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Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

252 Answers
Last Updated: 01/19/2022 at 5:23am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
April 24th, 2015 7:42pm
There are many techniques that you can try to make your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend realise that they have been acting stupidly and that you are the one for them. It all starts with reassessing the contact you have with your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend. Contacting your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend techniques are crucial if you want to encourage positive results that make your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend actually want to talk to you again and initiate conversation , When you get these right your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will stop ignoring you and you will no longer have to worry about why your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend won't talk to you. It will be like it used to be at the start of your relationship when you both couldn't wait to talk to each other. Seems impossible? Not with the right tools
April 18th, 2015 8:52am
Well, most of the time, we can't help but keep thinking about the relationship that was before, and it's hard to accept the fact that it's over now. So every time you are interacting with your ex, deep inside you're constantly thinking about it all.
March 2nd, 2015 5:14am
It's hard because at one point we felt something for them and we are scared to ever feel it again. Especially if that person hurt us.
June 17th, 2015 7:18am
Our exes know us more intimately than other friends typically do. They know our darkest fears & our greatest aspirations. They've seen us naked: emotionally & literally. It can be difficult re-establishing boundaries when the residual feelings & intimate knowledge no longer manifest in your relationship with that person.
May 10th, 2015 4:39am
Sometimes we still have various feelings towards our ex partners. Feelings can include anger, sadness, guilt, and many more. Talking to your ex can evoke these feelings and make it difficult. Sometimes it helps to share your feelings with them. It can help bring closure for you.
September 7th, 2015 9:40pm
Not everyone is the same. It could be hard because of the feelings that are still involved and what was shared between the two of you.
October 22nd, 2016 3:07pm
Many times because there is a history with your relationship, unresolved feelings may still be an issue. When you talk to them feelings arise that you might have been suppressing for a while or maybe you still feel the same chemistry you had with each other before you broke up. Either way it is possible to talk civilly with an ex but make sure to guard your heart.
January 26th, 2016 3:24am
It is hard because at some point you both were in love. You each saw different sides of each other. It can be hard to talk to someone you once loved. I been through that.
July 20th, 2018 4:38pm
Humans have an instinctive desire to be connected, be a part of something, to help and to love and to want to be accepted, appreciated and be loved in return. If anything in my life the experience I have had has proven to me one thing that I feel everyone should hold as a fundamental belief within their core personal outlook and philosophy, and that’s the fact that Love is Indestructible. Once the love of a pet, a hobby or vocation, or a sibling or spouse/significant other enters your heart it will never leave. We nurture that love out of desire and instinct and it grows with us as the relationship evolves and grows. When the unfortunate but sometimes necessary time comes that the relationship is spent, for whatever reason, that love stays with us for the rest of our lives. I have learned this because I learned that when the relationship ended, no matter how it ended, and no matter how mad I was (or how mad the other person was at me) love remained, and that love heals our hearts as it changes. Over time that love may change form or take on a different meaning for us, but don’t fool yourself it’s always there. So, when you come back, face to face with an “ex” it is simply a normal reaction to that love that never died. Cherish it and share it. Talk to your “ex” and ask how they are doing? Care about them, tell them the time you spent together was worth the pain you have dealt with and healed from and that you are grateful for having had that time with them in your life. Take a few moments to show your very much alive love, in it’s new form as expressed by the person you are now (and not the person you were then) is still there by performing a kind act, speaking a kind word, asking about their family and their current situation in life. You never know, this may lead to a wonderful, new friendship or even rekindle the spark that bonded both of you the first time, but now as the new people you are. When you and this “ex” part company you will both feel energized, happy because you will remember not only how great it was then, but also being reminded of what you have now and how appreciative and lucky you are to have another day, like today to be alive so that you had the chance to see this special person from your past, one more time.
April 16th, 2015 4:29pm
Because you remember what you used to have and tend to forget why you broke up. It can be made easier by remembering the motto: "Ex's are ex's for a reason" and you should always remember the reasons you broke up.
