How to forget my one-sided love?

New Year’s Eve 2009 found me sprawled across my bed and sobbing. I had been hoping against hope for a romantic New Year’s invite from my friend Shea, who I’d been crushing on since college. I had spent the entire afternoon hanging out and chatting with him at the bar where he worked, thinking maybe, just maybe, this would be the day he revealed that he felt the same way about me. It wasn’t. So I spent the night alone, crying, and wrestling once again with the heartbreak of being rejected by someone who liked me – a lot – but not the way I wanted them to. I was in my late twenties at this point, and this was an unhappily familiar feeling. For my teens and most of my twenties, my standard romantic situation was “I’m in love with my friend, and they’re probably/definitely not interested.” If I’d been getting college credit for all those years, I’d easily have a PhD in Unrequited Love, with a specialization in How to Deal Without Ruining the Friendship. It’s simple, if not easy, to deal with feelings for someone you don’t know well. You suffer, you cry, you write poems, and then eventually you move on. When it’s someone you’re friends with, though, it gets trickier. You want them to stay in your life. You can’t always avoid seeing them while you nurse your broken heart. And because you know them better, your feelings for them have deeper roots and take longer to die down. Nothing I’ve learned over the years makes unrequited love not suck. It hurt when I was thirteen, and it hurt when I was 28. But I did learn a lot of things that made the hurt bearable, and enabled me to have relationships with the people I loved that were healthy for both of us. So here are the five things I’ve found most helpful in coping with unrequited love. 1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Unrequited love is a loss. It is normal to feel grief, anger, denial, and all the other things a person might feel after loss. Your feelings about the person you love are real, and the hopes you had had are real. In our culture, we don’t give space to mourn the loss of unrequited love. We tend to say either “Go get ‘em, try harder, your love will win out eventually!” or “Stop being pathetic and get over it.” And neither of these are healthy. If the person you love isn’t interested, continuing to pursue them is both disrespectful to them and hurtful to you, as it delays your ability to heal. But there’s nothing pathetic about feeling deep sadness when a love you feel deeply isn’t returned. It’s okay to mourn. When the person you love is a friend, the fact that they clearly like you can make it even harder to process as a loss. No matter how many times you’ve said that you accept they aren’t interested in you romantically, moments of warmth and closeness can bring the fires of hope flickering back to life. You may end up going through the grief process multiple times. I certainly have, with Shea and with many of the other friends I’ve pined for. It’s frustrating. It’s hard not to feel foolish, wrestling with the same anger and sadness you thought you’d moved past two months ago. The important thing is to remember that these feelings are normal – and healthy. They take you toward healing, even if the road seems impossibly long and twisted. 2. Pick Your Distance I’m not going to lay down rules like “You have to stop hanging out with the person you love!” or “You can only call them twice a week!” Every relationship is different, every person is different, and I can’t tell you what will work for you. What I can say is that, most of the time, it’ll be helpful to create some extra space between yourself and the person you love while you work on healing from the loss. Extra space could mean cutting in half the time you spend talking to them. It could mean taking a few weeks or even months off from seeing them at all. It could mean setting aside certain days and times where you focus on other relationships, other activities, anything but them. Pick what seems to work for you – but do something to create some space. This is extra important if you’ve been putting a lot of one-sided energy into the relationship. If you’ve been doing them a lot of favors or doing heavy emotional labor that they don’t return, this is the time to pull back on that. Yes, you’re still friends, and friends help each other out, but it’s important to separate the nice things you do for your friend from the hope that they’ll love you back if you just give enough. You can do that by being very attentive to how much energy you’re pouring into the relationship. 3. Understand What Your Brain is Doing We’ve known since the beginning of humanity that unrequited love can make you feel despondent, panicked, and obsessive. In the last few decades, neuroscience has given us a little more insight into why we feel those things. Everybody experiences love and loss a little differently. For me, for example, my feelings tend to be expressed in obsessive, intrusive thoughts rather than surging rushes of emotion or impulsive actions. But when you look at the neurobiology of lost love, you can see a lot of common threads in the thoughts, feelings, and actions that unrequited love tends to create. Saying “I can’t stop thinking about the person I love because my dopamine is high and serotonin is low” doesn’t change the reality of that feeling. The feelings are just as strong and real after we have names for the hormones that contribute to them as they were before. But knowing the biological basics can give you hope, though. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling something strongly, I tend to assume I will feel that way forever. I know it’s not true, but I have a hard time really believing that I’ll ever experience anything but the soul-searing pain I’m in right now. In those moments, it can be helpful to remember that my feelings are related to the surges of hormones in my brain, and that it is completely normal and expected for those hormones to show up under these circumstances. It doesn’t negate the feelings or diminish their importance. It just puts them in context. Another helpful insight that neurobiology gives us is this: Romantic, passionate love tends to burn brighter and longer when there are obstacles. In the normal run of things, in a happy and healthy relationship, the butterflies and thrills of new love will fade away in anywhere from six months to two years, with 18 months being the most typical lifespan. When our love is thwarted, though – whether it’s by external barriers or their not feeling the same way – the lifespan of the infatuation can be extended by years. So if you’ve been passionately in love with your best friend for five years, and no love in any other romantic relationship has lasted as long, that might be precisely because it’s not working out between you – not because you are special soulmates who belong together.

