How do you deal with depression after a breakup?

305 Answers
Last Updated: 05/29/2018 at 7:28am
How do you deal with depression after a breakup?
★ This question about Depression was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.

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fairmindedPal3763 - Expert in Depression
September 12th, 2015 5:13pm
2 weeks ago i was in an amazing relationship, or i thought. I was planning our wedding, We just found out we are pregnant with.. 3 babies. And overnight he advised me that he didn't want to be together anymore and then systematically deleted me from his life. From social media, blocked my phone calls etc . Fast forward 2 weeks and i was informed he has gone back with his ex girlfriend. I NEED advice on how to get over this pain because the betrayal i feel is killing me.
whimsicalStrawberry64
November 18th, 2014 1:29pm
I go no contact for a period of about three months- removing them from social networking/phone and gradually i start to feel better :) I make sure I keep myself busy with activities and meeting up with friends. A good cry now and then also helps to let out emotion
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 5:26am
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but its not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person-- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
coolgirl999
July 16th, 2015 5:25am
Dealing with depression after a breakup can truly be a heart breaking time, and sadly, one that we'll all have to experience. After a breakup, its extremely important to realize that you don't need to pretend that it doesn't hurt. You can admit that you still have feelings for this person, and that your feelings are valid. Make sure that you take time to care for yourself and have an amazing support system. if you don't feel you have that, you can always find it here at 7 cups of tea. we're all here to help.
Ifeelthesameway
July 2nd, 2015 9:12am
In my experience I deal with it by keeping myself busy and do the things I love, surround myself with my friends. Although it was really hard for me since I really loved the person and that I'm really attached to him before, everything I do reminds me of him.
alfonsojon1997
June 21st, 2015 2:35pm
Well, I went through a very rough time with a relationship of mine - it all felt so real, so right, and I thought I'd probably marry her some day. Life had other plans, and I moved to Wisconsin; and she found someone else and left me for him. I was heartbroken for a very long time, and it ended up making me irrational. I'd say to stay true to yourself, and move forward, no matter how much pain there is. I was basically mourning over spilled milk for months, and it got me nothing but more pain. Sooner or later, someone who's a perfect match will come your way, and you have to keep your eyes open to see it, rather than staying blind and in the past.
shorelife
November 9th, 2014 3:56pm
You look after your basic needs. You rearrange your space and shared things in a way that works for you and is decisive, Use your physical environment to mark a change, to draw a line. Get a new and better haircut. Avoid tubs of ice cream. Be kind to yourself and you wait. Change will come to you imperceptibly, until one day you will realise the sun is shinnig ad the birds are singing.
Tomislav
August 15th, 2015 4:18pm
Dealing with depression after a break up is certainly hard. Lot of thoughts drive through your mind. Was it about me? Wasnt i good enough? What could i have done better? These thoughts lead to depression. Feeling of low self worth and often a desire of revenge (if it was a rough break up) accompany it. It is hard to comfort someone going through a break up. Person is reminiscing good memories they had with a feeling of loss. It is necessary to comfort the person in such a way that wont blacken their former partner in their eyes, as friends usually do. 'she was a bitch' 'he doesnt deserve you' and similar thoughts can only worsen the guilt and/or depression and prolong the time of mental recovery after a break up. Comfort them with kind and encouraging words and tell them they need to face the facts and move on, as it is the only way to deal with a break up. I hope this answer helps, my dear questioner. Do not try to take revenge over your former beloved ones as your feelings of anger and depression will pass. It takes time but you ARE a good person and you DO deserve someone to love you. You will find them! Remember your former beloved ones with respect and dignity. And let them go.
Eylul
September 23rd, 2014 4:55pm
Firstly, I think it as an experience. An experience which I will never forget about. An experience which will change all my thoughts, treats and future. The lessons I learned will always help me in my future relationships (either with friends or another one). What happens, happens and time will never stop for me. I will cry, be sad, but think it as a part of my life and continue. One door closes, another one opens.
turquoiseBranch3489
May 29th, 2018 7:28am
for how long I am going to be depressed after a breakup. It has already been 5 weeks and I do not feel better at all.
TorturedHeart34
August 12th, 2015 9:32pm
Well, i had a fresh breakup. And i thought that it is the end of the world. I felt this way for almost two weeks. And that was the reason i'm contributing with other people on 7 Cups of Tea :) . First you need to sit down with yourself and think about what happened for one last time! And if you are sure that you won't get back... So delete everything that remembers you with your ex. Think about your future, dream about what you want to do and start achieving. Would you like to be in one-sided love!? That is not love! You are torturing yourself. The common thing after every breakup which aches you is you think deeply inside yourself saying : maybe that is just a joke or a prank.... Maybe one day we will get back..maybe i get a msg from my ex saying he/she was sorry and let's get over that. So after all just move one. You will find the right person in the right time You she be independent. Never link your happiness to someone or something as you know everything is transient. Never lose hope or faith. And enjoy your life with your family or friends. Do the things which make you happy! :)
Blueindigogal
July 4th, 2015 4:55pm
In my personal experience, break-ups are hard whether it is a romantic relationship or friendship. To cope with the depression that follows after a break up: 1. Tell myself that these feelings will pass over time 2. Look at all of the good times I had in the past with this individual 3. Ask myself, what were the “red flags” in the relationship that I have could been ignoring? 4. What will I do differently the next time? 5. Self-care, looking at all of the positive aspects of myself 6. I do something positive for someone else, someone always needs love 7. Prayer and meditation, the mind needs a moment to be clear These are all the things that have helped me to move forward from a break-up.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2015 1:41am
personally? i make it a point to take care of myself. because, at the end of the day, guess who's most important? you are, lovely. so take care of yourself and keep your chin up, because you've plenty of time to find a yin to your yang.
