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Why am I nervous around my girlfriend?

275 Answers
Last Updated: 12/28/2019 at 3:28pm
Why am I nervous around my girlfriend?
★ This question about Anxiety was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
July 2nd, 2015 5:31am
Because you like her, and want to make a good impression. That's natural, and it shows that you care about how she feels, and about her.
July 2nd, 2015 5:24pm
There could be many reasons for that you could care for her and love her so much you are afraid that you will do something to mess it up
July 2nd, 2015 7:34pm
Perhaps you are nervous about your own insecurities, if this is not the case then it is sensible to consider speaking to her about it and deciding what is best for both of you.
July 2nd, 2015 10:56pm
Perhaps this is because you like her, obviously. Feelings in your body can trigger these things and often make you very nervous. This is simply because you are nervous. A lot of people have this problem.
July 3rd, 2015 2:46am
If she's so hot if you think she's too good for you if you think you are not enough if there is pressure in the relationship
July 3rd, 2015 7:20am
Maybe you just really like her. Often times, when you really care about someone, you'll start to get nervous around them. You'll think all sorts of things and get stressed over things you normally wouldn't.
July 3rd, 2015 3:48pm
So you feel nervous around your girlfriend? I cannot give you personal advice, but have you tried talking to her about it?
July 3rd, 2015 9:17pm
You are horrible in bed and you think she knows. Ask her how she feels about you. That might clarify it.
July 4th, 2015 12:23am
You want to make sure that you are always at your best. The anxiety settles in and you feel nervous.
July 4th, 2015 6:08am
You may feel nervous based on the emotions you feel around her, such as attraction, vulnerability, and future possibility. It is normal and okay to sometimes feel this way around her. Unless you feel it overly often, you should be fine.
July 4th, 2015 12:08pm
You could be nervous because you really like her and value her and her opinion and doing something that offends her or she doesn't like could have you feeling really uneasy and worried
July 4th, 2015 5:29pm
Love can cause you to feel many emotions. I used to be a nervous wreck around my girlfriend. I wasn't able to skype, talk on the phone, and I could barely text. Eventually, I became more comfortable around her and the nerves went away. It's just how well you are comfortable and trusting of her. Once you realize there's no need to be nervous, all is well.
July 4th, 2015 11:59pm
Maybe you like her so much that you get so nervous about trivial things .. because her opinion is of high importance
July 5th, 2015 1:31pm
It can be because of you feeling uncomfortable, or because of her feeling uncomfortable. It can be because of being unsure about something, or feeling something so heavily that you can't quite wrap your head about it. It's important to figure that out as soon as possible, though.
July 5th, 2015 4:51pm
It's not necessarily always a bad thing to be nervous around your girlfriend. Maybe you've just started out your relationship and you're still giddy/nervous when you meet up. If you're really close but generally just feel nervous at the thought of being around her, maybe there's more negative things happening in your relationship than what you'd like to admit
July 5th, 2015 8:11pm
Well that's a good question why do you think you are nervous around her how about you tell me more about what going on with you and her
July 5th, 2015 8:52pm
i dont know maybe you feel she is threatenig to you? if thats so make sure shes not abusive and if she is you must leave her
July 8th, 2015 12:02am
Being around someone you have feelings for can make you nervous even if youve known them for a while
July 8th, 2015 2:31am
We want to be accepted, loved and sometimes this will make us anxious. Especially with someone you admire deeply such as a girlfriend.
July 8th, 2015 7:11am
I got nervous because I have a lot of baggage that I wasn't telling them about. I wasn't fully being honest with my partner about my feelings or my past, so it was hard to connect with them. When I thought about them knowing my secrets, I was worried that they would feel less about me or judge me.
July 8th, 2015 1:35pm
Because you are too excited. It's normal because you are in love with her. And its also normal to feel like vomiting.
July 8th, 2015 6:35pm
If you are nervous around your girlfriend it probably means you don't feel at ease with her and you do a lot of pretending, acting,etc around her to keep a relationship going. In that sense it isn't a healthy relationship. Because in a healthy relationship you and your partner must feel like one when around together communicating, doing activities together and doing things in common which both nurtures, progresses your relationship while making it more mature. It shouldn't feel so energy draining. If there are problems, try speaking with your girlfriend because open communication is a necessity in a relationship and the intentions of two parties must be very clear.