If you are feeling this way then you may need to sit down and talk, a relationship doesn't work if only one party is happy! It's a two sided thing and if you're not happy then let her know!

It's a truly work on yourself. You should start appreciate and love yourself. You need to understand that you deserve all the best things in this world, all these things that make you happy. And one-sided love is not one of them. You must to find an occupation, a hobby, activity to spend your time. Find something that makes you really happy and spend all your time on it.

if someone doesn't reciprocate their feelings of love and affection, as hard as it may be to acknowledge, just bear in mind that there really is someone out there that will genuinely love you for simply being you. you cant forget a person you love; feelings don't work like that, as they don't just go away. but it's important to stay occupied and be proactive with things that you enjoy and consider as hobbies and enjoyable activities. don't lose sight of the prettiness of the world around you, and the beauty and mystery of you discovering it.

You need to learn that you want to be with someone who loves you back. Is there really any love there if its one sided? It should be equally distributed

Forgettig a one-sided love can be very difficult. I validate those who are attempting to do this. You will have to stay strong and do what is best for you. You are the most important person in your life and you have to remember that. Do what makes you happy.

You don't need to forget her, maybe you'll just grow out of it someday and find somebody who loves you.

Learn to love yourself first, and a balanced relationship will happen naturally. I had one-sided "love" for several years but I finally came to terms with it by getting closure through the person. I told them how I felt for so long and that I was sick of it. It was hurting me and holding me back and that I needed to move on. She didn't respond but I felt better after saying it and I felt like I could move on.

From my personal experience, I can tell that one-sided love can be a painful experience. Time helped me a lot, and nowadays I don't feel that strongly about the memory of this past experience any longer.

Honestly, there is no universal answer that will work for everyone. All you can do is think about that person a little less each day, miss them a little less each day, and one day -and it won't come easy and it may come in 1 week or 5 years - but one of these day, you will go an entire day without thinking of them. You won't be reminded of them by a place, a person or memory. And when that day comes, you will be completely liberated from your heartache, and you will simply forget, feel distant from the past. Take comfort in knowing that one day, someone will love you back, whole heartedly and with the can't-live without you kind of love. It will make every heartbreak, every self-doubt, every rejection worth it. There are no rules for love, no guaranteed time frame, but it will come when you least expect it.

I have not forgotten a very important one-sided love, but I have accepted it was not mutual no matter how much I obsessed or pouted. In acceptance there's memory, yes, but pain fades away and that new vacuum can be filled with loving kindness towards our hurting self. In doing so, we heal, we let go, we move on, and we prepare ourselves for loving again in the future.

by finding a two-sided love..when you find someone who loves you back, you will forget the heartbreaking stories

Honestly if you have to daily interact with her for class or because she's your friend, you should tell her how you feel. If you have, find other activities to focus on. Just know that eventually, those feelings will be for someone else.

Try to find ways to distract yourself! Hang out with yout friends, maybe go to the movies or treat yourself to a nice dinner. Try to stay away from places you might accidentally meet them or even try to use as little social media as possible and get out of their way until you feel like it is safe for you to face them again! You got this!

Throw away anything that reminds you of them, delete screenshots of conversations between you and them, their pictures or any gifts they have give you. Learn to love yourself slowly and eventually you will find someone who will love you just as much as you love them

Focus on yourself instead of people. That is how you move ahead. Do your own thing, kick your own goals. Thinking about rest of the people, where they are in life or what they have isn’t going to change a single thing to yours. Don’t let people tell you that you are less or are not capable of doing things. Wake up every morning to tell yourself that you are capable of doing anything, because you are! Don’t depend on anyone else for your happiness. Be one for your own self :)

Classic unrequited love; the stuff of so much classic literature but in reality can be a very painful life lesson. Without doubt, those who suffer this terrible affliction grow much faster than the ones who always get the girl/guy. But your love/obsession/infatuation will fade in time if you do 2 things; 1) accept that for whatever earthly reason you didn't end up with them and that other options will in time, present themselves. 2) It's not the time that passe but how you fill it in your quest to repair your battered heart, forcing yourself out into the world to pursue a new hobby, and in turn meeting new people will be the best remedy for you in that dark and horrible moment. You'll look back at that person in time without the pain, I promise.

