How to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you have depression?

91 Answers
Last Updated: 04/23/2019 at 6:42pm
How to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you have depression?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Linda Miland, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have a passion to help individuals address and challenge thoughts ,feelings and lifestyle factors that are contributing to mental health issues.

Top Rated Answers
booksoul21
March 9th, 2016 4:52am
There is no "right" way to tell them. There is no "good" time. You just need to be honest with how you feel, and you have to trust them to listen to you and help you through it. It's not as scary as you think. They're your best friend, right? They'll accept you no matter what.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2017 2:04am
"I have depression" or "I am depressed." Communicating honestly and openly is really that easy. Before you tell them, consider what you'd like to get out of telling them that you're depressed: do you need their support as you get better, would you like them to be more understanding when you have bad days, would you like them to offer more unasked-for hugs, or be willing to accept your 3am phone calls? Try to think of specific ways they can help you. People who do not have depression can sometimes raelly struggle with understanding its affects on our day-to-day lives, and that is not their fault. If however your partner refuses to try to understand, or even becomes unsupportive, guess what? It's a great opportunity to find a real partner! Someone who really loves you will stay with you no matter what state your mind is in (unless you ask them to leave you alone). Someone who really loves you will love you despite your depression and will be by your side to help you in any way you can think of. Good luck! Remember to be your own best-friend because you deserve it.
cuddlyCloud86
March 2nd, 2016 2:10pm
I think the best way to tell your boyfriend/ girlfriend that you are going through depression is to just tell them right away. Tell them how you feel properly. They will surely understand you.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2016 8:03pm
If you want to, and if you think that they will support you, just take a deep breath a tell them. Just do what you are comfortable with
dogswinenetflix
April 7th, 2016 9:08pm
If it's a new relationship, it might be hard or scary and feel like they might leave you if you tell them. Speaking from experience, I have felt that reluctance to share but in the end I felt a lot better about telling my significant other because I was able to say "hey, feeling really anxious today. if I snap at you." it made communication between us easier and more satisfying because I was able to say that it wasn't anyone's fault, how I was feeling-- it just was. I would probably start it the conversation assuring them they are an important part of your life and that them knowing this about you is important and they are a source of comfort (not happiness!) for you.
RainbowTrie
February 13th, 2016 9:20am
It's a leap of faith. If they understand anything about depression then they'll get that it's just an illness that you can't control. Just like a broken arm. If they don't understand that- maybe you can educate them. You need to believe that It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you are seeking treatment your boyfriend or girlfriend should be supportive and proud of you for telling them. Loving relationships are about support and sharing the burden of life.
Yourfairygodbro
February 13th, 2016 7:50am
You should know first that they care about you. You should tell them by asking them what they know about depression and topics related to that and then get the conversation topic toward you having depression. Hopefully, they're understanding and stay with you even after they know.
SilentSerenityy
February 13th, 2016 3:59pm
I would recommend this only when you feel 100% comfortable and you've been in the relationship some time and you trust them. Also, only say it if you feel it's negatively affecting the relationship or they're questioning some of your behaviours. You could sit them down, explain that you will find this difficult to tell them and you hope they will view you and it with an open mind and then tell them.
anotherfrenchtoastmafiaa
February 18th, 2016 11:52am
Sit down with them and take a deep breath, make sure there are no interruptions, and quietly talk to them, be sure to be very calm, and tell them everything very honestly. What you feel, what you go though, tell them, and they're to understand and not judge you. You will be okay.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2016 5:20am
You just say it don't make it seem weird just come out with it what's the worst that could happen if you do ,think about it or do what you want to do.
CaringJoy
February 17th, 2016 6:12pm
You can say "I've been feeling sad and emotionally depleted. I no longer have a desire to do the things I used to enjoy and I think I have depression. Can I count on you to be supportive while I try to recover"..
sensitiveWalker3386
March 16th, 2016 12:56pm
It is easy to tell your gf/bf that you have depression if you both have enough trust on each other,If you think they can handle you in every situation then it would be much easier to tell them the truth.Do not think too much for telling them about your depression because it is sane to open the truth earlier than they get to know about this from someone else.Ask them that you really want to talk to them on something serious and then try to keep calm before telling them everything. Hope , this would work nice.
darlingyouregorgeous
February 13th, 2016 5:06pm
Telling a loved one about a mental illness is never easy, but there are a few things you can do to make this stressful situation go as smoothly as possible for the both of you. First, it's best to make sure that you and your partner are alone, so you don't have outside opinions or influences. Second, I would try to tell them as gently as possible rather than just come out and say it. Thirdly, try to tell them that it isn't there fault. Mental illnesses are never anyone's fault, but your partner might feel guilty and like he or she somehow caused your illness or that the should have been able to fix it. Try to reassure them that it's not their fault as well as you can. I hope all goes well when you decide to tell your significant other!
casicanhelp
April 8th, 2016 6:20pm
Already as a boyfriend/girlfriend they would care about you a lot, so tell them as if you were telling your parents. Slowly ease onto the topic.
