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Should I go back to him/her?

206 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2022 at 11:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
August 3rd, 2018 6:06am
if you cant live wothout him/her and they also feels the same way if it is good for then go back unlesss learn to accept the reality that they are not a part of your life anymore so explore os that person was roght is going back to them will be good or bad !
August 11th, 2018 11:21am
Yes and no! Ask yourself, do you really want it? Think about what happened and what can happen if you go back. If you think s/he is worth it, then give it another chance. If you think it'll not make you or them happy in the long run, then control yourself. It is difficult, but not impossible.
August 11th, 2018 6:13pm
Going back to someone is all up to your gut feeling or personal choice. If they have terrible hurt you or treated you unworthy, then find someone who will treat you for who you are. But maybe if it was only a small slip up or you are very much missing him/her then give your love another shot. Never hurts to try.
October 3rd, 2018 11:49pm
If they truly made you happy, then yes. But if they hurt you emotionally or physically and that is why you left them, NO. Please save yourself the pain of going back. I promise it will be better that way. But, everything happens for a reason. There is a reason you saw this post. There is a reason you left them. If you believe that things will be better if you are with them then go back! It truly depends on your situation. You deserve the best kind of love out there. And if they didn't give you that to begin with, they don't deserve you!
October 10th, 2018 2:31am
Firstly, think to yourself why you broke up with them in the first place. Ask yourself these 5 questions and then make your decision if you should get back with them or not! 1. Were you happy? 2.Can you see a future with them? 3. Did you smile and laugh everyday when you were with them? 4. Did they make you feel confident? 5. Did you feel safe with them? If you answered no to any of these questions, then you really need to think carefully about what you want and who you think you need in your life. We all need positivity and happiness and you're too precious to let any negativity come into your life by choice!
October 10th, 2018 11:03pm
This is a personal preference. I personally have gone back to ex partners, and sometimes I've ended up regretting it, others I haven't. At the end of the day you need to consider why it ended in the first place, and whether or not it's worth going back to. You need to consider the pros and cons and think about your mental wellbeing, and question if it's worth it. Ask people for advice if you need to. But remember in the end its your decision. It might be worth easing into it, like a fresh start if you do get back together. You don't want to rush into it and pick up where you left off as such. Because it probably wont end well.
October 13th, 2018 9:57pm
It depends entirely on why things ended in the first place. If your relationship was toxic, NO! If you were abused mentally or physically, if he made you feel negative about yourself, controlled you, showed other negative traits or if you were unhappy in your relationship and with him you should not. However, if he does make you happy and treats you well, and if you still care for him/her and they do you, I don’t see why you shouldn’t. The opinions of family and friends shouldn’t matter as much as your happiness and well being. Your safety with him/her, happiness and what was right and wrong with your relationship previously should determine whether you should go back to him/her or not.
November 11th, 2018 1:25pm
Chances are the answer to this question is always no. Relationships, when they fail, fail for a reason and so as long as whatever the factor was that caused them to fail is still around, for example, does he still see women as inferior or does she still have hormonal problems that need to be sorted through, the chances of that same relationship succeeding are very slim. For someone who is set on returning to a past love, just keep in mind why you broke up in the first place and really try to beef up the level of communication, just to give yourself the best fighting shot.
December 13th, 2018 8:32pm
From personal experience, going back to a partner is never the same. There is a reason that things didn’t work out, and ultimately you need to focus on your own mental health and well-being within all of this too. If the relationship made you unhappy, then remember to tell yourself that you are deserving of so much more than that. There are so many people out there that will appreciate you and who you are once they get to know you. Just remind yourself to give it time, especially if the breakup has been recent, and take the time to focus on yourself for a little while.
January 3rd, 2019 1:27pm
This answer lies within your wants, and needs as a human being. You would have to ask yourself if you want to go back with him/her. I understand how it feels to be put on that spot where you are faced with a incredible decision regarding your relationship with someone. You also have to ask yourself what made you drift away from him/her. If you feel that you could go back to them, and fix things with them, and have a good relationship with them, I would encourage you to go back to him/her. If you need someone to talk to, myself and the other great listeners with be greatful to have you. Have a wonderful day.
January 13th, 2019 2:49pm
Hmmm, It depends entirely on your own personal experience, however if you broke up with them for a reason back then, then it’s most likely that if you go back to them the reason will cole up again and your time and patience that was used in trying to restore the relationship will all be for nothing. Finding someone you are comparable with might take time but you are worth it and are deserving of respect, dignity and kindness and if someone didn’t show you that in the past the chances are they won’t show you it this time, either.