Try find another love interest, pick up a hobby, remind yourself that she doesn't feel the same as you do. Sometimes it's best to just have a little cry about it. I find it helps you move on.

You can go out and meet new people, doing new activities or something you wanted to do for a long time, do something with your friends... The main goal is to keep your mind busy :) You can try to talk with her to manage your schedule, so you wont be with her all the time.

Why would you forget about her ? Make your mind about your situation and accept it. Also, your situation will change, rush this change if you feel too uncomfortable with it (new job, etc).

you just have to keep talking to as many women as possible , just keep doing that , keep making new friends, you'll eventually be out of it.

Sadly, it won't be easy to forget or get over a one sided love when you're exposed to them daily. My best advice would be to do things to distract yourself from her. Hang out with friends, go hiking. Plan things so that meeting with her doesn't become the main event of your day that you focus on

Turn as much focus as you can towards life-rewarding or simply relaxing activities. If she works with you keep busy and/or your mind focused on 'work, not play'. If it is more of a social situation then go by situation. You can avoid sitting with her or talking about things that you know will open up conversations between the two of you. When interacting with her keep a proper/respectful distance and don't take too much away from simple interactions. For example a hug is just a hug, a greeting or a comfort to some and that's it, so any more personal focus on it is unessessarily damaging to yourself.

Keep a distance to the person and items/etc. that remind you about them, if possible. Take care of yourself; physically and mentally.

Remind yourself all the times when you fought for the persons attention, tried to talk to them but they made you feel worthless. Remind yourself reasons why it was one sided, all the opportunities they had to come to you, to message you but they didn't. Realize that you don't deserve someones maybe, you don't deserve to be left hanging. You deserve a person who makes you their priority, who can love you as much as you love them. But if you keep yourself stuck on that one person, you will never be able to see these people who will treat you with love and compassion

Try not to avoid your feelings, if at all possible. By intentionally not thinking about something, it is scientifically proven that we actually think about it more. Acknowledge your feelings, and recognize that they are ok. Take some time to process how you feel about everything that happened.

You move on and you learn to love yourself, you learn to surround yourself around everything they never gave you. You want love, love yourself. You want laughter, watch something funny or hang out with friends who you know really make you laugh. Whatever it is, get it and in time, you'll forget about them.

When you are facing issues due to unrequited love, it is easier to let go of the trouble than to hold on to it in false hopes. A rebound is not the answer to forgetting onesided love. You can never really forget love. So, you decide to grow from it. Learn from it. And make a change in your life that hates to look back in regret. Make this change sustainable and help yourself stay happy and positive by looking straight ahead. Treat all the obstacles like adversities. Grow from embarrassments- call them experiences. Be mindful at all times. Calm yourself down instead of panicking. Talk instead of staying low-key and reserved. It is okay to be sad for some time, everyone is. B

It can be hard to move on from unrequited or one-sided love. Often, when we feel a certain way for someone, and they don't feel that way towards us, we wish we could simply "forget" them, or the way we feel towards them. Unfortunately, actually "forgetting" can prove a difficult task. There are ways we can move on, but seldom do they involve really actually "forgetting". Instead, we can realize what the relationship is truly meant to be. Does the person wish to be a friend, an acquaintance, or something else? Once we understand someone else's goals for the mutual friendship/relationship, we can begin to reset our expectations. We should accept a person's willingness (or unwillingness) to play a certain role (or not) in our lives. This is a form of honoring their consent. Once we accept what they are able and willing to be, we can begin the process of resetting the relationship (or lack thereof) to reflect that. This means, among other things, adjusting our expectations of the person and the relationship.

It's a different process for everyone and generally just requires time. I suggest looking into the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy guide and Grief guide here on 7 cups. Consider focusing on self-care for a while, such as in taking time to do things you enjoy or build new habits, like gratitude journalling or exercising. You could also try strengthening your current relationships with friends and family or building new connections. Even going back into the dating pool is an option so that you can build some autonomy and control by taking action to meet more new people, which will increase the chance that you find someone you can connect deeply with.