Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

My boyfriend or girlfriend is embarrassed of me. What should I do?

262 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2021 at 1:29pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

April Zamzow, CSW, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

There are many times in our lives when we could use an ear to listen and help us through the things that we are struggling with. I can do that.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 7:53am
It is always good to understand why she/ he is embarrassed of you. And also to understand whether this is something that came up recently. Its always good to understand what made things this way. Then you know the reasons and you can decide what needs to be done based on that. Simultaneously you also must evaluate what made you think that she/he is embarrassed of you. Sometimes we imagine things and reality may be far from that. Always communication helps to clarify the doubts. That gives you a very clear picture of things and clear many misunderstandings.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2020 10:23pm
Try to figure out the reason as to why they are embarrassed of you and if they let you know a valid reason and if it sounds reasonable to you as well, try working on that issue so they get to know that you care and are trying to make this relationship work. If their reason is not strong enough and belittles you then you should maybe think of reconsidering your value in that relationship and work on making yourself a better person rather than worrying about what your partner thinks about you. Losing your mental peace and integrity is not a good idea to be going through in a relationship.
flyingBird12
August 1st, 2020 10:16am
Without any additional context, i think first you should talk to them to find out what the issue is. Once you understand exactly what theres a problem with, you will have two options: 1. see if improving yourself is in order. 2. it is just petty of them and you should move on and break up the relationship. Someone being embarrassed of you is NEVER acceptable, especially if its your significant other. Improving yourself is always an option, but dont change just for the sake of meeting other peoples standards. Be yourself and love yourself, and find someone who does the same :)
Anonymous
August 6th, 2020 7:36pm
Communication is key in all interpersonal relationships. In order to maintain a healthy connection with your significant other, you both should be able to talk freely to each other. Ask them what they are embarrassed of and why, and demand honest answers. If the matter is trivial and the thought of changing something about yourself is fine for you, try to fix whatever it is that bothers them. However, if what they are asking of you is something you do not want to change, tell them. Be genuine. You should not change any aspect of your life for someone else: personality, quirks, appearance and habits - these are all yours to keep, as long as you do not hurt someone else. Anyone's attempts at changing your person for their sake should be unacceptable. I can understand being persuaded to change a negative part of yourself in order to better yourself, but ''being embarrassed of'' is emotional and psychological manipulation and should not be tolerated.
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2020 8:56pm
Try to talk to them about why they are embarrassed in a safe environment for both of you and try to remain calm and unangered. Tell them how their behavior has made you feel and what you need to happen in the future. Let them tell their side of the story and get all aspects of what they are feeling and what made them feel this way about you. After you both hear both side, decide what best to do to make your feelings and their feelings better. It is important to have this conversation to get to the bottom of why you feel they are embarrassing you and this can help resolve the problem.
PositiveYellow
October 3rd, 2020 7:26pm
Ask them what exactly makes them feel that way. If it's something you can or want to change and something you don't feel too strongly about, try to change it. If it's something you just can't change or something that's an essential part of your personality: Find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Love needs to be mutual. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is embarrassed of you, they might just not be the right partner for you. There's someone waiting for you out there, who will love you for who you are. Don't settle for anything less! You're worthy of love.
Anonymous
October 4th, 2020 1:17pm
If you feel your partner is embarrassed of you then you can try to talk to them about it . Make sure not to feel insecure about yourself and even if you do feel insecure you can definitely try to talk it out with someone or 7 cups since I would be more than happy to talk to you. You must be feeling disappointed and I totally understand that since I myself would’ve felt the same if I was in your position . I hope you’ll get through this.Try reconnecting with me whenever you feel like I would love to have a nice talk with you.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2020 2:10pm
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is embarrassed of you ask them why , and let them know how you feel about it. sometimes people need to be told about how their actions affect others just having a simple discussion can feel like its lifted a weight off of your chest. failing that suggest a break so you and them can think about how best to tackle this situation and what best way on how to move forward with your relationship then hopefully they will begin to realize what they are doing and will start treating you with the respect you deserve .