July 8th, 2015 9:11pm
You may be nervous, because you have to want to please or make her happy. You may be to concerned about her being upset. This may depend on how long you have had this feeling. Situation may be different.
July 8th, 2015 11:36pm
If you suffer with anxiety or insecurities, they can follow you in a relationship, even with someone you are comfortable with. I would advise you to read our Anxiety guide. Also If your comfortable enough, talk to your girlfriend I'm sure they'll understand.
July 9th, 2015 3:08am
You are nervous around your girlfriend because you are scared and anxious that you will make the weong move, or turn her off/disappoint her. Its a typical feeling, no worries!
July 9th, 2015 6:00am
Well if you're new to dating or even if you just met her recently it can always be awkward at first. Just give it time.
July 9th, 2015 11:32am
Because you probably want to be the best for her. You are also both focused on each other when you're together so you feel anxious about every move you make.
July 9th, 2015 12:53pm
Are you comfortable around her? Maybe you don't know as you thought you do? Insecurity? all these can cause you to be insecure. If it is a new relationship it is kind of natural, you'll get over it
July 10th, 2015 2:03am
i'm not. i am proud around my girlfriend. she makes me the feel worthy and gives me something to look forward to everyday/night.
July 10th, 2015 6:41am
The five steps to overcoming panic attacks are: Acknowledge & Accept Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Actions (to make myself more comfortable) Repeat End Let's take a look at what each step entails. Acknowledge & Accept All progress starts here. This is the most important single step to overcoming panic attacks. Acknowledge Here I acknowledge the present reality, that I'm afraid and starting to panic. I won't try to ignore it, or pretend it's not there. I won't struggle to distract myself, tell myself to "stop thinking about it!", or snap any rubber bands on my wrist. I'm acknowledging simply that I am afraid, not that I am in danger. The thought that I am in danger is just another symptom of panic, not an important or useful thought. Accept Here I accept the fact that I'm afraid at this moment. I don't fight the feeling; ask God to take it away; blame myself, or anybody else. I accept, as best I can, that I'm afraid in the same way I would accept a headache. I don't like headaches, but I don't bang my head against the wall in an effort to get rid of them, because that makes them worse. Overcoming panic attacks begins with working with, not against, my panic and anxiety symptoms. How Can I Accept a Panic Attack? What makes a panic attack acceptable (not desirable, but acceptable) is that, while it feels awful and fills me with dread, it isn't dangerous. It won't kill me or make me crazy. Someone pointing a gun at me, that's not acceptable. I might get hurt or killed. If someone points a gun at me, I have to do whatever I can to change that: run, hide, fight, yell, bribe, or beg, because the consequence of being shot is so terrible that I must try to avoid it. On the other hand - a policeman giving me a ticket, even if I don't deserve it, I can live with that, and can hopefully keep my temper in check so I don't make things worse for myself. Accepting the symptoms, not resisting, is a powerful step to overcoming panic attacks. What Can a Panic Attack Do to Me? It makes me feel afraid, that's what a panic attack does. And, if I'm having a panic attack, I'm already there! I'm already experiencing the worst that will happen. I just need to ride it out. That's the surest path to overcoming panic attacks. Why should I accept a panic attack? Because the more I resist panic, the worse it gets. The more I develop the habit of acceptance, the more progress I make toward my goal of overcoming panic attacks. That's Acknowledge & Accept. How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Wait What I mean by "Wait" is this: don't just do something, stand there. It's similar to the suggestion "count to ten before you get mad". One of the hallmarks of a panic attack is that it temporarily robs you of your ability to think, remember, and concentrate. This step will buy you a little time to regain those abilities before you take any action. When you react before you have a chance to think straight, what do you do? If you're like most people, you probably flee, or struggle. You do things that actually make it worse. This is what people mean when they say things like "I know I'm doing it to myself" and the harder I try, the worse it gets. Jumping into action too quickly is a big obstacle to overcoming panic attacks. So, even though you have a powerful urge to leave, postpone that decision for a little bit. Don't tell yourself you CAN'T leave - keep that option open so you don't feel trapped - but put off the decision about whether or not to leave. Stay in the situation. You don't need to run away to get relief. Let relief come to you. Watch Use the occasion to observe how the panic works, and how you respond to it. The best way to do this is to fill out a panic diary. The diary is a questionnaire which helps you notice important