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How to forget my one-sided love?

170 Answers
Last Updated: 12/16/2021 at 2:25am
How to forget my one-sided love?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
May 22nd, 2016 9:02am
If you are feeling this way then you may need to sit down and talk, a relationship doesn't work if only one party is happy! It's a two sided thing and if you're not happy then let her know!
April 26th, 2018 5:25am
It's a truly work on yourself. You should start appreciate and love yourself. You need to understand that you deserve all the best things in this world, all these things that make you happy. And one-sided love is not one of them. You must to find an occupation, a hobby, activity to spend your time. Find something that makes you really happy and spend all your time on it.
September 29th, 2019 8:01am
New Year’s Eve 2009 found me sprawled across my bed and sobbing. I had been hoping against hope for a romantic New Year’s invite from my friend Shea, who I’d been crushing on since college. I had spent the entire afternoon hanging out and chatting with him at the bar where he worked, thinking maybe, just maybe, this would be the day he revealed that he felt the same way about me. It wasn’t. So I spent the night alone, crying, and wrestling once again with the heartbreak of being rejected by someone who liked me – a lot – but not the way I wanted them to. I was in my late twenties at this point, and this was an unhappily familiar feeling. For my teens and most of my twenties, my standard romantic situation was “I’m in love with my friend, and they’re probably/definitely not interested.” If I’d been getting college credit for all those years, I’d easily have a PhD in Unrequited Love, with a specialization in How to Deal Without Ruining the Friendship. It’s simple, if not easy, to deal with feelings for someone you don’t know well. You suffer, you cry, you write poems, and then eventually you move on. When it’s someone you’re friends with, though, it gets trickier. You want them to stay in your life. You can’t always avoid seeing them while you nurse your broken heart. And because you know them better, your feelings for them have deeper roots and take longer to die down. Nothing I’ve learned over the years makes unrequited love not suck. It hurt when I was thirteen, and it hurt when I was 28. But I did learn a lot of things that made the hurt bearable, and enabled me to have relationships with the people I loved that were healthy for both of us. So here are the five things I’ve found most helpful in coping with unrequited love. 1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Unrequited love is a loss. It is normal to feel grief, anger, denial, and all the other things a person might feel after loss. Your feelings about the person you love are real, and the hopes you had had are real. In our culture, we don’t give space to mourn the loss of unrequited love. We tend to say either “Go get ‘em, try harder, your love will win out eventually!” or “Stop being pathetic and get over it.” And neither of these are healthy. If the person you love isn’t interested, continuing to pursue them is both disrespectful to them and hurtful to you, as it delays your ability to heal. But there’s nothing pathetic about feeling deep sadness when a love you feel deeply isn’t returned. It’s okay to mourn. When the person you love is a friend, the fact that they clearly like you can make it even harder to process as a loss. No matter how many times you’ve said that you accept they aren’t interested in you romantically, moments of warmth and closeness can bring the fires of hope flickering back to life. You may end up going through the grief process multiple times. I certainly have, with Shea and with many of the other friends I’ve pined for. It’s frustrating. It’s hard not to feel foolish, wrestling with the same anger and sadness you thought you’d moved past two months ago. The important thing is to remember that these feelings are normal – and healthy. They take you toward healing, even if the road seems impossibly long and twisted. 2. Pick Your Distance I’m not going to lay down rules like “You have to stop hanging out with the person you love!” or “You can only call them twice a week!” Every relationship is different, every person is different, and I can’t tell you what will work for you. What I can say is that, most of the time, it’ll be helpful to create some extra space between yourself and the person you love while you work on healing from the loss. Extra space could mean cutting in half the time you spend talking to them. It could mean taking a few weeks or even months off from seeing them at all. It could mean setting aside certain days and times where you focus on other relationships, other activities, anything but them. Pick what seems to work for you – but do something to create some space. This is extra important if you’ve been putting a lot of one-sided energy into the relationship. If you’ve been doing them a lot of favors or doing heavy emotional labor that they don’t return, this is the time to pull back on that. Yes, you’re still friends, and friends help each other out, but it’s important to separate the nice things you do for your friend from the hope that they’ll love you back if you just give enough. You can do that by being very attentive to how much energy you’re pouring into the relationship. 