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Is it normal to not want to get better?

321 Answers
Last Updated: 11/09/2021 at 4:18am
Is it normal to not want to get better?
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
July 15th, 2016 10:22pm
I have felt the same. Sometimes I found that being down only made me want to stay down and listen to sad music. Also people's expectations of you can weigh heavy and having an excuse to not feel as pressured can be comforting. Change is also scary and if you've experienced things that has made you have a consistent mood, lifting yourself up could make you feel like you're lying to yourself.
September 7th, 2016 5:18pm
It is actually normal to not want to get better! First of all, your natural state has been one of unease and despair, and it's natural that you're comforted by this - it's what you've known for so long, and we stay in places we find familiar. Another reason you may wish to stay where you are might be the fear of relapsing after you're getting better; falling back into a dark hole once you're in the sun is definitely scary and frustrating, so wouldn't it be better to avoid the disappointment? Similarly, you may believe that you'll never be happy, no matter what you do, so why even attempt to get better? But through it all you have to remember that just like the rain always passes and the sun always comes out, so will your sadness pass and happiness emerge - if you allow it. At the same time you have to accept that nothing is permanent, and relapses are normal. Finally, you have to step outside of your comfort zone - because only after you leave this can you begin to grow :)
July 19th, 2016 6:37am
Yes it's completely normal. When you are depressed for a long period of time, you may get comfortable and it may feel easier to just stay sad because recovery seems too difficult. That is normal, however if you're able to talk to a therapist or counselor about that it would be very beneficial.
September 8th, 2016 8:26am
I believe we all want to feel better, on some level at least. It's just that there are a lot of things which can prevent a person from doing anything to make themeselves feel better or even want to put an effort in it. It feels normal to not want to get better because sometimes you've been wanting to feel better for so long, and it feels like nothing you do is working, and you start to feel like that wanting itself is just causing you more pain, that it would easier to just give up. Getting better is hard. When you're bad for so long, you're used to it and getting better is something stranger and somehow terrifying. However, things which feel normal doesn't mean they're good for us. Getting better is hard, because it's something good. Every good thing in life is hard to reach after all; the hardest the challenge, the better the result. Though it's hard and the easier way seems vetter, getting better is something that we all deserve.
July 20th, 2016 8:14pm
It's completely understandable to not want to get better. This is all you know. It's all you HAVE known. Change is frightening. But it will be ok in the end. If it's not ok yet, it's not the end yet.
January 5th, 2018 3:34pm
Sometimes, the thought of feeling ‘better' can raise many emotions and feelings. Feeling ‘better’ may be daunting for some, especially when one has experienced a negative sense of well-being for a long period of time. Being in a negative state of mind, depressed, anxious etc. can sometimes a norm, a comfort, one’s identity, and by feeling ‘better’ this is all taken away. Therefore, it is completely understandable to sometimes have the thought of not wanting to feel ‘better’. I can re-assure you, you will not be alone with this thought!! However, with support, steps, and goals in place feeling ‘better’ can be a very safe and rewarding process. A process that everyone can achieve. I wish you the best of luck with the path ahead of you. Please remember, 7cups is here to support you!
September 3rd, 2016 11:44am
Yes, that's the biggest barrier to recover. You lose the motivation to get better. You convince yourself that you deserve to feel this way.(you don't ) you get so used to the way you're feeling that you forget who you were without you're illness/sadness. You feel like you won't be the same. I promise, if you can find the motivation to get better, you will do it eventually and you will still be the same person, only you'll have so many more opportunities to show off who you are. ❤
July 16th, 2016 5:56am
Normal, yes. But is it healthy? No. Many people feel comfortable in a dark place because they've been there for so long, they are afraid of happiness, etc. If you're feeling like this, though, there is still hope and you CAN get better with perseverance.
July 10th, 2016 2:09pm
Is it entirely normal to have trouble exercising motivation, telling yourself you will never get better, having personal speech problems. But there is solutions to this, (cool video I recommend watching), stop telling yourself you are stupid and pathetic, stop telling yourself you can't do anything, stop telling yourself it is impossible to change, because you are wonderful and amazing!
July 24th, 2016 10:35pm
Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. Humans are creatures of habit. It seems you have got stuck in a stagnation habit. You may have become comfortable being stagnant and you don't want to get better because of this.
