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Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

180 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 4:20pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
March 9th, 2017 2:29pm
Because it is human nature to fight over small things. We tend to fight to get ourself proved right, even if it is pointless. Sometimes it is so small but it might go wrong. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. Fighting over small things isn't wrong or pointless.But if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. We all have small fights and argues with our parents, friends, partner and all but we should just forget them and move forward in life. :)
March 19th, 2017 7:04pm
Small and stupid things are just that. Small and stupid. The conflict is not about them. They are just the outlet. Like a repressed anger, that looks for every opportunity to explode, on anyone, at anytime. The conflict between you keeps accumulating, and you dont compensate with honesty and openness and patience and understanding. Plus, there are some natural conflicts that can only be healed with distance. I mean pure energy conflicts, unsolvable (or at least not easily solvable). When distance, periodic distance, periodic pause, is needed. Like night after a day. Any healthy relationship needs periodic pauses if it is to survive. Its a requirement. But, If theres enough distance between you two, either natural conflicts are too big, or theres a lack of open communication and honesty and trust. All in all, all you can really to is to invest in honesty and open communication, patience, and listening capability. Then, hope for the best.
April 4th, 2017 6:32pm
Biologically as humans we want to be dominant, arguing builds up dominance within groups of friends or family.
April 15th, 2017 9:28am
Because we are humans. This is our nature, That is how our brains are wired. You know what? I don't like it either. I am sick of this fighting over petty and insignificant stuff. But, what can we do? All we can do on a personal level is try and reduce fights in our personal life as much as possible and i hope that one day we would stop fighting .
May 14th, 2017 7:24am
Because those small and stupid things can actually give a great impact on your life. Everything matters.
July 8th, 2017 3:56pm
It's always the little things that bother us more than the big things. So it can cause it to spiral
July 14th, 2017 10:05pm
because they aren't small and stupid things to you. it's okay to fight. sometimes you just need a breather :)
July 16th, 2017 8:42pm
Sometimes if you skip over bigger issues, the little things stand out and are more likely to cause issues. Address any elephants in the room and sort out key issues in the relationship and the fights over small and stupid things will sure dissolve quickly.
July 26th, 2017 10:20am
We've lost sight of the bigger picture for some reason or another. Sometime the stress of life, relationship, work and other distractions, seems to cloud our better judgement. We end up fighting over the little things instead of stepping back, relaxing and realizing there is far more important things we are missing.
July 28th, 2017 4:10pm
I've found that a lot of outside stress and other factors can lead to negative outcomes and fights between partners. It's a really terrible thing to see two people who care greatly for one another be so worn down that they resort to fighting over minuscule things. It's important to keep an open mind with your partner. Try to talk out your feelings, especially those outside stressors. Don't fight and go to bed angry, don't walk away, talk things out with your partner. Good luck to you both!
August 10th, 2017 3:47am
Sometimes, if there's a deeper issue in a relationship, a couple might engage in more fights in order to avoid the real problem. This is done to avoid the more extreme conflict that comes with the underlying problem. Talk about how you're feeling and make sure both of you feel listened to and understood.
September 3rd, 2017 12:39pm
To discuss every issue is important for any relation but as soon as they turn into huge arguments their is either a comprehension problem or one or both of you react in a mean way.
September 3rd, 2017 9:03pm
People generally like to view themselves as being correct in most situations. It's part of our natural behavior. If you find yourself often arguing with someone over seemingly insignificant issues, you should definitely talk it out with them. If you find yourself being the one starting the arguments, you should check your mood and find out why you feel aggressive about the topics. There are many ways of getting help with aggressiveness or constant need to argue and I find talking it out with a close friend or even a professional is the nicest way to go. It doesn't hurt to get help.
October 4th, 2017 10:53am
Expectation can be a tricky thing. You expect someone to do something in a certain way. Someone else expects you to do things in a certain way. When this cycle continues without any means of quality communication, petty quarrels come to exist. Another factor is when past grudges kick in. The key is to focus on proper meaningful conversation about what is truly bothering the both of you.