3. Understand What Your Brain is Doing We’ve known since the beginning of humanity that unrequited love can make you feel despondent, panicked, and obsessive. In the last few decades, neuroscience has given us a little more insight into why we feel those things. Everybody experiences love and loss a little differently. For me, for example, my feelings tend to be expressed in obsessive, intrusive thoughts rather than surging rushes of emotion or impulsive actions. But when you look at the neurobiology of lost love, you can see a lot of common threads in the thoughts, feelings, and actions that unrequited love tends to create. Saying “I can’t stop thinking about the person I love because my dopamine is high and serotonin is low” doesn’t change the reality of that feeling. The feelings are just as strong and real after we have names for the hormones that contribute to them as they were before. But knowing the biological basics can give you hope, though. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling something strongly, I tend to assume I will feel that way forever. I know it’s not true, but I have a hard time really believing that I’ll ever experience anything but the soul-searing pain I’m in right now. In those moments, it can be helpful to remember that my feelings are related to the surges of hormones in my brain, and that it is completely normal and expected for those hormones to show up under these circumstances. It doesn’t negate the feelings or diminish their importance. It just puts them in context. Another helpful insight that neurobiology gives us is this: Romantic, passionate love tends to burn brighter and longer when there are obstacles. In the normal run of things, in a happy and healthy relationship, the butterflies and thrills of new love will fade away in anywhere from six months to two years, with 18 months being the most typical lifespan. When our love is thwarted, though – whether it’s by external barriers or their not feeling the same way – the lifespan of the infatuation can be extended by years. So if you’ve been passionately in love with your best friend for five years, and no love in any other romantic relationship has lasted as long, that might be precisely because it’s not working out between you – not because you are special soulmates who belong together.
December 29th, 2016 11:18pm
You need to learn that you want to be with someone who loves you back. Is there really any love there if its one sided? It should be equally distributed
March 9th, 2017 8:02am
if someone doesn't reciprocate their feelings of love and affection, as hard as it may be to acknowledge, just bear in mind that there really is someone out there that will genuinely love you for simply being you. you cant forget a person you love; feelings don't work like that, as they don't just go away. but it's important to stay occupied and be proactive with things that you enjoy and consider as hobbies and enjoyable activities. don't lose sight of the prettiness of the world around you, and the beauty and mystery of you discovering it.
June 2nd, 2018 12:58am
Forgettig a one-sided love can be very difficult. I validate those who are attempting to do this. You will have to stay strong and do what is best for you. You are the most important person in your life and you have to remember that. Do what makes you happy.
April 21st, 2016 5:16pm
Honestly if you have to daily interact with her for class or because she's your friend, you should tell her how you feel. If you have, find other activities to focus on. Just know that eventually, those feelings will be for someone else.
May 13th, 2016 5:56am
Sadly, it won't be easy to forget or get over a one sided love when you're exposed to them daily. My best advice would be to do things to distract yourself from her. Hang out with friends, go hiking. Plan things so that meeting with her doesn't become the main event of your day that you focus on
June 5th, 2016 12:36pm
Why would you forget about her ? Make your mind about your situation and accept it. Also, your situation will change, rush this change if you feel too uncomfortable with it (new job, etc).
June 25th, 2016 5:11pm
You can go out and meet new people, doing new activities or something you wanted to do for a long time, do something with your friends... The main goal is to keep your mind busy :) You can try to talk with her to manage your schedule, so you wont be with her all the time.
June 29th, 2016 4:06pm
You don't need to forget her, maybe you'll just grow out of it someday and find somebody who loves you.
August 21st, 2016 8:55am
you just have to keep talking to as many women as possible , just keep doing that , keep making new friends, you'll eventually be out of it.
September 2nd, 2016 8:27pm
Turn as much focus as you can towards life-rewarding or simply relaxing activities. If she works with you keep busy and/or your mind focused on 'work, not play'. If it is more of a social situation then go by situation. You can avoid sitting with her or talking about things that you know will open up conversations between the two of you. When interacting with her keep a proper/respectful distance and don't take too much away from simple interactions. For example a hug is just a hug, a greeting or a comfort to some and that's it, so any more personal focus on it is unessessarily damaging to yourself.
September 3rd, 2016 2:23pm
Try find another love interest, pick up a hobby, remind yourself that she doesn't feel the same as you do. Sometimes it's best to just have a little cry about it. I find it helps you move on.
October 23rd, 2016 6:45am
Keep a distance to the person and items/etc. that remind you about them, if possible. Take care of yourself; physically and mentally.
