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How to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you have depression?

94 Answers
Last Updated: 08/22/2021 at 9:40am
How to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you have depression?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Aimee Wilson, LMHC

Counselor

I am a mental health counselor licensed in the state of Florida. I have been fully licensed for 5 years, however I have over 8 years of experience in the counseling field.

Top Rated Answers
booksoul21
March 9th, 2016 4:52am
There is no "right" way to tell them. There is no "good" time. You just need to be honest with how you feel, and you have to trust them to listen to you and help you through it. It's not as scary as you think. They're your best friend, right? They'll accept you no matter what.
cuddlyCloud86
March 2nd, 2016 2:10pm
I think the best way to tell your boyfriend/ girlfriend that you are going through depression is to just tell them right away. Tell them how you feel properly. They will surely understand you.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2017 2:04am
"I have depression" or "I am depressed." Communicating honestly and openly is really that easy. Before you tell them, consider what you'd like to get out of telling them that you're depressed: do you need their support as you get better, would you like them to be more understanding when you have bad days, would you like them to offer more unasked-for hugs, or be willing to accept your 3am phone calls? Try to think of specific ways they can help you. People who do not have depression can sometimes raelly struggle with understanding its affects on our day-to-day lives, and that is not their fault. If however your partner refuses to try to understand, or even becomes unsupportive, guess what? It's a great opportunity to find a real partner! Someone who really loves you will stay with you no matter what state your mind is in (unless you ask them to leave you alone). Someone who really loves you will love you despite your depression and will be by your side to help you in any way you can think of. Good luck! Remember to be your own best-friend because you deserve it.
CaringJoy
February 17th, 2016 6:12pm
You can say "I've been feeling sad and emotionally depleted. I no longer have a desire to do the things I used to enjoy and I think I have depression. Can I count on you to be supportive while I try to recover"..
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2016 8:03pm
If you want to, and if you think that they will support you, just take a deep breath a tell them. Just do what you are comfortable with
RainbowTrie
February 13th, 2016 9:20am
It's a leap of faith. If they understand anything about depression then they'll get that it's just an illness that you can't control. Just like a broken arm. If they don't understand that- maybe you can educate them. You need to believe that It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you are seeking treatment your boyfriend or girlfriend should be supportive and proud of you for telling them. Loving relationships are about support and sharing the burden of life.
dogswinenetflix
April 7th, 2016 9:08pm
If it's a new relationship, it might be hard or scary and feel like they might leave you if you tell them. Speaking from experience, I have felt that reluctance to share but in the end I felt a lot better about telling my significant other because I was able to say "hey, feeling really anxious today. if I snap at you." it made communication between us easier and more satisfying because I was able to say that it wasn't anyone's fault, how I was feeling-- it just was. I would probably start it the conversation assuring them they are an important part of your life and that them knowing this about you is important and they are a source of comfort (not happiness!) for you.
Yourfairygodbro
February 13th, 2016 7:50am
You should know first that they care about you. You should tell them by asking them what they know about depression and topics related to that and then get the conversation topic toward you having depression. Hopefully, they're understanding and stay with you even after they know.
FrenchToast
February 18th, 2016 11:52am
Sit down with them and take a deep breath, make sure there are no interruptions, and quietly talk to them, be sure to be very calm, and tell them everything very honestly. What you feel, what you go though, tell them, and they're to understand and not judge you. You will be okay.
SilentSerenityy
February 13th, 2016 3:59pm
I would recommend this only when you feel 100% comfortable and you've been in the relationship some time and you trust them. Also, only say it if you feel it's negatively affecting the relationship or they're questioning some of your behaviours. You could sit them down, explain that you will find this difficult to tell them and you hope they will view you and it with an open mind and then tell them.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2016 5:20am
You just say it don't make it seem weird just come out with it what's the worst that could happen if you do ,think about it or do what you want to do.
sensitiveWalker3386
March 16th, 2016 12:56pm
It is easy to tell your gf/bf that you have depression if you both have enough trust on each other,If you think they can handle you in every situation then it would be much easier to tell them the truth.Do not think too much for telling them about your depression because it is sane to open the truth earlier than they get to know about this from someone else.Ask them that you really want to talk to them on something serious and then try to keep calm before telling them everything. Hope , this would work nice.
CrunchyLeaves31
May 2nd, 2017 1:12pm
Honesty is important in any relationship. Being open about your struggles may help you overcome them. It can be hard to start the conversation, but you may feel very relieved just letting someone you love know that you are struggling.