CrunchyLeaves31
May 2nd, 2017 1:12pm
Honesty is important in any relationship. Being open about your struggles may help you overcome them. It can be hard to start the conversation, but you may feel very relieved just letting someone you love know that you are struggling.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2016 11:24pm
Be honest with them, is all I can say. Knowing that you have someone who supports you and is there for you is the greatest feeling. The one thing that is dependent is how they react towards it. If he or she can't help you and aren't there for you then you should start looking for a person who does care. Write to them little by little. Show them who you really are and how you are feeling the majority of the time :)
Anonymous
March 5th, 2016 9:29pm
Sit them down and try your best to explain how it feels to be you right now. Be sure to explain that they are not the reason that you are feeling this way, and that you cannot help it or change the way you feel. You will feel better about it afterwards!
unfin
February 13th, 2016 3:10am
You are the true one to be able to answer that. I'm afraid that I cannot give proper advice to you, so you need to take an approach that's comfortable to you.
wonderousHeart14
February 14th, 2016 1:20am
"I am a bit hesitant to tell you this because I really like you and I fear that you will like me less...there have been some things in my life that i've had to deal with and I had spoken to my doctor about it. I was diagnosed with depression." If they are unfamiliar with it, educate them. If they care enough about you they will want to be educated about it. You can work together. If it scares them off, it does not necessarily mean they do not care about you, it could mean a few things..maybe someone close to them had severe depression and you telling them may have re-opened a scab, or maybe they have just heard stories about it and they are afraid and do not know how to handle the situation (lack of education on depression).
reeyseelbeel05
February 14th, 2016 11:06am
You don't have to speak just for them to notice that you are depressed. If that person knows you so much they could probably notice it. And if they are going to ask you, just be honest to them. If you love your partner very much and you trust him enough, you could probably share to them what is inside your mind. Don't be afraid because if your partner loves you enough. He/She could accept and help you.
Sassy001
February 14th, 2016 12:33pm
I would just tell them straight out and be honest about it.I think telling them would help them understand better.I would ask if they had any questions and answer them for them too.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2016 7:27pm
Before you do tell them, ask yourself if you're safe with them knowing your feelings. I know that they're dating you, but there are things you can't always tell them. If you feel like your answer is yes, try not to say it in obvious words, but to hint to it. That eases anxiety for when you do talk to them about it.
helpfulKermit69
February 17th, 2016 12:10am
If you are in a relationship with someone who you feel comfortable around then you should be able to express your feelings to them without worrying about negative or triggering consequences
AzOne
February 17th, 2016 1:04am
Make sure you're in a comfortable surrounding. You need to feel safe and secure. And sit down with eachother and talk. Start off with your problem and explain how it makes you feel.
GigantMoonEyes
February 17th, 2016 3:25pm
It is the right thing to tell him where you are at. If you have depression then tell him. Simply explain where you are at but you must be doing something about your depression and recover. Hopefully he is a good person and is supportive.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2016 7:20pm
First you need to be completely honest with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You need to open your heart and tell them everything that push you in depression.
whimsicalApple76
February 18th, 2016 12:08am
Depression is a difficult 'feeling' to have. it's alot easier to not tell people that you are unhappy just because telling them may make them unhappy too. The sooner you tell someone the quicker your recovery can be.
organticMagic48
February 18th, 2016 1:51pm
Explain the symptoms - they've probably already seen them - and what you're doing to try and change those things about you. Someone who is your mate will be very interested.
littlelotuslexi
February 18th, 2016 10:13pm
Make sure to explain to them how you've been feeling first; let them know it is not their fault. Then, explain to them what depression is, make sure they understand the biological aspect of depression; it is not something you can control.
JordanPeraltaa
February 20th, 2016 6:01pm
Invite them to your home, or somewhere you feel comfortable. If you can, try and tell them slowly with words and make sure to reassure them it's completely not their fault. If you struggle using words, write it all down on paper, and get them to read it, the first step to feeling better is getting help. They will appreciate the fact that you told them