How can you tell that you have really moved on?
Last Updated: 12/20/2020 at 4:42pm
Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
I believe that you can tell that you really moved on from something when you start to feel yourself healing. When a new door opens, and something or someone starts to get your broke heart beating. That's when you know you're healing and moving on. If you arent feeling this yet, just know that it takes time, and the healing doesn't happen overnight, but you will know that it has happened when your happiness is starting to restore itself.
For me, I felt moved on when a metaphorical dark, gray cloud moved from over my head. It took a lot of time, but one day, I just felt free. I was not being held back with hurt, sadness, or desire to be with my ex. I felt I had a clearer head to reflect back on our relationship and what went wrong. I wasn't reminded of my ex 100 times a day by random things. It also felt a lot less scary to start dating other people and I was excited about the possibility of a new connection!
Most of the time its a feeling of weight lifted off of your shoulders. You may not think about it hardly if not at all. Your mind is not clouded by thought of that which has been a problem or a burden. You feel good inside about a decision made, you don't doubt yourself as you would have if the problem or situation still exist. You may be able to talk about what you could not before, and you may be able to help others along the way because of your experience. There is no guilt no burden, just peace of mind. You are now ready to let go and move on.
When you can think about it and your heart doesn't hurt and you stomach doesn't sink. When the thought of being with someone new doesn't make you feel guilty or dirty. When you can imagine your future, and feel positive about it, without including them in it. When you can think about making plans for your weekend and you don't wish you could invite them. When you think about falling asleep at night, alone, and it doesn't feel scary or lonely. When you can sit in a place they would've sat with you, and do something you would do together, and feel peaceful.
In my experience, i can tell if i have really moved on when: I'm able to think about something without letting the memories of that specific thing bother me. This can only be achieved if you have made peace with the past, hence i think this is the best description of how you could tell you have really moved on. Everyone goes about their business differently, so to this question will not be one definitive answer, that's why i base this answer off of my own experience. Moving on isn't the easiest thing to do, especially if you have a lot of history with said thing or person. Talking about it helps you move on.
You can tell that you have really moved on if you don't think of that person anymore, you are happy with where you're at in life, and you are getting out in the world, seeking new adventures and people!
I feel that you can tell that you have really moved on when you realize that there were gifts in the situation that took place in your past and it has made you a better person. Sure, we all have regrets and there are situations that we wish we could go back in time in and change, but I believe that everything in life ebbs and flows and we must learn to embrace who we are and how far we have come. If it's a person that we were trying to move on from, it's when you wish the best for them and understand that what happened was for the best.
"Moving on" is very much a state of mind and a reflection of the emotional recovery that have made / are making. Ultimately, it comes down to the investment you made in your, the emotional and physical affect of the separation, as well as the investment that you have made in processing. This is a question to which everyone will answer differently but most of the answers will be ostensibly saying the same thing: when you do not experience anxiety when you think about or see your ex. Assuming that this is a "normal" relationship without children, domestic issues, or any additional issues that would otherwise complicate the separation, it is something that you will know and feel when it happens. If you approach the separation logically; suss out what you can to understand the reasons behind the separation, particularly after talking to your ex; and taken the time process, it will become clear. There is never a one-size fits all answer to questions like this, but if you can function normally without irrational, illogical or illogically protracted, and/or moot thoughts, that is a good start. It also underscores the point that the onus is on you to put in the work to heal and "move on"; if you play an active role in reclaiming your identity without your ex / getting over the separation, you will be on your way to better understanding the break up, yourself / what you want, and when you have "moved on".
I think you can tell when you can talk about and see that person without feeling something or missing them. I also think that you know you've moved on when you aren't thinking about them constantly and you can complete a sentence without talking about them or mentioning something they did depend on the situation. It's hard to move on but you'll realize that you've completely moved on when you notice that when you normally think or talk about the person, you didn't this time. For example: If you lay in bed and think about this person every night, yet you broke up or separated and you didn't think about them night and it continues. That's a good sign.
you will know if you have really moved on when you can be happy with all those crazy moments and ridiculous things you did together. you have moved on if you can be genuinely happy for his or her new relationship and don't feel the slightest pinch on your heart. you have moved on when you are able to do a lot of things without thinking of how it would have been if you're still together. you have moved on if you know deep in your heart you still love him or her yet you choose to set him or her free.
you know that you’ve moved on from a relationship when they aren’t in your thoughts as much anymore. yes, you will think of them from time to time, because you made memories together and spent time in each other’s company, but you won’t long for them anymore. if we are talking about relationships, you may start to look to have more relationships, whether that’s sexually or just friendships. you may have relationships whilst you still have feeling for them, but in your heart you truly know when you have and haven’t moved on. you know you have moved on if you look at a picture of you together and not feel as if you miss them and want them back.
