Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I stop being a pushover?

37 Answers
Last Updated: 12/06/2021 at 9:35pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Mexico
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
beautifulRecipe32
November 19th, 2014 5:55pm
Voice your own opinions when you disagree with people, believe in yourself and stand by your judgements.
danica
November 23rd, 2014 6:47pm
Recognize your needs and wants and think about how saying "yes" to something will affect you in the long run. Learn to realize that you do not need to always say "yes" to everything. Voice your opinion when you need to, even when it may clash with those of others.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2015 9:46am
Taking the first step to standing up for yourself is definitely tough, however once you've done it even for the smallest thing, it gets progressively easier.
SashaMor
November 17th, 2014 2:27pm
First of all, nobody is a pushover. Every person is very important. Self-esteem is a strange thing for some people, but without it there will be no happiness without self-respect.
ForgottenDreams1
August 17th, 2015 7:44am
One way I learned to stop becoming a push over is.... I learned how to say no to people, even if they tried to make me feel guilty or sorry for them. I stopped putting other peoples and needs before my own.
supportiveMango15
November 14th, 2014 2:48am
I've had trouble with this for a while and have been trying to overcome this thanks to one quote from a negotiations book: "Don't be afraid to be a little pushy." What those 7 words told me, was that I don't always need to agree with everyone and I don't need to please everyone. I can say no or disagree sometimes. I've been a pushover because I'm often very passive, and reading those words made me feel that it's ok if I'm a bit pushy sometimes. I have needs, wants, and ideas too.
DavidLee
December 31st, 2014 12:33am
I know its easier said than done, but you just need to get the courage to assert yourself. Stand up for you. I understand that's exactly what the problem is, but there isn't much of a better solution. Take it slow if you have to, start with small things, you're really busy and someone asks you to do a minor favor, just say no.
Anonymous
December 24th, 2014 5:07am
Learn how to say no to people and decline their offers. You don't want people to think that you do every little thing that they want to you to do.
Erynn
December 19th, 2014 4:28am
There are many reasons that people may find it hard to stand up for their beliefs and opinions. First, it may help to examine why you are having a hard time speaking up for yourself. What emotions and thoughts are in your way? If it is a specific situation or person that makes it hard for you to speak up, it may help to practice what you want to say and prepare sentences or phrases you can uses when it comes up next time. It can also help to write it out in an email or letter sometimes if it is a specific situation. For more general situations, it can help to strengthen your self esteem through self-affirmations, self-acceptance, and possibly counseling depending what else is going on in your life and how significantly this has been impacting day-to-day life.
Anonymous
December 7th, 2014 12:49am
You can stop being a pushover by being assertive when it comes to what you want or do not want and make it known that you will not change your mind.
TheComedyTragedy
November 30th, 2014 11:06pm
It sounds silly but potentially it may be a good idea to research assertiveness on the internet. These things don't happen in a day, it's so easy to say yes, yes I'll do everything for you but sometimes saying no can be the hardest thing in the world.
peacefulemily99
November 19th, 2014 10:59pm
Stand up for what you believe in! Don't let people force you to do things you aren't comfortable with
Anonymous
December 6th, 2021 9:35pm
Some people find it is hard to stop being what you'd call "a pushover" because they feel like they have to be a people pleaser. Some people find themselves feeling guilty if they stand up for themselves. Have you tried talking to family or friends about this? Maybe they can offer you advice on how you can learn to stand up for yourself in a polite way. Setting boundaries is a good way to feel like you can be there for people without being "a pushover". Setting boundaries can also help with self esteem and mental health. If you need help learning to set boundaries you can ask advice from a friend who's been through similar experiences of browse 7cups for more information
Mike8448
January 31st, 2016 2:39pm
If you can find someone to practice saying NO to things, and who gives tips on how to say no without offending anyone, that will be good.
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
February 3rd, 2016 10:53am
Have some confidence in yourself, be firm but civil. Don't let others tell you what you are and what you're not. Love yourself and understand that you deserve respect.
healingAngel64
February 3rd, 2016 11:56am
Don't be intimidated by others. Listen to your heart first. If you don't like something don't do it. Keep yourself some private space.
HappyFrogger998
February 4th, 2016 4:12am
Learn to say no. Start with small things. Things people don't really care if you say no to. Gain confidence in your ability to say no. Learn to not feel guilty saying no. Then when people try to push you into something you don't want to do. Be firm, look at them and say "No."