casicanhelp
April 8th, 2016 6:20pm
Already as a boyfriend/girlfriend they would care about you a lot, so tell them as if you were telling your parents. Slowly ease onto the topic.
darlingyouregorgeous
February 13th, 2016 5:06pm
Telling a loved one about a mental illness is never easy, but there are a few things you can do to make this stressful situation go as smoothly as possible for the both of you. First, it's best to make sure that you and your partner are alone, so you don't have outside opinions or influences. Second, I would try to tell them as gently as possible rather than just come out and say it. Thirdly, try to tell them that it isn't there fault. Mental illnesses are never anyone's fault, but your partner might feel guilty and like he or she somehow caused your illness or that the should have been able to fix it. Try to reassure them that it's not their fault as well as you can. I hope all goes well when you decide to tell your significant other!
Anonymous
March 5th, 2016 9:29pm
Sit them down and try your best to explain how it feels to be you right now. Be sure to explain that they are not the reason that you are feeling this way, and that you cannot help it or change the way you feel. You will feel better about it afterwards!
wonderousHeart14
February 14th, 2016 1:20am
"I am a bit hesitant to tell you this because I really like you and I fear that you will like me less...there have been some things in my life that i've had to deal with and I had spoken to my doctor about it. I was diagnosed with depression." If they are unfamiliar with it, educate them. If they care enough about you they will want to be educated about it. You can work together. If it scares them off, it does not necessarily mean they do not care about you, it could mean a few things..maybe someone close to them had severe depression and you telling them may have re-opened a scab, or maybe they have just heard stories about it and they are afraid and do not know how to handle the situation (lack of education on depression).
Anonymous
February 20th, 2016 11:24pm
Be honest with them, is all I can say. Knowing that you have someone who supports you and is there for you is the greatest feeling. The one thing that is dependent is how they react towards it. If he or she can't help you and aren't there for you then you should start looking for a person who does care. Write to them little by little. Show them who you really are and how you are feeling the majority of the time :)
Anonymous
April 7th, 2016 7:42pm
Sit them down and talk about it openly. Depression is something that should be talked about without is being taboo, they will support you
carlier231
March 27th, 2016 12:02am
Just have them sit down and and tell them that you have depression (you could write them a letter, text, call, or meet in person). If they don't take it well and they treat you badly because of it, I suggest you leave them. Because them not accepting and helping you won't help you get better :)
CDoce
March 25th, 2016 5:48pm
Tell him/her you are in a bad moment, and that his/her help will be essential for your improvement. That should be a good way for him to understand it.
loganevora
March 24th, 2016 5:20pm
I would sit him or her down in a natural manner, express the emotions I have been experiencing, calmly, reassure my significant other that he/she and I will be okay, because developing a sense of happiness, purpose, and fulfillment is just a part of life; something we all go through. We all experience long to short periods of time in sadness and there is always an available solution for such times, as long as we are enlightened, and we are enlightened through proper care and help..
Anonymous
March 19th, 2016 12:32am
You sit down with them and make sure they completely understand what depression is and how you deal with it.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2021 9:40am
Be honest with them. Knowing that you have someone who supports you and is there for you is the greatest feeling. The one thing that is dependent is how they react towards it. If he or she can't help you and aren't there for you then you should start looking for a person who does care. Write to them little by little. Show them who you really are and how you are feeling the majority of the time :) There is no "right" way to tell them. There is no "good" time. You just need to be honest with how you feel, and you have to trust them to listen to you and help you through it. It's not as scary as you think. They're your best friend, right? They'll accept you no matter what.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2016 8:40pm
Ask to talk to them. Tell them exactly how you feel, every last little bit. And if they are unsupportive, then they are not a good partner. Remember that it's normal for them to get upset or angry, or even blame themselves. Just stay strong and everything will work out.
AlexHelpingAllICan
April 3rd, 2016 5:10am
Approach them and tell them you wish to discuss something about yourself, preferably in private. Proceed to tell him about what's been troubling you, saying that you just thought that they should know or whatever reason you have for telling them.
SenpaiXD
April 7th, 2016 6:52am
Honesty. Being honest is the key to any successful relationship. Long terms it'll benefit you and your bf/gf. Rather overcome it together with support than none.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2016 9:52pm
You can start by telling them about your symptoms and then explain to them about how the illness works.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 11:14pm
You just explain to them the things that cause you to have depression and explain to them that you need company sometime.
kylahh
April 9th, 2016 8:44pm
Your partner will do whatever they can to help and support you. The best way to tell them is to be very honest and open to any questions, and you should reassure them that it is not because of them so they don't feel responsible or guilty.