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How do I stop hating myself?

95 Answers
Last Updated: 06/02/2020 at 9:05am
How do I stop hating myself?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
April 11th, 2016 4:32am
This is a common question that a lot of people struggle with. Hating yourself, or self-loathing, doesn't just happen by chance. It's usually a conclusion you've arrived at because of things (people or events) in your past that have caused emotional distress. Rather than realising that the person or events in the past are the cause of your present problems, you've decided or convinced yourself for whatever reason that you are the reason that life isn't going your way. And more than being a 'reason', you've gone further and decided that you and the problems you've faced and continue to face are one and the same. In effect, as things stand right now, you can't separate who you are from problems you've encountered both in the past and the present. So, with that in mind, to begin changing this mindset, you first need to take a fresh, honest look at the past and what led you to deciding that you are the cause of the problems you're facing, Of course, that's easier said than done so I'd recommend doing this with a professionally trained counsellor, who'll gently, respectfully guide you and help you revisit that stressful part of your life safely, and without the potential to re-traumatise you. Once you can see how you came to this conclusion about yourself, you may be able to identify the steps which led you to reaching this definition, and then re-define who you are, and as a result make new choices about where you want to go next. Hate is a powerful negative expression of anger, which itself has its root in sadness, And anger is in itself not a bad thing, It simply represents your desire to stop those things happening which are going against the vision of what you want or what you feel is right. By seeing a counsellor, you may be giving yourself the opportunity to bring exactly what you want, and who you want to be, back into your life.
August 18th, 2015 7:11am
I can't tell you how to stop because I'm not quite there yet. It's a long path, and it's rocky and rough and there are times when you circle back because you lose your way. You seem to take one step forward and ten steps back and that is okay. It is okay to struggle and fight and cry and scream and hate that you don't seem to be making any progress. One second at a time. Take it slow. You can do this.
May 20th, 2015 11:21am
By reading self-compassion books, watch wellcast on youtube (she's amazing), listen to the song ''i choose happiness'' by david choi, keep a journal in your purse or backpag and read down all the great moments of the day and what you did to make yourself happy.... why hate yourself? it has no purpose.. it only ruins your whole VALUABLE life. Now, why hate yourself? Give me an argument why you, and we should?
February 7th, 2015 10:27am
It's not easy to accept yourself and to stop hating yourself, but it is possible. Get a piece of paper and write down all the good things about yourself. If you can't think of any, why don't you ask some friends or family members? That can give you a huge confidence boost and will start you on your path to loving yourself!
January 3rd, 2017 5:37am
When I am frustrated with myself, I find sweating makes a big difference in loving myself more. I'll go for a hard run or lift weights to raise my heart rate and let the endorphins help me out. I also like to imagine exaggerating whatever I hate about myself at the time and just make fun of myself. If I'm upset that I'm being lazy, I imagine being 100x lazier and laugh at how absurd that person would be. Then I tend to appreciate who I am at the moment and try to imagine being 10x less lazy and aim to be that guy.
October 18th, 2015 8:08am
you can start by forgiving yourself upon your mistakes, mistakes is a part of life and part that makes you even stronger than before. I know it's hard, you might have to take it slowly. forgive yourself, accept your flaws, and start loving rather than hating :)
April 21st, 2016 6:37pm
If you feel that you hate everything about yourself, figure out why other people like you. Maybe they think that you're really dependable, and you can think "Hey, I am really dependable!". Others tend to see qualities that we can't about ourselves, perhaps due to a mind block. Start recognizing these positive qualities and feel proud, feel good. Love yourself for these qualities. Now try to think of positive qualities yourself. Love yourself for these qualities. You have so many positive qualities. We all make mistakes, sometimes they will cost us, but those mistakes don't negate the wonderful attributes about ourselves. Give yourself the same grace we would give to others. You are wonderful. Find things to love about yourself, and eventually the hate should subside.
January 3rd, 2017 4:54pm
In order for one to stop hating themselves, they must first find there purpose to the world. If a purpose cannot be found initially, one of the next steps could be to create or define a purpose to the world. One should know that they impact the world in many ways, including family relations, workplace affairs, and potential change for the better that they can bring to society. Self hate can route from being unable to forgive yourself for mistakes and follies in the past. in order to conquer this, one must realize that the past does not define who you are, and each day we can make significant strides in becoming a character we can learn to love. In conclusion, we may hate who we are today, and who we were yesterday, but there are many things we can do to love the person we will be tomorrow. Contribute back to the community by volunteering your time, and develop a sense of purpose. Become the person you love.
April 1st, 2015 3:54am
Learning to love yourself can be the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. People give compliments to each other, the first thing is start complimenting yourself. Writing down your good qualities is a great place to start on learning to love yourself.
April 15th, 2015 10:57pm
you are able to stop hating yourself by attempting to find a positive about yourself and your experience on a day to day basis.
