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Is it normal to not want to get better?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 11/26/2020 at 9:05pm
Is it normal to not want to get better?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
Islah
April 7th, 2017 4:56am
Well, firstly, 'normal' is a state of mind... I would say that a lot of people don't want to get better. I was like that, once. My depression felt very comfortable for me, as hurtful as it was. Often times people stay in situations that aren't good for them, simply because it's comfortable. I didn't want to be uncomfortable. I was too tired to challenge myself and get better. But sometimes it's a really good feeling to get uncomfortable... Don't feel bad about wanting to be comfortable. After all, you're only human. You're only doing the very best you can. Pushing yourself to do something you aren't ready for is only counter productive... Best of luck, friend! You are so very strong!
HattieMae
April 16th, 2017 4:16pm
When we have continuelly felt bad, for an extended amount of time, that sadness and misery feels normal to us. We recognize it, and it's a normal type of suffering. Sometimes when we are faced with the choice of facing the unknown in order to recover, we will crawl back towards our pain becuase we wlready know what it's like to suffer. If we are given the choice between an unknown benefit, and a familiar pain, many of us will take our pain and hold it close for comfort. This tendency is why it's hard for people to choose recovery after experiencing a chronic mental illness.
TaranWanderer
April 19th, 2017 6:14pm
It can be very normal! When we have been a certain way or gone through something for a long enough time, it becomes the every-day way of life. And even if it's not good for us, it's comfortable because it's familiar. It also takes time to want to get better, sometimes our bad situation/habits is doing a service for us in some for or other, and to give that up in order to "get better" means changing an important part of your life.
crispNight40
May 12th, 2017 5:02am
Sadness is very sad, of course, but it is also very comfortable. There is a certain appeal to wrapping yourself in your depression or mania or whatever else because it is such an ever-present companion. The important thing to realize is that you aren't truly comfortable in whatever state you are in, and you do want to "get better" very much. What you are actually comfortable with is the side effects of whatever state you are in, whether it is being out and about, not worrying about consequences, or being reflective and introspective. Find a way to nuture the healthy aspects of yourself apart from whatever self destructive elements. If you are alone and depressed, try enjoying a book or reflecting on the positive things in your life. If you can't stop abusing a substance, try having fun in other ways. Getting better doesn't mean your life is over, it just means you need to find new ways to enjoy it. In the long run, you'll get even more out of life once you realize this.
tab20z
May 25th, 2017 10:47pm
It can be common. When your life has been defined by your struggle with a difficulty (whether it be mental illness such as depression, bipolar, etc. or a physical illness) it can begin to become "comfortable". Not comfortable in the sense that there is no pain, but you are familiar with the pain, and know it well. As such, "getting well" may involve new pain, and this time (with the illness or condition managed) there is no one to blame but yourself. These are normal thoughts that are common in many people, often people who have been dealing with pain for a long time. They need to be fought, and it is hard, but its part of recovery. Recovery is not a straight upward trajectory, its instead going up and down many times before you reach the goal.
Vivian4
May 2nd, 2018 8:11pm
Yes , it is completely normal cause benefits of not getting better are still great gains. You can ask yourself what you would miss or what would you loose if I’d get better.
Melissame
May 26th, 2018 7:55pm
Some people are desperate to get better while sometimes people are more comfortable with how things are and dislike change or maybe they think it will be too hard or they are scared of change or just unsure. These feelings are normal and it is your choice. Its important to consider all options and decide which one is best for your health and wellbeing.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 5:10am
It depends on the person and the circumstance. I personally know that not wanting to get better can serve as keeping the feelings/emotions to feel the way that you do, even when they may be gone.
positiveTurtles
April 3rd, 2020 10:09pm
Yes. I think it is completely normal to not want to get better. This is because you have always been this way and been dealing with this issue. So when you get better you often realize that you do not remember what it’s like to live life without your illness. I think it is completely normal to feel this way. But just because you are afraid of getting better, does not mean that you should sabotage your progress that you have already made. You have already taken the steps to get better, keep going even if it is scary.
lovelyMirage5650
October 3rd, 2020 8:25am
Yes, yes it is. Everyone at some point of time feel that they don't want to do better, some realize this while others don't. Many times we are just so exhausted of trying to do better, to reach people's expectations not realizing that the more we do, the more their expectations increase. Until one day, you just can't anymore. You just want to give up and just rest for a while, you'd want to isolate yourself. And its completely normal. It does not mean there is something wrong with you, it just means that you want some time out of that hectic life to sort your feelings, your life out.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 4:42am
Sometimes it's hard to accept change, i know i do. When i know i need to but i dont want to, i think to myself, if this was someone else i'd want them better, so why not myself.
NumberEleven
July 15th, 2016 7:05pm
For a time it is, because sometimes you can't see what goes beyond what you're going through, that's perfectly normal though.
Jenni42
July 17th, 2016 1:39pm
Yes, many people feel this way. It's due to your current state feeling normal and predictable. You don't know what to expect if it changes and don't really want to take the risk.