Dihanie99
February 6th, 2016 3:31pm
I was a pushover. Was which meant I used to be. Its a terrible thing but it can be cured if not controlled. I personally having been one and knowing how it is to be the pushover and the pusher, think we should be strong. Mentally. If we are strong and confident, we can stand up for ourselves without giving in to fear. We also have to have it in us to stop being one. If you are not willing to do yourself justice then it wont work. Remember we can all do it. Just try and believe you can. Think through the one pushing you around's perspective and see why she/he is pushing you around. Identify and talk with that person. Speak it out. If it doesnt, be assertive,stand up and build up the courage to do so. Its not easy. It will take time but it will be worth it. Trust me. If it still doesnt work, try speaking to a adult like a teacher or a parent. Hope this help.
CaringJoy
February 6th, 2016 11:33pm
Find ways and tips on how to build your self confidence and recognize your self worth so that you can trust and believe in yourself.
FriendlyPerson84
March 3rd, 2016 4:18am
First of all start out small it can be hard but try to say "no" but if you don't want to do something or if you don't agree with someone try to say "no" or "I think (what you think)" . Than thing will get better and than later it should come naturally and you can be more assertive.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2016 12:56pm
Being a pushover doesn't mean you're weak and it's not a bad thing sometimes you have to appreciate yourself and stop being that person that always being pushed around. Sometimes being a pushover can actually damage your health and life but it's up to you to make that decision to not be that person
lovelySunshine11
December 12th, 2017 6:13am
By recognizing your self worth! You need to respect yourself and acknowledge that you are worth so much more than other people may give you credit for. Once you can stand tall and strong, others will see this confidence and follow suit!
Mysfit
December 23rd, 2019 2:59pm
It is not easy to just stop being a pushover and some people never stop but they do learn how to be less of a pushover. One thing is to gain self confidence and self esteem. Many times both play a role in this situation. A person may not have the self confidence to say stop or no because they are afraid of coming off as mean. But, the person needs to think of themselves and take care of themselves first before saying yes to others. It is a difficult thing to do. I still sometimes have trouble saying no because I often feel that others need my help more than I need it. But you need to set boundaries, that is the first step. If you need to do something for yourself, and someone else is asking for help, take care of yourself first and let the person know you need to do that.
YourNeighbourhoodsuperhero
December 1st, 2020 10:20am
Self awareness can go a long way. Emotional connection, self compassion too. Seeking to understand and being genuinely interested, can spark the same in others. Being helpful and fulfilling the needs of others appropriately and in a profecient manner can also contribute towards stopping the perception of you being a pushover. Most of the time you are trying to get your own needs met and may have been negatively criticized and labled as being a pushover. However this may not be in truth who you are at all. Awareness and understanding of this, or at the very least being able to acknowledge this may help towards and lift your self esteem to being able to make good on the points I mentioned in the beginning of this post, Thank you very much for reading. I hope my answer has helped, it takes a while to think of answering questions like these and in summarisation.
Kathlyng90
January 29th, 2016 12:23pm
I think the best thing you can do in order to stop being pushed around by others is to stand tall and feel good about yourself. You need to realize- which you have I believe by asking this question- that you're worth more than being pushed around by others. So, tell the people who are doing it, simply to stop, that you don't like it. Or if they ask you to do something, learn to say "NO" and stick with it.
helpfulPeace78
January 28th, 2016 5:30pm
First of all, try not to be so hard on yourself! I find the best way is to step back before making a decision and ask myself whether I am making that decision for myself, or if my decision is coming from an outside influence. Once you are able to differentiate the two, it will be easier to make your own choices and practice practice practice!
Anonymous
January 27th, 2016 7:06pm
It depends on what you consider to be a pushover. Is it something that invokes negative feeling about yourself?
YoullNeverWalkAlone
January 27th, 2016 9:54am
The first step to stop being a pushover is to realize that you have value, and that you deserve to be respected. Once you respect yourself, people will respect you in turn. You teach people how to treat you, so be confident in the amazing person you are, and let people know that you won't be pushed around.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2016 5:36pm
Push over me? I dont think so. I am naturaly a person who does not let people push me however I am merciful
Anonymous
January 17th, 2016 10:57pm
Stop caring. Seriously, stop caring about the other person's life and what they are doing. Just accept their answer whether it is a lie or not.