October 26th, 2016 4:41pm
Well, you know it that you're not connected to them as much and that it didn't work out. Also you're afraid that they might not like you.
March 11th, 2015 7:13pm
Because you don't want to be reminded to the relationship you had. To the breakup you had. You don't want to remember the promises you made each other, because you didn't/couldn't keep them. It takes really very much to talk to your ex, be it boy or girlfriend, and truly forgive the person.
February 16th, 2018 5:57am
Its hard to talk to an ex because by talking to them it resurfaces all of the amazing memories you two once shared. Letting that part of you go was hard enough, trying to talk to the person after u finally let it go, kills you inside.
March 2nd, 2015 2:34pm
Because they were once an part of your life but are usually no longer in it. As an ex, it usually means there was some pain or hurt during the break-up. There may be pieces of yourself that have changed because of going through this event and talking to an ex may make you think about these changes, whether they be good or bad, and that can make talking to them difficult. Usually people like to avoid people who they associate with causing them some pain, which is a usual thing to happen in a break up and might be why you find it so hard to talk to them.
June 14th, 2015 7:38pm
I think that talking to an ex-boyfriend and/or ex-girlfriend is hard because of course it's going to be pretty awkward depending on where you two left things. It would be kind of difficult because there maybe some feelings still there on both ends or just on that one person.
September 14th, 2016 12:47am
Because you may still have some deeper feelings for them that extend beyond friendship. And its hard to see them with someone else and be happy for them when you have been in a relationship
November 11th, 2016 12:14pm
because you guys share personal stuff and things you thought and never may have broken up but the feelings and memory you guys share together will always be there no matter what
September 16th, 2016 3:22am
It could be hard to communicate with an ex if the relationship ended badly. Sometimes it is hard to get over old feelings.
January 11th, 2018 9:34pm
It’s hard to talk to an ex-lover because there’s some feeling of guilt. Sometimes a person may feel like they could’ve saved the relation ship.
July 27th, 2015 3:40pm
Its just awkward, you once were so much, so together , so close and now you are completely apart, it can just be very confronting
March 1st, 2018 10:34am
That's the golden question. Honestly, it's fear. We're afraid of how they'll react; if they'll be cold or mean to us, or ask us to never talk to them again. We fear if they have someone new, or never loved us, and so many other reasons why.
June 22nd, 2015 7:41pm
its normal all the memories and good times pop up and with it comes the sorrow of the breakup as well
August 16th, 2016 6:03am
Its not hard just brings lots of memories up which have some really powerful emotions connected with them...which makes it hard
September 18th, 2016 8:03pm
Because it has a lot of history.. It brings back old memories and wounds which are hurtful and challenging.. It leaves a bad aftertaste.. My heart races weirdly when I talk to my ex.. I don't enjoy it..
October 5th, 2016 9:29am
I think it is because you are afraid that you may get those feelings back as you know them better than someone new.
October 29th, 2016 4:33am
Speaking to an ex usually bring up the emotion you had with them when you were together which cause you pain due to the fact you broke up.
September 15th, 2016 9:57pm
Because many times those feelings and past emotions began to rise again. You remember the good and also the bad, it can be difficult.
October 5th, 2016 7:47am
Because normally, A distance forms due to the memories of what used to be. Where the two of you used to be close, you are no longer so close, and the friction caused by this new distance often makes it more difficult to talk to an ex, or get along with them, until things have moved on, and the two of you can be casual again.
October 21st, 2016 12:45pm
It all depends on the reasons in where you ended things, good, bad or fairly mutual. If anything it would obviously be difficult if things ended pretty bad, but it would be hard also if one of the party's still had feelings and the other didnt.
September 17th, 2016 7:29pm
It can be many things. Might be because of all the memories shared together. Or could be because of guilt or regret based on how it ended.