Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

180 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 4:20pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 7th, 2016 7:12pm
Sometimes fights over small and stupid things are just stupid fights for no reason but sometimes they're hiding something bigger. You need to figure out which
Monique89
August 3rd, 2017 11:26pm
We may have triggered some feelings from experiences in the past which can lead to resentment and causing people to argue over little things. Also, everyone has different point of views, and we may not be able to see another's perspective. Another reason could be a lack of respect.
sweetlemon16
June 8th, 2018 9:38pm
Because sometimes things that seem to be small and stupid for others actually mean the world to someone else.
Bookiie
May 22nd, 2019 6:59pm
Sometimes small and stupid things aren't that small and stupid. Those things are things that we go through every day and that's how they affect our well-being. And people often don't realize that they care more about those little things then they thought, and so they can trigger our emotions (emotions are basically just our body's reaction to our surrounding, they are telling us if something is or isn't right). And if it isn't right it will trigger one of the unpleasant emotions (another term, that is quite stigmatizing is negative emotions) such as anger or sadness. When we are sad, we probably won't react and will retreat into ourselves. But, on the other side, when we are angry we react, our emotions are telling us that something is unfair. And in the modern world, it leads to quarrels and fighting; while long before it leads to kicking someone in the head with a bat and knocking them out. So basically, we fight because we are angry and we are angry because we realize that something in our surrounding is unjust to us.
LittleLemon96
September 3rd, 2016 2:33pm
Because maybe it has been so long since you are together, take a break, if it lasts even after a long break, it maybe means that you are not ok with each other. Try to talk about it too, it may help you get over your fights.
taniaviridiana
September 8th, 2016 3:32am
When I do this I try to calm myself I remember the nice things about this person I'm fighting with and talk to her/him when I'm more calm.
ThatsCherry
September 10th, 2016 3:12pm
It's okay to do that. Everybody does it sometimes, nobody has to feel bad about it. It is a normal thing.
BintNajem
September 11th, 2016 1:44pm
If two people start fighting for little things then it can be an indicator that both of them have stopped caring for each other and also does value the other person anymore. Two people who real love each other will overlook such trivial issues.
Anonymous
September 28th, 2016 3:23pm
Sometimes even the little things matter because all these things add up to the person we are or the person we identify. Just like a little gesture makes someone caring or a little act makes us hate someone, even though things may be small they will mean a lot to a person when there is emptional attatchment. The closer we are in a relationship the more vulnerable we are and the more hurt we get.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2016 3:05am
People fight over small and stupid things because they're annoyed with a personality trait. They use the small thing as a reason to insult that characteristic.
shiningSoul82
October 2nd, 2016 9:41am
We fight of small little things because those little things can mean something to ourselves or other individuals
Anonymous
October 12th, 2016 1:53am
Usually when that happens it would indicate that there is a lack of communication and often times than not, indicate a bigger issue underlying these small and stupid things. Perhaps someone is extremely stress. Perhaps someone feels left out. Whatever the reasons, just take some time to figure out what really upset you both
MonieeExo
October 12th, 2016 5:24pm
If you're fighting over small and insignificant things, it could be beacuse your relationship is getting pretty rocky. You should have a serious talk with your s/o, and see what can be done to repair the relationship.
ThaliaRavenclaw
October 13th, 2016 3:47pm
It's almost like math. You can add 1, 100 times, and you suddenly get something big. Same thing with issues, you fight over the small because there are so many small that build up into something that looks so small to you but inside is so large.
Anonymous
October 16th, 2016 12:15am
The small every day things are the ones that define us, we have to battle them every day to become stronger.
InspireTheLiars
October 26th, 2016 10:43pm
It might be an underlying problem in your relationship. If you find yourself fighting over small and seemingly stupid things be sure to address who you're fighting with and talk it over.
Dinaskhalill
November 4th, 2016 3:16am
Because we care about those things, they might seem small and stupid to other people but to us they're important and big
beautifulOcean
November 23rd, 2016 8:02pm
In my experience, when two people fight over small things it's because of either an underlying issue or a lack of communication. If you're able to communicate, you're able to compromise. It could also be because you and whoever is fighting are just completely different on your point of view and unable to reach an agreement. That's okay if you are, you just need to find some common ground.
Fireflies57
December 30th, 2016 4:02am
Fighting over meaningless things can be a sign of a deeper conflict. You might try talking to whoever you're fighting with and try to discover what the deeper conflict it and then work through it.
ZeldaSavesLink
December 30th, 2016 9:44pm
It's easy to let emotions build up until we explode and say things we may not mean. It's best to take some time to talk your emotions out, either with the person you are fighting with or with someone else.
SabrinaD2017
January 6th, 2017 5:23am
If there is a lot of tension or a bigger issues that hasn't been solved it can lead to everything becoming a fight. I suggest sitting down and discussing about what you both are truly unhappy with, what you want to change, and what you expect and more than likely you'll solve the big issue which will solve the little ones.
purpleRaven76
January 22nd, 2017 1:25pm
I think this happens because the big issues are difficult to talk about, so we might get bogged down on trying to achieve instant gratification from "winning" the small fights. In the end, no one truly wins, unless they communicate with each other compassionately and non-violently. Are you able to recognize when you are beginning to fight over a small thing?
AravindSudev
January 27th, 2017 3:38pm
These small and stupid things may be merely acting as outlets for resentment that is already in you. We usually have good awareness about weather we are upset or not but we generally have very less awareness about what we are upset about. We tend to displace that upset into whatever reason we can find. So you should take your time and analyse the possibility weather one of you or both of you have something to be upset about. Its quite possible that the reason is unrelated to anything you might expect
Anonymous
February 8th, 2017 10:16pm
Sometimes is that just out love.
PerfectlyImperfect99
February 9th, 2017 5:19am
We are too scared to actually address the underlying cause of our feelings, emotions and reactions to what the other person is doing to bother us. It also may have been left unsaid for a long time causing our initial feeling to never get addressed and or validated, leaving us feeling a build up of resentment and causing us to be overly sensitive to any or possible all of the interactions with this other person until that work gets done.
Sunshine201
February 17th, 2017 7:40am
The question is why? We have a certain desire to see things or person around us, in a way we like it to be. We consider our ways, our values, our wishes, our lifestyle, as ultimate right thing, same goes with another person, and then there is lack of patience to think prior to speak. These are the two major whys.
Anonymous
February 19th, 2017 7:07pm
Maybe you aren't just fighting about stupid things, maybe there's a bigger problem that you need to address. The best thing to do is to get the person, sit down, and to talk through you all's problems.
Huggablepanda
March 1st, 2017 8:41am
Because it's our nature and our insecurities. We tend to fight over things about which we care, even if they are not really big. Sometimes we want what we want, we get stubborn, like we dont agree to things which ain't good for us. So yeah it is normal.
HelperTed
March 1st, 2017 12:27pm
Because it feels easier to focus on small, close-to-home problems, than the serious bigger issues. When you have an insercurity for example, this can be hard to admit to oneself. If you are in a relationship, you might take your own insecurity, and blindly say to yourself that the other person is doing something wrong to make you feel bad. This is some sort of coping-mechanism I suppose.
Twinky991
March 8th, 2017 7:21pm
This is a very difficult question to answer without knowing more about your situation, if you have been dating for awhile then it could be because you are starting to phase out of the honeymoon phase. If it is a new relationship, some times it can take some time to come to terms with you and your partners differences.