TheGavin
July 20th, 2016 2:01pm
Yes, when it comes to feeling as if there is no better. You are under that illusion. What is a better you? only you can answer that. The sooner you realize that the better you is closer then you think. The soon you will want to get their :)
MsYani
July 22nd, 2016 4:45pm
Yes, it is a normal FEELING to not want to get better. Depending on the situation (everyone's situation is different) a person may fee like they need to give up or they feel there is no solution. Why do we feel this way? Because we are INSIDE our problem. We feel like we are drowning even deeper when we try to climb our of our situation. A good reminder for this: Once we've hit rock bottom, the only way is up. and its always easier falling then getting back up. But the battle is worth it! ("You'll be okay" by A Great Big World; Listen as you reflect your new goals in life to get better!!)
michelle2000
July 24th, 2016 3:50pm
I wouldn't say it's normal to not want to get better, but I would definitely say that it's normal to not want to ask for help to get better. Of course, it depends on what you are struggling with. If, for example, you struggle with Anorexia, then I can see why you wouldn't want to get better because that would involve gaining weight to become healthy. But, say, if you had depression, it would be strange if you didn't want to get better and be happy again. Like I said, it depends on your condition.
uniqueMango45
July 27th, 2016 1:00am
If you have mental health problems, yes. In my personal experience it's a terrible nightmare where you're miserable but don't want to improve because you're used to and romanticize the bad feelings.
Gracey
July 28th, 2016 10:18pm
For someone who has been unwell for a long period of time, it can be scary to think about getting better. I suppose there is no such thing as normal, maybe you should try and talk this over with a listener and explore the reasons why you don't want to get better :)
ItsAlyssa
July 28th, 2016 10:22pm
Well it doesn't seem normal to me but you should get help because who wouldn't want to get better.i hope things go great
Anonymous
July 29th, 2016 7:30pm
Yeah, sometimes we see ourselves defined by depression, ocd, anxiety, etc.. We then start thinking "if I'm not depressed, what am I?". Other times self-pity (in some cases not all) can also be indulgent.
alwaysafriend4u
July 30th, 2016 6:29am
it is normal not to want to get better. for what is "better"? "better" is a subjective observation. what you see as better is not necessarily what the suffering person see as better. we must assume we do not know all the pertinent information concerning one person. for a person is a world in itself. sometimes a person developed a complicated ,self restricting strategies ,that integrate the suffering into his life, in a never ending cycle. that is his way of coping.(in his eye-mind) . after all,sometimes, a person is his self worst enemy. if that person has strong self will, he is sure he knows what he is doing - then what? - the willing to get better must come from within that person. if that person did it for too long, until suffering/ faulty thinking become an integrated part of himself. that is the only way he knows. then what? a person is a world in itself. let him be.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 12:23pm
You could be depressed, depressed makes us down and to lazy to be bothering with improving ourselves.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 4:27pm
There are many people out there who doesnt want to get better, because seeking help seems impossible because they are scared, ashamed etc.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2016 10:14am
this is common. I understand but I personally recommend seeking professional help. you might not want to but once you've done it you will feel relived
Anonymous
August 4th, 2016 7:17am
Maybe it's about your situation.If you get more attention now,you won't want to turn back.I understand this.
hopefulHand19
August 4th, 2016 2:21pm
It is totally normal not to want to get better. Personally, I didnt want to get better, because i was so scared of putting effort into something, and having the outcome backfire at me. With lots of help, I was able to push through this, and although it was a really rough journey of ups and downs, I got better, and I am so thankful for everyone who helped. Its worth it.
TylerOxley2000
August 4th, 2016 4:56pm
I think it's completely normal to not want to get any better sometimes when you are better you make things worse because it doesn't feel right
PeacockBlue
August 6th, 2016 7:32pm
Yes, yes it is normal. It's a part of yourself procrastinating on the future, liking or rather being comfortable with where things are in the present and fearing what may come if too much changes in the future. You've become adjusted to who you are as a person right now, you know how to face your current problems and getting better means these problems will be replaced by new ones you know nothing about. Because of course, there will always be some problem. You're also happy with the empathy you can feel right now, when you aren't better and you're afraid of who you might become if you did get better. It's like the fear of failing, just rather the fear of success. You're afraid that if you wish to get better then it might never even happen. So no expectations means no disappointment. You're happy with having an excuse to be cared and comforted for. For not doing your best at work because you aren't at your best. So yes, not wanting to get better can sometimes also be half the reason why aren't getting better
pinksunset
August 10th, 2016 8:50pm
Yes, it's very common. If you've been living a certain way for a significant amount of time it's easy to get comfortable living that way, no matter whether it is good or bad for you. Alot of behaviours are maladaptive so become difficult to change, we get used to certain things and getting better can seem scary or not worth it because our way of thinking has, in a sense, adapted to the unhealthy ways we've been living.
AnArtLover
August 11th, 2016 5:48am
It is very normal. Sometimes it seems not getting better is easier, or that you've been sad (or any other emotion) for too long. I've personally felt this way too. Talking to people who've felt the same way can help you realize you are not alone.