It is difficult to know when you have really moved on - it could be from a break up, a redundancy at work... I learnt a few things from a NLP module. I close my eyes and imagine the situation as if it were happening to me now... see what I saw, hear what I heard, feel what I felt as if it were happening to me right now. At some point, these images/voices/feelings start to fade away. They grow smaller, fainter, seem farther... and you don't feel like that incident happened to you. It is more like you are an observer watching it from the outside. Then I would say I have moved on...
Moving on isn't forgetting someone. It's forgiving them. It's forgiving yourself. When you don't hate or love them anymore. When you don't imagine conversations in your head about bumping in to them or trying to contact them or asking about them via friends or Facebook. Being moved on is a subconscious feeling of calm. One might doubt being moved on or feel guilty about it. But once completely moved on, you won't doubt or be guilty, but get peace from your own thoughts about them and situations involving them. You can still remember the good or bad times with them but after moving on you'll not try to get back with them or think how you could have been together.
"Moving on" is a process. It's not that one day you'll never think of it or remember it ever again. But it gets easier with time and distance. It happens less often. You find it easier to stop thinking about it and go on with your day. The bad feelings don't last as long. And some days it will still be as raw as the first time it hurt. Some days you won't be able to believe it can still hurt this bad. But these days will be less frequent, and you will have new things to distract you and make you feel good. There isn't any time you can say "right now at this moment, I've moved on". But you will be able to look back afterwards and say "I'm doing better than I was back then".
I think it's when your emotions are no longer affected by that person and you can talk about him/her normally. You don't feel like texting that person anymore and stopped feeling sad about him/her anymore. You stopped thinking about the past memories that you had with each other and began to realize that he/she might not be as perfect as you thought, and perhaps you could actually reflect on your relationship and learn something from it. I think it is not that you completely forget about that person, but still remember the moments that you have with each other and knowing that he/she has been in part of your life and made you happy.
It depends on the situation. If you have lost a person due to them passing away. I know I have moved on when I already accepted what is my new normal and my new reality and realize that said person would never want me to feel sadness and grief to such an extended period of time but that does not mean I would forget them in any sort of way. When it comes to losing someone because of a break up, I've known I have moved on when I have accepted that everything is just a memory now and it's something I can learn from and remember once in a while and feel like I once again can feel that I loved my self more.
Moving on from someone, or a situation that has happened takes time. First you need to look at the steps and see if you have done them. The steps are, understanding how the situation happened, why it happened and the last step is to accept what has happened. When you have followed those steps, comes the real moving on process, where you start to feel okay with what happened. Only when you feel okay with a situation, or a person then you have truly moved on. You will not feel the same heartache anymore, nor feel any negative emotions, but rather be somewhat happy and okay with the past because it has shaped you into the version that you are today.
When you don't think about that specific person anymore or not constantly, when you are hanging out with your mutual friends and it doesn't feel awkward. You've reflected on the relationship and understand it is over now, you are willing to accept that and continue on. Also that you are most positive then you were during the breakup period, most importantly, you aren't planning to get back together with your ex. You're not checking their latest posts on instagram, checking their facebook status, or secretly following them on twitter. Overall, when you are the person you are without him or her, when deep down you feel you have inner peace with yourself.
Moved on means you are able to show forgiveness to both yourself and the other party. When you think about the past, it does not hurt and you are able to accept the reality without questioning it / finding fault in it. Moving on also means you see the positive / happy moments of that relationship and / or the person instead of focusing on the negatives. The lesson you learned is used to build you to be a stronger person and not make you feel weaker or more vulnerable. Essentially, moving on is the acceptance of reality.
When your heart is not in excruciating pain when the person's name is mentioned. If I say do you still think about him/her, and you automatically think about the one person, then chances are you haven't moved on yet. You know that you can really moved on from someone when you are okay with them being with someone else and you don't have anger in your heart. You know you are over them when you don't constantly check their social media accounts, see what they're up to. You know you have moved on when you see them across the street and the first thought you have isn't that you want to be with that person again .