October 27th, 2016 11:02am
Classic unrequited love; the stuff of so much classic literature but in reality can be a very painful life lesson. Without doubt, those who suffer this terrible affliction grow much faster than the ones who always get the girl/guy. But your love/obsession/infatuation will fade in time if you do 2 things; 1) accept that for whatever earthly reason you didn't end up with them and that other options will in time, present themselves. 2) It's not the time that passe but how you fill it in your quest to repair your battered heart, forcing yourself out into the world to pursue a new hobby, and in turn meeting new people will be the best remedy for you in that dark and horrible moment. You'll look back at that person in time without the pain, I promise.
February 24th, 2017 9:08pm
by finding a two-sided love..when you find someone who loves you back, you will forget the heartbreaking stories
April 24th, 2017 3:03pm
I have not forgotten a very important one-sided love, but I have accepted it was not mutual no matter how much I obsessed or pouted. In acceptance there's memory, yes, but pain fades away and that new vacuum can be filled with loving kindness towards our hurting self. In doing so, we heal, we let go, we move on, and we prepare ourselves for loving again in the future.
July 26th, 2017 2:09pm
Learn to love yourself first, and a balanced relationship will happen naturally. I had one-sided "love" for several years but I finally came to terms with it by getting closure through the person. I told them how I felt for so long and that I was sick of it. It was hurting me and holding me back and that I needed to move on. She didn't respond but I felt better after saying it and I felt like I could move on.
August 17th, 2017 3:02pm
Honestly, there is no universal answer that will work for everyone. All you can do is think about that person a little less each day, miss them a little less each day, and one day -and it won't come easy and it may come in 1 week or 5 years - but one of these day, you will go an entire day without thinking of them. You won't be reminded of them by a place, a person or memory. And when that day comes, you will be completely liberated from your heartache, and you will simply forget, feel distant from the past. Take comfort in knowing that one day, someone will love you back, whole heartedly and with the can't-live without you kind of love. It will make every heartbreak, every self-doubt, every rejection worth it. There are no rules for love, no guaranteed time frame, but it will come when you least expect it.
May 6th, 2018 6:05am
Focus on yourself instead of people. That is how you move ahead. Do your own thing, kick your own goals. Thinking about rest of the people, where they are in life or what they have isn’t going to change a single thing to yours. Don’t let people tell you that you are less or are not capable of doing things. Wake up every morning to tell yourself that you are capable of doing anything, because you are! Don’t depend on anyone else for your happiness. Be one for your own self :)
July 10th, 2016 9:25pm
That can pretty difficult to get over someone because you are exposed to her daily. When you are exposed to a person it is hard not to love them. You can try to move on by looking for love else where. But I recommend reading the selfhelp guide on breakups even though you were never with her, there are some helpful things in there that can be helpful to you.
September 15th, 2016 1:23am
Realize that a one-sided love is not healthy. Love is about mutual respect, appreciation and affection. There will be someone out there who will be able to give that to you. But first, give it to yourself by not allowing a relationship into your life that you are not benefiting from. Hang out with friends and family, find a hobby, do things that make you happy. By doing this, you are becoming your best self for a lover that will appreciate you for all that you are.
October 9th, 2016 10:51am
Rather than trying to forget (which may not come easily and may make you feel worse in the short-term), try to embrace the fact you did love and that even though it wasn't returned, your heart works and you have the ability to feel affection for another human being.
October 9th, 2016 9:10pm
Time. The only cure for getting over a heartbreak is letting time take its course. It may seem like forever, and everyone's heartbreak period will be different lengths, but nothing is more precious in healing heartbreak than waiting.
October 29th, 2016 3:22pm
You should start taking care of yourself. You're worth it. Do what you like and find time to spend it on yourself
November 10th, 2016 11:26pm
You'll probably never forget your one sided love unfortunately. The best thing to do is to remember that it is one sided. If you love someone you want to make them happy, sadly even if that means leaving them alone.
March 2nd, 2017 2:28am
I'm not going to lie, coming to terms with one-sided love is hard. Focusing on yourself and your well-being is key, though. It won't be an easy process, and it will take time, but use the people in your life as support, and they will help you the best they can.
March 15th, 2017 8:52pm
You move on and you learn to love yourself, you learn to surround yourself around everything they never gave you. You want love, love yourself. You want laughter, watch something funny or hang out with friends who you know really make you laugh. Whatever it is, get it and in time, you'll forget about them.
July 6th, 2017 4:29am
Get creative. Write, sing, dance, paint, talk, do whatever you can to let your emotions out in a constructive way. Unrequited love is hard, but you have to let yourself feel it in order for it to go away. Eventually, you grow to accept it and you'll move on, once all your emotion is expressed. Hang in there!