LifeIsAPath13
October 23rd, 2020 11:50pm
Feeling like your boyfriend or girlfriend is embarrassed of you sounds like an awful feeling. I would explore whether this is a feeling you are actually perceiving from them, or a feeling coming from yourself. If you feel that they are genuinely embarrassed with you, maybe explore why you are with them. Are you willing to stay with someone who you feel is embarrassed of you? Do you think it is worth talking about how you feel with them? If a person is embarrassed by you, are they someone that truly values you? I would explore all of these questions, and discuss your final thoughts with your partner.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2020 4:34pm
Recognize your feelings and try to figure out why. Then try to stop the embarrassment. After that, find a suitable moment to talk about this, ask for the reasons, try to understand and discuss how it happened. It will help you to understand more about both of you. Find out what is acceptable and what if not for each of you. Review your beliefs. Discover more about both of you. See if there is any changes. Is that okay with you? How does your boyfriend or girlfriend feel? Any adjustments needed? Do you need to reconsider the relationship? Try to reach a consent.
Lightnessindark3010
November 7th, 2020 6:59pm
If they are embarrassed of you, then they don’t respect you or truly love you. Loving someone means loving every part of them, the flaws and the good things. If he is embarrassed of you then he doesn’t truly love you for who you are since he wants to change you and what’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t even like you for who you actually are. Look it’s always your decision since you’re the one who has to go through everything but all ikm telling is that you deserve someone who loves the real you on your good days and your worst ones, who makes you feel special about yourself not brings you down because he doesn’t like one thing about you or is embarrassed of you
Anonymous
November 13th, 2020 3:03pm
Advice is easy to give, but it can be wrong or harmful. You are the expert on you. The best thing I can do is help you figure out the path that makes the most sense to you. Do you feel that your partner is ashamed of you for any specific reason? I would advise sitting down with them and discussing it. They may not even realize how they are making you feel. If you tell them, there's a chance they'll stop. Discuss why you think they feel embarrassed of you, and if they can't tell you straight to your face -- end it. You're better than them, they're not worth your time.
MarissaHope
November 25th, 2020 4:48pm
First, that is very hard if your own partner you love is embarrassed of you. If you both really love each other, why be embarrassed. Talking it out, and showing how you feel could be a first good step. If you don’t like that they are embarrassed of you, showing your true feelings about it could help. You both deserve the best from each other. And being embarrassed about your lover isn’t right, you should be proud of them, it all just comes down too if you really love each other, then you would care about each other’s feelings, and how this all effects them.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 6:14pm
It is hard to know how to respond when we feel our loved ones are embarrassed of us. It can often feel like they are rejecting some part of who we are. Sometimes, the best course of action in these cases is to communicate our concerns with them. Ask them questions like, "Are you embarrassed of me?" and if they confirm that they are, perhaps ask "Why are you embarrassed of me?" Understanding (rather than assuming) their feelings will help you gain clarity on the issue. If they truly are embarrassed of you, and it's because of something you cannot or are not willing to change, perhaps this person is not the optimal partner for you. If it is something you want to change, consider your motives for doing so. Are you changing for yourself or for this person? Would you change this thing about you if they weren't in the picture? It's important to answer these questions so that you do not change yourself "for them" and end up resenting them because of it. If you truly want to change for yourself, then by all means, proceed with the change. However, sometimes it's best to be with people who accept us for who we are, rather than who they wish we were. Giving ourselves compassionate and accepting relationships and environments in which to grow can help us become more self-actualized, happy, and well-adjusted individuals.
lyricalCandy61
December 27th, 2020 1:20pm
2 years ago I was in a position similar to your boyfriend/girlfriend, and I was embarrassed of my family, and even of myself. It's a long winded process and whether you resolve this or not will likely determine the fate of your relationship. He/she may slowly grow out of their own embarrassment (like I did) or perhaps the relationship would end before they get over their embarrassment. Here are some things I would suggest you do : 1. Don't give up on the relationship, despite advice you get from others to do so. The moment you give up, the hope for the relationship to last is over it's time to really end it and move on. But when you're working on it, give it your shot, it may very well work out. 2. Realise that it has nothing to do with you. The sentence "My partner is embarrassed of me" involves 3 things. The embarrassment, your partner and you, in that particular order of their actual importance to this scenario. It's the embarrassment that's the issue, not him, and not *you*. It's nothing personal, people get hooked on to certain viewpoints that they really get stuck with, and they don't want to leave those viewpoints unless it causes them pain. I can't emphasize this enough : You are okay. Your partner is likely okay (only identified with whatever is making him/her embarrassed of you). 3. See if they want to work with their embarrassment. If they do, then help them with it, but this will require extreme patience from your side if you choose to help them (however it may be. I know this is vague) 4. Do something outside of your situation, so that the situation isn't running in your mind like a tape recorder and chip away at your self esteem. Meditation, exercising, yoga, going for a walk etc. are great for self care. 5. Repeat the above 4 to yourself, whenever you find yourself getting forgetting and going into some old patterns. It takes a tremendous amount of repetition for these to become habit.