aspects of a panic attack, so you can respond more effectively over time. Feel free to download and reproduce it for your own personal use. You can also download a set of instructions. My patients often report that just filling out a diary helps them to calm down. How does this work? It's not that they're distracted from the subject of panic, because the diary questions are all about panic. It helps you get a little distance from your emotions. It works because, while you complete a diary, you're in the role of an observer, rather than feeling like a victim. The best way to use the diary is to fill it out during the attack, rather than after. If you're in a situation where writing is impractical, perhaps while driving a car, you can: use a digital recorder; have your support person read the questions to you and record your answers; or pull over for a few minutes to write. What About "Work"? If you're in a relatively passive situation during the panic attack - a passenger in a vehicle, getting your hair cut, or waiting in a waiting room - "Wait & Watch" is all you need. If you're in a more active role - driving a car or giving a presentation - then you also need to attend to the "Work" of conducting that activity. Do "Wait & Watch", but also remain engaged in your task. That's "Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work)". How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Actions (to make myself more comfortable) At this point, you've already gone through the two most important steps to overcoming panic attacks. These steps, and all the steps necessary to overcome panic disorder and phobia, are covered in much more detail in my Panic Attacks Workbook. What's Your Job During an Attack? It's not your job to bring the panic attack to an end; that will happen no matter what you do. Your job now is to see if you can make yourself a little more comfortable, while you wait for the attack to end. Here are a few techniques that my patients have found particularly useful in overcoming panic attacks. Belly Breathing Regardless of what else you do, do belly breathing. It's also known as diaphragmatic breathing, but I think "belly breathing" is more descriptive. Many people think they know how to do deep breathing, but don't do it correctly, so they don't get good results. A good belly breathing technique is a very powerful tool in the work of overcoming panic attacks! How to Talk to Yourself Talk to yourself (silently!) about what is happening, and what you need to do. One question my patients find very helpful is this: is it Danger or Discomfort?. Some of the other responses my patients like include the following: 1. Fine, let's have an attack! It's a good chance to practice my coping techniques. 2. Answer your "what if...?" fears by saying "So what? I'll get afraid, then calm down again." 3. It's okay to be afraid. Get Involved in the Present People don't panic in the present. People panic when they imagine something bad happening to them in the future or in the past. This is why your panic attacks are almost always accompanied by some "what if...?" thought. If a dog just bit my leg, I don't say "what if a dogbite?". The reason you say "what if...?" is because what you fear is not actually happening! Get back into the activity you were engaged in prior to the attack, and become involved with the people and objects around you. If you're in a store, resume shopping, reading labels, comparing prices, asking questions, etc. It will move you closer to your goal of overcoming panic attacks when you bring your focus and energy back to the present environment. By this I mean, work with what is around you. Work with Your Body Identify, and relax, the parts of your body that get most tense during a panic attack. This typically involves first tensing, and then relaxing, the muscles of your jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs. Do not allow yourself to stand rigid, muscles tensed, and holding your breath. That just makes you feel worse! If you feel like you "can't move a muscle", start with just one finger! That's "Actions (to make myself more comfortable)". How does that compare with what you usually do during a panic attack? Repeat This step is here because you might start feeling better, then feel another wave of panic. Your first reaction might then be to think "Oh No, it didn't work!". The Repeat step is here to remind you that it's OK if that happens. Just take it from the top again. It's not unusual or dangerous. You may go through several cycles, and you just need to repeat the AWARE steps again, as often as you need. How does that compare with what you usually do? End This is here to remind you that your panic attack will end; that all panic attacks end; that they end regardless of how you respond; that it's not your job to make the attack end; and that your only job is to make yourself as comfortable as possible while waiting for the attack to end. Have these statements been true for you? Don't take my word for it. Review your own history of panic attacks and see. And maybe the next time you panic, when you notice yourself thinking, once again, "Will this ever end?", you'll find yourself answering, "YES!"