January 27th, 2019 7:27pm
I always see it as you break up with someone for a reason whatever the reason is. it is never truly worth going back. I tried it once and the spark was no longer there I just felt awkward but everyone is their own person and it is all on personal preference but everything happens for a reason and you clearly broke up for a certain reason. I'd just ask yourself is this person really worth it? if they are give it a shot but don't hurt or emotionally drain yourself in the process because it isn't worth it to lose yourself in the process
February 22nd, 2019 7:14am
Usually when I am pondering that question I stop and think of the reasons why I left. Is it worth going back to? Does this person help you be successful and support you? Try writing a list of pros and cons so you can have all your reasons of leaving and staying right in front of you. This helps me decide what is the correct path to take. In the end it is your decision and no one knows your situation better than you do. Good luck with whatever you choose. and have a nice ay. I'm here if you need to talk.
March 9th, 2019 12:08am
This depends on the relationship itself. You have to ask yourself some questions. Was it healthy for you? Did you guys have a good time together? How often did you argue? Were they ever physically or mentally abusive to you? Did they look through your phone and control where you went and what you did? Did your friends and family have concerns about your relationship? Are they kind to people like waitresses? Are they respectful to people in general? Do they respect your boundaries and personal space? You have to answer these questions for yourself and find whether this person is good for you or bad for you based on the answers. If you can answer all these questions effectively and they are not a toxic influence on you then by all means give them another chance. If you answered in a way that they're obviously a toxic influence then never go back.
April 15th, 2019 3:14pm
I think going back to someone really depends on your own experience and what you feel is best for you. There are times where I knew it would be harmful to go back to someone, and there have also been times where I knew the situation was a little more complicated and felt it would be good for both of us to try again. In these situations, it helps me to reflect on my values and what I look for in a relationship. This is only a start, but sometimes it helps me to make a pros and cons list.
May 16th, 2019 1:43pm
Sometimes, when we leave a partner, it's hard to imagine a life without them. We as people get so accustomed to our routines (talking to someone daily, affection), especially ones that bring some kind of fulfillment. Unfortunately, sometimes not all of these shared moments are healthy for us, let alone edifying to our beings and spirit. In the common case of "should I go back to him/her" I would suggest that you write pros and cons list. Be real with yourself. How does this person aide to your personal goals? What do you like about this person? What do you dislike? How do they make you feel daily? Do I think you should go back to him/her? My answer is only if they bring more to your life than they take from it, if they love you like the way you have dreamed of being love, and if they are considerate of your feelings. It can be rough leaving someone and going into the unknown, but what might be worse is staying in a cycle that never changes. There is always something in the horizon, you just have to take the steps towards it.
June 1st, 2019 8:42am
Answering this question is sometimes simple, but also sometimes it is not so simple for others. It depends on the situation since every situation is different and unique. One must assess the situation and consider the many different variables before providing a proper answer or conclusion. It is highly recommended to seek a professionally trained counselor for guidance which ensure this situation can be navigated with the best quality and care needed. The support of an experienced professional is the greatest tool one can utilize for navigating difficulties in life. If concerning or confusing thoughts enter your mind that you are unsure about. It is best to seek support whenever possible.
June 7th, 2019 2:28am
This question is vague. We don't know anything about the person, in which case we cannot properly answer. However, I'd you two split apart, there must have been a good reason. Two people don't go separate ways because they're working out. They go separate ways because there is an issue. Unless split apart by outside forces, I'd suggest saving yourself. the heart break and not getting back with him/her. friend or relationship wise. It's never wise to hurt yourself Emotionally over someone. Good luck to you, and stay safe, Emotionally and physically. You are loved by many others. blessed.
August 16th, 2019 1:54pm
It could depend a lot from situation to situation. We don't have much information about why you should/shouldn't go back. You have to decide yourself. Write down and make a list both about the reason you should and shouldn't, and it will probably be easier to evaluate what option fits you better!
August 22nd, 2019 1:38am
There are very few reasons you should go back to him/her. One of which is if it was simply bad timing on both ends but both have feeling for each other. But there is almost always a really good reason you left them. Before reentering a relationship, ask yourself why you left them in the first place, reevaluate their pros and cons. Even if your ex says they miss you and still love you, think hard on your previous relationship. And if they broke up with you, put into consideration why they left you and if they still might consider that reason again.
October 25th, 2019 6:56am
Taking away all the other factors such as whether your partner still feels the same way, it really depends on you. If you’re going back to your partner for companion or to fill a void he or she left, I think you may want to reconsider! Think of why you guys separated in the first place and think about whether this issue can potentially arise again in the future. You wouldn’t want to leave him or her again and again in the future! I feel that these are the few things to consider before going back to someone - whether the reason for leaving could be worked out and whether you still share the same feelings for him or her. All the best!