OmWeAreOne
January 1st, 2021 12:12pm
My husband has stated that he is embarrassed with and ashamed of me. It was deeply painful to hear that. I decided to look inwards at the circumstances. I know that I am not embarrassing or shameful. Most likely, he was projecting his own feelings about himself or his behavior onto me. I love the quote "Other people's opinion of me is none of my business". It encompasses unconditional self love. To accept and love myself as I am and still be open to observing anythiing about myself I might want to change. This gives me the self confidence to not be concerned with anyone's thoughts about me.
SimplySerenity23
January 8th, 2021 6:59pm
First of all, in any relationship, you should talk to them. Communication is key in any relationship. Have a mature conversation about your situation with them and if they don't listen, it's not worth to be in a relationship like that. A relationship is not only to make your partner happy, but it has to be enjoyable for you too. And if you can't talk to your partner, talk to someone you trust about your relationship like a parent, guardian, close friend, or therapist to help get a second opinion on evaluating the relationship and learning that you have a voice.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2021 2:56pm
Often we align ourselves and who we are with our partner. If they feel embarrassed, it’s because who you are doesn’t align with who they are. Sometimes this is a good opportunity to show that compatibility may not be there. How you both choose to move in your relationship it up to you, but unless there is respect and appreciation for one another as individuals, this is not a healthy relationship to continue. I was in a relationship with someone who embarrassed me, though I had tried breaking up because I made it known I did not feel we were compatible. I felt guilty and stayed but I still felt embarrassed about things he did and how he behaved. It wasn’t okay for me to stay and make him feel unsure of himself or who he was. If someone truly loves another, they will accept them.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2021 7:05pm
Talk to your partner of what is 'embarrassing' and come to a method or conclusion that both agree on. Talking to each other can help you to talk about your emotions and build trust to each other which is a necessity in a relationship. It can also show the true side of the partners and makes you understand their personality as well. If you are considering in seeking a long term relationship then it's best to talk about it as it will be a burden to hide the thing that's embarrassing just so the partner can feel happy about it and not think about your feelings.
NotSoPrinceCharming
January 20th, 2021 9:23pm
I think there are a few things to break down in this, first of all is it something that your partner has said directly to you, or is it a gut feeling that you have through there actions? If its something they have told you, I think it would be worth talking with them and understanding what has made them say that, because the last thing you want to do is change your personality or the way you are for someone. You being you shouldn't be embarrassing to someone who loves you for who you are. I think careful consideration should be taken about how serious your partner is about if they are embarrassed of you and how that could affect you in the future. If its a gut feeling you have, again, speak with your partner, but maybe question their behavior or ask them how they feel about the matter, Its important to start a conversation with them. Especially as it could be nothing at all. You shouldn't have to worry or be worried about other people finding you embarrassing. Maybe you are jut more fun and interesting than they are. You do you.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2021 11:00pm
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is embarrassed of you then they're not for you, right? What can you do to fix this issue? The issue is probably with them or they are sensing some kind of insecurity from you. People tend to target others when they sense you're vulnerable or insecure. It isn't always the case, but sometimes it can be. Relatabley, You should find a new boyfriend or girlfriend, but that's your own choice since I'm not able to give advice. When you learn to love yourself and you understand and KNOW who you are, you will be able to accept certain things easier. It's a part of life and we're all on a growth path in life to learn more about ourselves and to love ourselves. Then what other people think won't bother you as much. But say, you were in public and other people witnessed something that Is unordinary, then I would understand why this would concern you. Best of luck to you!
ashlynnmarie22
March 17th, 2021 1:29pm
if your s/o is embarrassed of you, then they simply dont deserve you! love is without judgement. you accept them for who they are and love every part of them. i say find someone who lifts you up, not brings you down. it can be difficult to know for sure how to handle this with the s/o. i would explain to them how that made you feel. nobody deserves to feel like they're embarrassing. especially if you're being yourself. never change for any one. we are all unique in our own ways and deserving of love. i hope anyone reading this knows they're special.