How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
Last Updated: 01/28/2021 at 10:00am
Jannise McKamey-Bruell, LAPC
I am a nonjudgmental counselor that employs transparency, trust, honesty and integrity in her practice and in the therapeutic relationship.
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Most of us are guilty of over-thinking, especially when it comes to relationships. We wonder if we are attractive enough, funny enough, smart enough. We want to impress the other person so that they will want to be with us, which in turn makes us feel good about ourselves. The key to a happy balanced relationship is to love oneself first. When we love ourselves we are not seeking validation or fulfillment from another person. We are already feeling happy and secure within ourselves. When we love ourselves we can then give to others. We can feel confident that we have something to offer someone else. When we over-think, we risk sabotaging the relationship. We cannot possibly predict what the other person is thinking or how they are feeling. We need to communicate and ask questions if we are truly going to understand the other person's perspectives. We need to learn to live in the moment and not within our heads. When we can be fully present with the other person, we can be engaged into their world and prevent ourselves from over-thinking.
tricky one, it depends on you and the other person and what's making you over think. Sometimes it helps to write down what bothers you so much and read it back and see if it's still worth worrying about? I am here to always listen and specialise in relationship issues.
The trick is to live in the moment. Thinking too far into the past and too far into the future causes anxiety. You need to tell yourself that you are already in that relationship for a reason - and no matter what you think about won't change the outcome of things. If the relationship is meant to end it will end regardless of how much you think about it; and actually, over thinking can damage the relationship because you are not living in the moment and putting your effort in at that exact moment.
One of the question to ask is "Is this true?" or "How do I know this true?" and if one can't find any evidence to back it up, then we should leave the thought as it is.
Take one day, one moment at a time. The fact that you're overthinking things in your relationship, any time of relationship, might suggest that you're worried about something else in your life. Try and figure out if there's anything in your life that's making you nervous or stressed and take it from there.
“Whether you think you can or think you can't, either way, you are right.” So true. Overthinking is unhealthy and destructive. It is a waste of time, energy, and our emotions. Women, are much more likely than men to ruminate on stress and disappointments and engage in overthinking a relationship. In a relationship if we make someone our center of universe , we go off our center. Instead of enjoying what is there in the moment we fret over our future. We suffocate our relationship by expecting too much out of it. Overthinking and over analyzing creates a pessimistic view of any situation. So how do we stop ourselves from over thinking in a relationship : Let go of your “what ifs” : we will never know all the answers , so let it go and let the mystery unfold. Distract yourselves : if a thought arises acknowledge it and let it go. Stop talking about it : once you have vented your feelings to someone just stop talking about it. Find some purpose : living a purposeful life connect to who you are and give you much joy and fulfillment. “chill out” and “live in the moment”.
It's important that you trust yourself and your partner. Don't be afraid to openly discuss things with them - this can make you feel more at ease, and explain to them your worries. One good tip for immediate relief is to write your future self a note every once in a while, so that you can read it when you're getting worked up. It could be as simple as "Breathe" or "You don't need to Question it" or a sweet quote to keep you calm.
Sometimes our past experiences make us question whether or not something bad will happen in our current relationship. Relationships can make us feel vulnerable, so it's natural to worry about what might happen. Try to recognize what you are overthinking about and whether this though is helping or harming your relationship. Try to talk to your partner about your concerns instead of keeping your thoughts to yourself, or talk to someone else you care about to help you stop ruminating.
Learn to trust your love for your partner and your partner's love for you. If you trust someone enough, you will not overthink things. If you find yourself overthinking over things, try to calm yourself and remind yourself all the good qualities and all good things about your relationship with your partner. And if something is bothering you and you are overthinking so much, try to communicate and talk to your partner. It will build trust, communication and transparency that so on may lead to healthy relationship.
I think it's best to start by being secure with yourself. That way, you can avoid being insecure in a relationship.
It's important to remember that in a relationship, everyone has the tendency to overturn things. Your partner is likely having similar thoughts. Everytime you get into the pattern of overthinking things, take a step back. Breathe. Maybe write down what you're feeling and realize that it's one thing, not a thousand things.
Think about yourself more than what your partner thinks of you! Sometimes we humans can't help it, but it's important to remember to love yourself just as much as, if not more than, the other person loves you.
Sometimes in a relationship you need to stop and think through your emotions and put thought into whats real and makes sense versus what is you overthinking.