October 25th, 2019 7:09pm
The answer to this question is dependent on so many factors. However, the most important thing is this: Does this person make you happy? If your answer isn't immediately yes, then you should probably look for someone else. Over the years, I have learned that a lot of people are scared to be alone. While it seems frightening to not have someone whom you can rely on 24/7 , it is also important to remember that you should not be dependent on someone else to feel fulfilled and happy. It is important to develop your own sense of worth and confidence and then you should find someone who loves you for who you are.
October 27th, 2019 4:23pm
About comeback to Ex's, that's something that I wouldn't personally do with some of then, case each case is a case on the subject that refers to "why we broke up". In a general way I'v really learn how to appreciate the idea that I should not be looking for people in my past because that way I don't see new people with I could have a better chance on having a good relationship. In cases of cheating is what I was referring that I would be impossible for me to comeback with the person... But in cases on something such as maturity and these kind of traces that can change with the experience. I think a second chance may be worth it.
October 27th, 2019 5:28pm
It actually depends on what happened that you both drift off from each other. If it was a small argument like for nothing serious and he/ she is regretting it, you might give it a second chance. But if it a major one like you've been abused and other related things like that, I would say don't, even tho he/ she is regretting it because you won't be able to guarantee that you won't go through that again. Some might even say that you love him/her but you should make yourself a priority, like loving yourself should matter the first.
November 23rd, 2019 10:22am
Lets be very honest here. You left them for some very good reasons. Be it they were abusive or manipulative or you just down right lost feelings. It could also be they cheated multiple times or were talking to other people. The reason is there and just because there sad or want you back doesn't mean you should just take them back with no doubt. Remember they are an ex for a reason. Why go back to the way things where. You would be going back to the same black and white routine of arguments and unhappiness. The thought of going back with them shouldn't even exist.
December 20th, 2019 10:46am
Going back to him/her is subjective to the situations. Yes if : 1. He/she is genuinely serious about the relationship. 2. Both of you can forgive and progress together in the relationship. 3. He/She changes for the better. 4. There is a possibility for a healthy relationship. 5. He/She believes in accepting your strengths and flaws. 6. Nobody is dominant in the relationship. 7. You feel ready to be back together again. 8. Both parties believe in honoring each others’ commitment in the relationship. 9. Both parties are willing to compromise when dealing with tricky situations. 10. He/she offers stability emotionally, physically and spiritually in the relationship.
January 29th, 2020 12:45pm
It's really up to the individual if you both still care for each other then go for it but if there were serious issues like domestic abuse or verbal abuse or you felt unsafe in the relationship then you should not go back to a place you could get hurt.You love seeing this person's name light up on your phone. You would do anything to see him or her genuinely smile. or stuff like that you probably still love the person and if it a genuine love and then you should at least try if you both feel the same way
February 20th, 2020 10:49pm
Well, to be honest, that depends on the situation. Why are you not with them at the moment? Was it mutual? Was it a fight? Did something happen? I would say, if they were not good to you, it is not worth it. If they really and truly have changed, that really depends on if you are ready to move on a give a second chance. Second chances are so beautiful, and I truly think are worth it... BUT only if you and them are ready to move on; sometimes, history repeats itself, othertimes, you or them may have grown.
March 21st, 2020 3:58am
Should you? I've asked this question so many times to so many people. Should I go back to him? Should I not? Would it be smart to do that? Would it be not? I did that for a while until I really sat by myself and thought about it. A lot of people told me not to. Everyone said that once it's over, it's over. If he could break it off with me just like that, why should I take him back? They tell me that I should move on and that I should forget about him. That even if it hurts, it's something that I have to do. I don't think they're wrong. I say that after a break up, you should move on! But what if they want you back? What do you do then? When I got the chance to think by myself and for myself, I learned what I really wanted. I focused on what I wanted for myself and what I think is best for me instead of what other people wanted for me. Of course making the decision of going back to him/her depends on how the relationship ended in the first place. If it was toxic, I say you shouldn't. But if this was a healthy relationship and that the breakup was inevitable, why not? If you want go back, why shouldn't you? Think for yourself and what you think will benefit you most. Don't ask other people if you should because only you know the full story. Only you know if you should go back or not. What do you really want?
March 26th, 2020 10:34am
Most of the time whenever you break up with someone it means that it was bad enough for you to want out of the relationship. The best thing to do is look back at the situation and see if the good outweighed the bad and vice versa. If the good didn't outweigh the bad or you're unsure, don't go back to a possibly toxic person. The next step would be to focus on you and move forward. Come to love yourself and enjoy being alone for a little bit, learn how to function by yourself. Don't go back to someone you left or someone that didn't see your worth and decided to leave you.