How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?
269 Answers
Last Updated: 05/12/2022 at 2:46pm
Moderated by
Jill Kapil, PsyD
Psychologist
I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.
Top Rated Answers
Your heart hurts because you're scared about them breaking up with you. If its your first relationship in a while, you'll be used to it when you freak out over things. If its a loved one that you care about so much and they get into a freak accident, you might have a panic attack and will lose sleep by staying up all night, thinking about them, or staying all day in one place waiting from them to come through the door.
time will heal, for the moment it feels hard to stop thinking but it can't last forever, nothing lasts forever and so is pain. it hurts because it is about pain because it is sad, a breakup can't be a happy thing so it is normal to feel hurt, don't run away from pain, the more you learn to accept it the faster it will go away. Sorry you had to experience that, Be strong ;)
It not easy to get over a break up. I have been through two divorces myself. What helped me was to find out what I wanted to do with my life, a direction so to speak. Once I found something that I was interested in I filled me time with that. By doing something I really liked it filled my time and mind with other things. I didn't have time to think about him.
Feelings do not fade away quickly, it seems like you had very deep feelings for him/her, it will take time, but you will get there
I think that in time, pain lessens but in order to get to the other side of it you have to go through it. Unfortunately, there is no easy way around grief. We just have to feel it. Eventually, the clouds will lift and you will find yourself smiling again and ready to go on without him. We are all brought together for lessons that we must learn to grow and sometimes those lessons hurt. Time will heal.
Oftentimes friends and family members will say just let him/her go but the mind and heart has difficulty doing this. So what to do? Acknowledge the pain, and recognize that it will take time to heal. In the meantime, do things you love to do, try something new like joining a running club, be creative at least once a day and it could be as simple as doodling, and finally be kind to yourself and manage negative self-talk.
I can feel you. It is natural to feel so. When you love someone and due to some reasons you get separated. You actually feel the pain and you think about all Ifs & Buts. But, you need to accept the fact that things are over and you need to move on in your life. It may take time but with the time, things will be alright. Till the time try to keep your mind distracted through various ways.
Anonymous
October 15th, 2017 11:35am
Avoiding bad feelings will make things worse. Be patient with yourself and let yourself feel the pain. Whenever you're down try to give yourself some comfort by doing something you love. Write down your feelings, either as a diary or a poem. It helps with releasing tension. Listen to your favorite music. Read something you love. Try to make life enjoyable by keeping active, even if you're sad.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2017 2:58am
You love him/her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This person must mean alot for you to feel like you are hurting but easier to say but it will take time you need to take your time to learn how to deal without this person just like you did before they came into your life
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 5:00pm
Your heart hurts because you remember the memories you made together. In order to forget him or her, you must lose yourself in a distracting activity, With something to occupy yourself, time will fly by. You will slowly get used to living without them. And when you realize it, you;ve moved on and is now ready for a fresh start.
think about other things such your friends and family and try not to talk to him/her or chat. And delete all the photos you have of him/her.
In my experience, it's hard to make yourself stop thinking about anything, but you can try to put your attention on something else. Focus on reinvigorating a friendship, learning something new, or practicing a hobby. And don't feel bad if you find your attention wanders! That's natural, but try to refocus yourself as soon as you can.
I will assume here he/she is your ex. Because you still feel deeply connected to him/her and maybe you still love and miss him/her.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2018 2:37am
Whenever you catch yourself thinking of them try to stop it I know it’s hard but try to focus on something else. Make sure you let yourself cry but eventually you need to get up and get out. Spend time with friends to distract yourself. It’ll take time but you will get there!!
Anonymous
January 13th, 2018 1:02am
Its not easy to do and its normal to think of that person... Try to occupy your mind and time with other things like a hobby or spending time with family and friends....
Focus on yourself, you will not ever completely forget about someone who has had an impact on your live, when you pour your heart and your soul into developing that relationship with another person the hardest thing can be to move away and subsequently to move on. Why not involve yourself into things that make you smile? I challenged myself to learn as many skills as i possibly could, for example. Dedicating yourself into something is good as well since it can take your mind off dwelling on the fact that they are no longer apart of your life, but will help start the beginning of a life without them, that is just as fun and as happy. imagine your past not as a sadness or a loss of what was, but imagine it as lessons to help assist you in the next chapter of your life.
Sometimes it's not easy to forget him/her. Based in my personal experience, what you should do is:
-Avoid going to places where you used to go with him/her.
-Try not to be alone. Meet your friends!
-Distract yourself with activities that you enjoy.
Anonymous
January 31st, 2018 2:19am
Focus on yourself my dear don't be so hard on yourself, remember you have family who also loves you and a friends who also comfort you
Take a 90-second time out. To free your mind, you first have to break your thought pattern. Neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel says, “After 90 seconds an emotion will arise and fall like a wave on the shore.†It only takes 90 seconds to shift out of a mood state, including anger. Give yourself 90 seconds—about 15 deep in and out breaths—to not think about that person or situation. You’ve broken that thought cycle—and the hold your thoughts had on you.
Do something to distract yourself. Stay busy with work or going out with friends, doing a Hobby... Your heart may hurt because they hurt you a lot. So as I said the best thing against the constant thinking is keeping yourself busy.
I know exacly how you feel I was in a similar situation before after my breakup. What I did to stop thinking about them was comeplety get them out of you life try to delete all contact with them and then try to do something that makes you happy to get your mind off them
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 2:15pm
Oh i get it, it happens so frequent and nothing feels right ?, Well, Engage yourself in some social activities, go out and don't spend alone time with yourself, spend time with people whom you have not met in a while or your friends, or make some new friends
do things that you enjoy and do not remind you of him/her. Take some time everyday to relax and treat yourself even if that is listening to a throwback playlist, thinking about what you are thankful for, pampering yourself -washing yourself and keeping your hygiene up will boost your mood- you could get active and take up a new sport or even writing your feelings and thoughts on to paper and then shredding your bad feelings and thoughts.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 5:47am
The only way to cure a broken heart is time. Time is essential in that ecuation and only time can heal those wounds. Letting go is not easy but in time you will realise that in didn't work out for a reason and your mind will be at ease.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2018 8:20pm
Find things to do, places to visit. You should always try to see a doctor for any heart issues.
Judging by my own personal experiences I know it can be hard to forget a loved one but you have to start asking yourself how much of what you think about this person is true and how much of it you just wish it was true because of how you feel; is okay to allowed yourself to love but you must always love yourself first and understand that if that person is not part of your life anymore is because you deserve better. Allow yourself to be loved.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2018 12:32am
I have dealt with this same problem. It is hard to get your mind off of someone, but my recommendations are that you should try to distract yourself from that person. If it is a person you used to love, you can find a fictional character you really like and distract yourself with that character. It takes time to get over a person, but distraction helps a lot.
Give you some time to accept your separation... It hurt because you need time to accept this ending, for a new beginning
Breakups hurt very bad. Everyone goes through one. I know it can be very hard to "get over" the person. Taking time and doing hobbies, or your favorite things for yourself helps.
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