Try not to focus on the eventual outcome of the relationship and the end game - whether it be sex, marriage, or whatever else. Just focus on your current situation and whatever makes you happy now.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, until nothing is concrete then just keep minding your own business and focus on your relationship and how to deepen it, trust them that they are doing right by you and you the same way to. In the end they can either grow and acknowledge all the trust you've given them or they break away because of the lies they told and no longer want to honor you.
Take time to appreciate the things you have. Don't worry about what might happen in the future. The more you think about what might happen, the more you ignore the wonderful now that is right in front of you.
Trust your gut instinct if the overthinking is a result of jealousy, trust, or fear, if you think something is wrong then the relationship isn't working for you and you will only be more upset the longer you drag out this feeling. If you are worried about things like "what are they thinking" "why do they do this" etc, then communication is the key...just ask them. Having open communication in a relationship is important, as cliche as that sounds, just talk to them. This builds trust and honesty, and most of all it can answer your questions. If the overthinking is about something they did that bothers you, again...communication is the key "I don't like it when you ...." or "It bothered me that you...", you could start it with "I need to talk about something and I don't want it to upset you but it's on my mind" type statement. If you are intimidated by talking to them directly, try talking to a friend or writing it all out in a journal and think of all the information you have and the perspective of the other person. You can make your decision about the situation after you've fully thought it out.
Firstly, in a relationship you must work on yourself and make sure your partner is doing so as well. Relationships are about two individuals coming together and making a "whole." Communication is key when overthinking happens, along with self-soothing. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a great thing you can do on your own when you are feeling overwhelmed with thoughts. Meditation (via youtube guided meditations) , even for five minutes, can distract you so that you can have increased clarity on a situation. Everyone overthinks, and you are not alone. Relationships are very important to us, and it is pertinent to remove yourself from the overwhelming thoughts so that you can come back to it with more of a rational mindset.
Live for the moment, respect yourself, accept that you are in the relationship to fulfill your needs and not only the partner's needs, you are here to complete a half, not to live the other's life.
Trust and honesty. Reassurance and give security. Communicate often and proper way. Think positives, not the negative.
You should talk about your problems to your partner and not just keep it to yourself, also attend it as quick as possible and don't delay it
Communicate and have trust. Trust and respect within ones relationship is so vital to the overall health of the partnership. Without trust we leave ourselves vulnerable to negative thoughts permeating our minds and hearts. Learn to trust as much as you love and above all learn to communicate effectively with your partner and both of you can grow with each other from there :)
Communication is an important part of any relationship. And without communication, a relationship can quickly break down. In my experience from my anxiety and depression, I tend to obsessively overthink - until I have exhausted myself! Even over the smallest details. But the best way that I have learned to deal with overthinking in my relationship, is through communication, love and reassurance. I always found that speaking through my worries helped me see and rationalise my thoughts, and find support through my partner. It made our relationship very healthy, and now we are able to talk about everything - including the silly, nitpicky worries that I find myself obsessing over.
It's down to trust, you need to identify why you are overthinking things and prehaps ask your partner for reassurance.
It's easy to overthink things, but you can't stop if you don't know how to recognize the problem. The next time something happens, take some time to reflect upon it. Ask yourself, "Am I overreacting?" Examine your thoughts thoroughly and logically, searching for truth. You may find out that you're overthinking something, and are illogically upset.
Overthinking things in a relationship can be beneficial in some aspects but also equally destructive. It depends greatly on the issues that are causing the over thinking, For example if there are fundamental issues to the relationship then a conversation with your partner is necessary to discuss the issues and to ease the pressure on yourself. If they are issues such as trust, self confidence etc, then these need to also be addressed again with a conversation with your loved one. Maybe past relationships have caused you to overthink things more or any other past experiences. If this is the case, maybe seeking help from a menthal health professional may help to address some of the issues.
Just remember that overthinking creates problems that dont even exist. So the less you overthink the less problems you have.
When you start overthinking things in a relationship, you create problems that might not even be there. Step out a space of anxiety and overthinking and into the moment. Remember what brought you two together in the first place and be open and communicative with your partner.
When it comes to overthinking things you have to ask yourself why is it you are overthinking things? Was it over an unresolved issue? Has the issue been talked about and you are still anxious over what has happened? The best thing you can do is figure out why you are overthinking things and then tackle them with your partner. Sometimes when you discuss (not fight) things out loud with your other half it brings a light to the things that we were overthinking in our head. It can be difficult, but with time and patience it can be achieved.
If the person loves you and you love him then you need to stop because there is a low chance of bad things happening
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