May 3rd, 2015 4:04pm
Stop looking at your flaws. Look at the good things about you. Surround yourself with positive energy makes thing you think of positive thing. It's hard, but I had to delete a lot of quotes that more less told me I was worthless and how I feel worthless. I looked for quotes that told me good things. Things that made it sound like I have a future.
November 23rd, 2015 2:42pm
Remember that you are created by God and everything He created are special and beautiful. You are worth a million "i love you".
March 28th, 2016 12:02am
you cant really stop only you can stop hating yourself but there is one option you could look in the mirror every morning when you wake up and every night when you go to bed and say i am lovely and i am beatiful
March 31st, 2016 6:16pm
If you hate yourself then you would probably have grudge in your heart. First thing to do is cry if you want to feel relaxed. Close your eyes and recall all your past (the good and bad) memories. Don't try to stop anything comes in your mind. Cry if you need. Now take a deep breath and think what you have been through. Remember those who loves you. Now think what you wants to do right now for yourself. Smile :) Go for a walk. Try to help someone daily. Let go of your past. Be original. Love truly. Make a diary and write whatever come in your mind. Smile :)
April 7th, 2016 6:53am
What do you hate about yourself? Identify those first. Then work on improving those factors in which you can better yourself and find something you are passionate about.
April 7th, 2016 7:53pm
Being your own bully is something that can take years to get over. You will always judge yourself and yell at yourself. Try complimenting yourself when you do something, Like when you just completed your chores for the day, "I did really good today." Maybe you can even treat yourself to something sweet or maybe going out to eat! Once you feel comfortable with that then take it one step further by writing down all of the things you like about yourself. You could even ask your friends or family to write a list about what they like about you. Then pin the lists on your bathroom window or the walls in your room. Remember that you deserve to love yourself.
June 1st, 2015 3:32pm
change the way you see and think about anything. Rather than thinking about negative sides try to see the positive sides of yours more. Believe in yourself. You are worthy n special. Love and take care of yourself.
April 30th, 2016 12:25am
I had to come to terms with the fact that I was living to make everyone else like me. When I couldnt, I would internalize that and hate myself. Once I realized that it was alright if not everyone was on team, I started living differently. Started working on me, focusing on myseld to get myself back to a person I loved and that tranalated into other ppl seeing me for who I was. One hand washes the other.
May 6th, 2016 9:21am
First and foremost, you must understand - There really is nothing there to hate! Everything you "hate" about yourself is merely a perception you have steadily built by either using what other people think about you or an incorrect thought of what a 'lovable' person is made of. Everyone is made up of good and bad. No one is perfect. If it's perfection you seek, stop looking! We are all lovable in our right and always remember - if you hate certain aspects of yourself because of wrongdoings, there's enough time in life to correct those and be happy again.
April 16th, 2015 1:05pm
By changing your mindset. Believing that you are far more worth than you give yourself credit. You are worthy
June 5th, 2015 8:52pm
Learn to understand your own faults and accept them, also asking friends or family what you are like (good and bad things) then keep doing thegood things and try your best to get rid of the bad ones.
August 3rd, 2015 12:23am
In order to stop hating yourself, you need to start loving yourself. You are you for a reason. I bet you are this truly great person, but you just need to see it in yourself. Once you do, you will realize you are worth everything to yourself. You will gain the confidence to do the things you are meant to do or want to do.
August 4th, 2015 11:03pm
The best way to stop hating yourself is to begin loving yourself. Learning to begin loving yourself is a long process. It had little steps. Begin by finding minute details you like about yourself, physical or character traits. Focus on those, and start forgiving yourself for the traits you don't like. Find the beauty in what you once disliked.
October 6th, 2015 11:25pm
by accepting your flaws if this doesn't work try and reflect and recap back to best memories
March 22nd, 2016 11:51pm
Slowly, you look for traits that are likeable within yourself. You give yourself credit for what you've done right and try to be less harsh when criticizing yourself. You try to be patient with yourself and accept compliments instead of denying them. It won't happen overnight though and this needs constant effort.
April 7th, 2016 7:31am
I practice accepting and forgiving myself for those things i did or haven't done. I move on with my life and try to change anything that I can. Living is making difference.
April 8th, 2016 3:12am
It can take a long time to learn to accept yourself and it's your own personal journey, but for me, it's been so helpful to stop putting my opinion of myself in other people's hands. Loving yourself will come from you. Take time to admire the things you love about yourself and stop focusing on the things you don't.
April 8th, 2016 6:03pm
Fake it until you make it. Although it sounds pretty stupid, if you even start saying it as a joke, and if you say it enough, you'll start believing it sooner or later.
April 17th, 2016 11:19am
You can write the things you hate about yourself and watch tyem burn in the fire or get soaked in water.. You can also start loving yourself and accept yourself wholely..
July 25th, 2016 8:15am
Accept that you are in this world because of a reason and that you have a unique mission that nobody else can make but you