You know because the relief and joy comes with letting go. There is space for other things you are passionate about and you are feeling motivated to make time For them. You will notice less and less anxiety sadness and fear around the subject/person you have stopped obsessing over. You might even eat healthier or feel lighter as if a weight has been lifted. You may be more in touch with yourself and able to notice things your body has been trying to ask you for. Try taking a bath and reading a good book. If you can enjoy this then you are probably moving on or have moved on.
Focus on the future, where do you see yourself and believe in it. Today is temporary. Planning ahead for the future is a great way to reach your goals. Surround yourself with people who you would like to be associated with. If you want to be happy, find a happy group! If you want to be smart, spend time with intellectual people. We won’t be living forever, we must focus on what makes us happy by setting things straight. Spending time alone with a pen and paper and writing down things you want to change or achieve was my solution to help me move on in life towards my goals.
I think you can tell you've moved on when that person or thing isn't always in the back of your head anymore. You can appreciate the moments you had with that person or thing rather than wanting to relive them or still be with that person/thing/experience. I'd also say that you can tell you've moved on when your memory of that person doesn't trigger a heavy emotional response like it used to. For example, perhaps you used to feel a gut-wrenching sadness when you thought about your ex-boyfriend, and now you just feel like they are a distant being with no severe emotional attachment to you anymore. This is just my personal opinion based on my own experiences, though.
Now that is pretty complex as the concept of moving on is different to different people. In my opinion, You can say that you've moved on when the prospect of the other person with someone else is not haunting anymore. Or when you can talk to them without feeling awkward. Or when you find yourself feeling interested in other people. Or when you can cherish all the good memories you had with that person and ignore all the bad memories. Moving on can take sometimes take mere moments and sometimes it can take many long years. And as I have said earlier the prospect of moving on is different to different people. My idea of moving on might not match with a lot of people but it does not mean that it is.
You can tell you have really moved on when the smile you'd do anything for, the hair you moved your hands across, the warmth of their hands and the eyes that were the most beautiful things to you dont matter anymore. When you dont care about them paying back. When you are so busy building your new self that their thought seems least important. You have really moved on when you accept whatever happened, happened for the best. When you realise you need to let go because the idea of holding on is painful and not worth anything. When you stand up for yourself and promise the present you, a beautiful future.
You can tell that you have really moved on when you wish nothing but the best for the other person. Knowing your own worth is so important when embarking on this journey of moving on! When you look at self-improvement and begin to focus on yourself and no-one else, the qualities that were hidden will start to shine through as you grow and mature further in this journey. There will come a time, in which you will feel complete and wish only happiness from him/her. That's a great start to telling if you have really moved on. No-one is in this journey alone, so always feel free to talk to others and support one another.
Truly moving on from a person or an experience is difficult to measure but a good way to tell is if the person or experience no longer plays on your mind constantly and no longer affects your daily life. Another way to tell if you have moved on is if you see that person again and you no longer have any strong feelings for them anymore or it doesn't make you leave a place where they are. If it is an experience you are trying to move on from, then there might be triggers that remind you of the experience and when those triggers arise and the memory of the experience doesn't have any unpleasant physical or mental effects, then you have probably really moved on.
I think you can tell when you have really moved on is when you are just focused on yourself. Focused on keeping yourself happy (self care is so important), on what your needs are, and who you want to be more than the past. You can still remember it and feel things that happened in the past but that does not mean you have not moved on. Remember that you are strong and can get through anything. If It relates to people, sometimes you can tell you have moved on if you want good for them but just not around you. For example, you want them "to eat" but just not at the same "table" as you.
You start hanging out with your mutual friends. You miss being in a relationship but obviously not with the ex-bf/ex-gf. You get to feel inner peace and comfort, able to clear your mind. You become more positive and upbeat because the emotional wounds from the previous relationship have been healed. You no longer stalk them anywhere on social media. You will never mention that person as a topic for discussion. Finally, you will take responsibility for your part after a long reflection and don't focus on the ex's issues. Friends and family will notice that you are back to your old self.
I believe that you have moved on when you have accepted what has happened. It is immature to believe that you will forget about something completely or that the fear it brought will disappear. Perhaps it is better phrased as not the first thing that comes to mind. Or even if it is, hopefully, you are able to say that you have grown as a person because of this experience. That you were the bigger person and have become stronger because of it. While looking back on negative events will always be hard on the heart, as long as it no longer has control over you, I think you can say you have successfully moved on. Or at least made progress in the right direction.
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