself, people will respect you in turn. You teach people how to treat you, so be confident in the amazing person you are, and let people know that you won't be pushed around.
January 27th, 2016 7:06pm
It depends on what you consider to be a pushover. Is it something that invokes negative feeling about yourself?
January 28th, 2016 5:30pm
First of all, try not to be so hard on yourself! I find the best way is to step back before making a decision and ask myself whether I am making that decision for myself, or if my decision is coming from an outside influence. Once you are able to differentiate the two, it will be easier to make your own choices and practice practice practice!
January 29th, 2016 12:23pm
I think the best thing you can do in order to stop being pushed around by others is to stand tall and feel good about yourself. You need to realize- which you have I believe by asking this question- that you're worth more than being pushed around by others. So, tell the people who are doing it, simply to stop, that you don't like it. Or if they ask you to do something, learn to say "NO" and stick with it.
January 31st, 2016 2:39pm
If you can find someone to practice saying NO to things, and who gives tips on how to say no without offending anyone, that will be good.
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
February 3rd, 2016 10:53am
Have some confidence in yourself, be firm but civil. Don't let others tell you what you are and what you're not. Love yourself and understand that you deserve respect.
February 3rd, 2016 11:56am
Don't be intimidated by others. Listen to your heart first. If you don't like something don't do it. Keep yourself some private space.
February 4th, 2016 4:12am
Learn to say no. Start with small things. Things people don't really care if you say no to. Gain confidence in your ability to say no. Learn to not feel guilty saying no. Then when people try to push you into something you don't want to do. Be firm, look at them and say "No."
February 6th, 2016 3:31pm
I was a pushover. Was which meant I used to be. Its a terrible thing but it can be cured if not controlled. I personally having been one and knowing how it is to be the pushover and the pusher, think we should be strong. Mentally. If we are strong and confident, we can stand up for ourselves without giving in to fear. We also have to have it in us to stop being one. If you are not willing to do yourself justice then it wont work. Remember we can all do it. Just try and believe you can. Think through the one pushing you around's perspective and see why she/he is pushing you around. Identify and talk with that person. Speak it out. If it doesnt, be assertive,stand up and build up the courage to do so. Its not easy. It will take time but it will be worth it. Trust me. If it still doesnt work, try speaking to a adult like a teacher or a parent. Hope this help.