Pandette
November 10th, 2014 2:48am
Everyone deals with depression in their own way. The best thing you can do is try to focus on your daily routine. Don't change what you used to do (for example, going to the gym or watching your favourite shows during a specific time of day). Try to keep in contact with those that love you the most (friends and family). Don't push anyone away because all they really want to do is help.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 4:06am
Make sure you understand WHY the other person broke up with you. Not knowing will always put a weight on you and you'll keep going back to that same question. Next, understand that you are not less of a person. Just because that relationship or another one didn't work out, doesn't mean they'll all be that way. Also, understand your worth. You shouldn't feel any less worth of yourself just because it didn't work out with that one person or how many people. Try your best to move on and understand that just because the relationship is over, doesn't mean your life is. Your beautiful and wonderful no matter what! :-)
MorganC
September 29th, 2014 4:08am
Staying occupied. Doing things you love with a strong group of friends, going out more. Being occupied and doing things that you enjoy gets your mind off a break up. Also, consider getting out there! Sometimes it feels a lot better to start talking to someone new.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 3:01am
The pain was way too much for me to even comprehend for a while.. Watching my favourite movies, and tv shows took me out of the real world for a little bit and made me feel happy again. Distracting yourself can sometimes be one of the best things, especially right at the start when you don't want to accept what happened.
Michael77
August 1st, 2015 10:08pm
Breakups are usually pretty tough. You're left questioning yourself, your values, you own value as well as all of the 'woulda, coulda and shoulda' things. For me, after a breakup, after that initial sting passes, I always realized the things I'd not miss about someone, and how I'd start to be able to be myself again. I think we all adjust who we are to fit who we are with. Sometimes those changes aren't healthy, and sometimes the habits we fall back into after a breakup aren't healthy either. So, it's during this time that some self-discovery is a good thing, and possibly trying to learn how to be alone and ok with it. It's usually when we're not actively seeking to fill that void that we stand a chance of finding something real, lest we go in filling in the blanks with someone who may or may not work out for us.
redwhispers
October 25th, 2014 11:36pm
First off, you have to assure yourself that it isn't the end of the world. Second, do fun things with your friends to get your mind off of him/her, and try to take up some new hobbies. Pets also help too. :)
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 12:50am
Honestly, time is just about the only thing that makes the pain go away. Breakups are tremendously difficult to deal with, but over time you will meet someone or take up a new hobby that makes you happy, even if you don't think you will.
PDuncanson
September 14th, 2014 1:46am
I always feel the most important part of dealing with depression after a breakup is acknowledging that it is ok to be sad for awhile. The trick is not to let yourself fall down a hole, its ok to be sad for awhile but don't forget to live your life.
TheComedyTragedy
July 18th, 2015 8:19pm
Sometimes it isn't a simple answer like that, a breakup causes a lot of emotional trauma and some people heal with time, friendships, talking, people and hobbies etc. whereas others feel the need for therapy and / or a medication to help relieve the depression.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2014 8:55pm
I deal with a break up by chatting with friends, picking up new hobbies, and trying to regain a sense of normalcy without a partner.
Marcel
October 21st, 2014 6:45am
First you have to let your feelings out. Want to cry? cry for days until you are all dried up, dont bottle your feelings because it can make you feel worse later. After you have mourned the relationship try to always have company, call a friend or a relative, dont be alone because you can go back to feeling sad, try to keep yourself distracted, and no sad music! go and party, have coffee, or dinner with someone. even if you dont feel like going out, it will help to keep you entertained.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2014 5:59pm
Remind myself daily that better things have yet to come, not to slack off on physical activity and stay motivated so I don't sink further, make notes to eat and no matter how much I want to lie in bed, to get up and take a shower. I try to remember that if it's not meant to be then someone better is out there for me. I also lean on good friends to support me and talk with me so that things don't stay bottled up inside.
cherryblossom78
February 16th, 2016 12:31am
Try to watch yourself as if it would be a 3rd person. See the thoughts and depressed emotion arise and just think to yourself "ah, these are the sad emotions and depressed thoughts coming in like a cloud. It will also go away, just like the clouds in the sky". Putting a distance between yourself and your thoughts can help you see your emotions in a more neutral and observant way.
JulieDarling
October 22nd, 2014 6:22pm
It's good to cry, let it all out. After awhile you find the sliver lining. Sometimes it's just not meant to be, but it's up to you to pick yourself up and put your chin up and learn to live again, even without that person. There is always a bright side to everything and sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2014 10:27am
Focus on what kept you happy before you had the relationship, cry and moan. Get it all out. Then breathe and tell yourself that you were once happy without anyone and you can be happy again. Everything takes time but within time, it gets better. Do things you once loved to do, take little steps, but as long as those steps are towards a better direction, it's always an improvement.
LevisCorde
November 6th, 2014 2:56am
DISTRACTION! Get out there into the world and talk to people, friends, strangers, get your mind off.
Wes2
November 4th, 2014 8:36am
This is a very common and difficult problem-- it's normal and okay to feel sad. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship however you like. Then, when a week or 2 has passed, force yourself to get up and out into the world. You don't need to start dating or find a new relationship, you can do anything. Don't define yourself by the partner you do or don't have-- set a new goal for yourself and pursue that. And new love will follow eventually.