November 5th, 2017 12:23am
Because you're ignoring each other's emotional needs, so what you're really doing is scream: validate me, I am right, hear me out! Winning at least over a "small and stupid thing" is one way to kinda make yourself heard... except most likely the other won't, because they are running on an empty tank as well emotionally. Look into this.
November 17th, 2017 11:43am
very often because of our EGO that grew too big, very often because we are not able to accept being a loser or accept any slight criticism
November 17th, 2017 2:59pm
often when people fight over small things it's because they don't want to talk about the underlying BIG things. Maybe they don't feel valued, or supported or appreciated? If you see someone focusing on the small stuff, try asking, "what's REALLY bothering me/him/her"?
November 22nd, 2017 10:03pm
Maybe you guys are just going through something. Talk to a therapist about your problems. Talk about it with him, and see what he thinks.
December 8th, 2017 6:37am
Two person only can fight only if both are willing to fight if one of them don't want to fight then fights can be avoided by acting in a mature manner. Based on importance of person in your life if you keep ego away and act in a wise manner then I don't think fights can't be avoided.
December 8th, 2017 10:54pm
Sometimes when you care about someone so much, your intentions are good but you can get so frustrated that they come out wrong and you argue because of it.
December 10th, 2017 3:52am
It could be stress you are both experiencing. Try talking about it with the person you are arguing with and maybe try talking to them about how you're feeling.
December 13th, 2017 9:38am
If you’re talking about being in a relationship then I’d say that couples arguing about little things is common. It happens to a lot of couples and can be seen as normal. HOWEVER, if you’re arguing all the time and feel miserable all the time then it’s worth having a conversation about what’s going on. Maybe theirs things that are both annoying you but you haven’t talked about. Communication is key in relationships.
December 21st, 2017 6:41pm
Because within ourselves, we see different views. You may see something as "small" but for someone else they might see it as a big thing. It's the different perspective we have within ourselves. In an other answer, we may somehow see how it was worth. Not all small things aren't useful. They are useful too, even a glimpse of change can alter one's future. :)
December 22nd, 2017 11:51am
We fight because of some differences we have with another person. These little things are sometimes the things that counts the most. Things aren't always as they same, one thing could be stupid for you but it could mean the world to someone else.
December 28th, 2017 2:56am
That's a good question; it's possible that there is a larger, underlying issue that has yet to be discussed and is showing through in superficial arguments. It is also possible that these are two different personalities clashing.
January 5th, 2018 4:23pm
Maybe personalities clash. You might be really alike so the same things trigger arguments. You need to just try to be the bigger person and approach the situation that causes the argument in another way.
January 18th, 2018 3:58pm
Often, fighting over 'small and stupid' things is an indication that there is a bigger problem. When we are emotionally healthy and are in a good place in our relationship, smaller issues are easy to deal with - we can approach them rationally, their emotional impact on us is minimal, and they don't usually lead to big blow-ups. Though if this is something that is frequently happening, it could be helpful to consider what might be the 'real' issue and focus on dealing with that. Then you won't want to fight over small things.
January 19th, 2018 10:01pm
Sometimes relationships can reduce into a thousand small arguments between each other. It doesn't mean that it's not working or it isn't right, you just need to address the issue together and move forward. From experience, embracing and holding each other can sometimes be enough to calm you both down and then you can look back, laugh, learn, and move forward together.
January 28th, 2018 3:26pm
Sometimes when you get stressed, anxious, worried or tired, you may not always talk about how you feel or what's on your mind. This means that the smallest things can bother you because you're already thinking of the other issues going on and then you end up taking it out on the person closest to you. From personal experience, communication is key in any relationship and friendship and it helps to stop the arguing if you just let the other person know you aren't feeling great today. At the same time, sometimes you might just be incompatible with someone so you may need to take a step back and think why this keeps happening and if you're truly happy.
January 31st, 2018 3:57pm
There are so many reasons why people fight over trivial things. I've found that usually when something else is going negatively in a person's life, they tend to take it out in other ways. They displace their emotions. Sometimes dealing with that particular situation becomes too difficult or frustrating and the way to vent would be to argue over things that don't matter whatsoever. On the other end of the spectrum, maybe there was just some miscommunication taking place. Either way, communication is always key in order to figure out what is wrong (what the problem/issue is) and how best to fix it!