July 10th, 2016 3:10pm
It is normal not to want to get better. When you have been unwell for a while you end up getting used to that way of life and it feels safe. The fear of the unknown makes us want to stay in our comfort zone.
July 11th, 2016 4:07am
Yes. Yes it is. Sometimes you need to have a piece of you locked away hidden in sight that only you know about. And that is when you have it. And maybe that part of you will never be better. But it will always be there for you to look at and to have to help you when you do want to be better again.
August 10th, 2016 9:22pm
with the idea of getting better comes changes and that can trigger the fear of expectations and possibly even failure. Getting healthier is not so, black and white. Itrhink getting healthy means accepting every aspect of one's self. The strong and vulnerable characteristics everyone hold i n their personality. getting healthy does not mean you won't ever revisit the more vulnerable side to yourself again it just means you can navigate that moment more effectively.
September 9th, 2016 10:01pm
Yeah, it is. Don't you worry about that thought. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" - it's a true statement.
July 10th, 2016 8:42am
Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. It is considered learned helplessness. You are used to where you are and you know nothing else and you really don't want to make another change.
Anonymous - Expert in Depression
July 23rd, 2016 2:00am
Sometimes we lack the will to recover or motivation to try, you may feel that its not worth it and find an odd comfort in your own sadness
July 13th, 2016 10:01pm
It is rather common for people to not want to get better, actually. Our minds and our bodies are structured in such a way that they are accustomed to habits. After a while, the idea of trying to get better and failing to get better becomes scarier than not trying at all. This is a sense of anxiety that a lot of people feel when it comes to the idea of hope; hope is a very scary thing to have! Sometimes, though, we have to walk the steps of what we know we need, and not what we want to need.
December 9th, 2016 2:52am
Sure! A lot of people, especially people who are struggling with long-term illness or anguish go back-and-forth in their will and motivation to improve their well-being. Persevering is hard, even if you have the tools to get by with. We are human and we are each very different with different strengths and weaknesses, and comparing our lives to each others to determine a normality is just not fair to anyone. Normal is anything but, and every individual has a different definition of what normal means to them. How do you define 'normal'? Looking further into yourself for clues as to who you are can help you grow into yourself in a more natural way without feeling as though it's being forced. Why do you think you don't want to get better? Do you consistently not want to get better? When was the last time you wanted to get better, and how did you feel then? How do you feel when you imagine yourself 'better'? Why do you feel that way? Remember, because we are individuals it is okay for us to 'get better' at our own pace, and that may mean taking a break from trying to be better now and then too if that's what is needed. Good luck soul-searching and good on you for reaching out and asking such a great question.
March 10th, 2017 5:49pm
Of course it is! The thing about mental illness is that its insidious, and sneaky. My various illnesses told me that that's how I was gonna feel forever, and I believed it. Sometimes you get to used to feeling one way that it becomes comfortable, safe even. You know what to expect and its scary to imagine being any other way, which will cause you to not want to get better. Or not feeling worthy of getting better, or feeling as if your illness is your personality and you dont know who you'd be without it, those are both very common feelings as well; but what needs to be remembered is thats just the manipulative way the disorder can keep you in its grasp, keep you sick. You are not your disorders, you are so much more, and you are worthy of a full happy life.
September 29th, 2017 6:55pm
It's definitely normal but isn't the best idea. After some time of getting used to a certain lifestyle or mindest it becomes familiar, "safe" or easy. It's understand that you would choose something you know, something that feels safe, rather than trying to get betting and getting into new things or trying change. Sometimes staying in the safe zone is a poor choice regarding to how successful or happy you can truly be. Really think about, it's definitely up to you but sometimes what scares you the most is probably the better decision.
July 13th, 2016 12:19pm
No that's not "normal" and not a good thing. You need to have a professional help, I think.
August 12th, 2016 8:44am
It is completely normal. I have dealt with that as well. Sometimes we feel we need to be punished or we may fear change. Sometimes we just don't know what it feels like to be happy. Maybe it's none of those things and it's a mystery for you to discover.
March 10th, 2018 2:53am
Not wanting to get better can be caused by several reasons, all of which are completely valid. Once you get used to a certain situation or feeling a certain way, you can become accustomed to it, and although it might not be an enjoyable feeling, it can be comfortable to you because that's what you know. Change can be scary, because what you're used to will be different now, and there can be uncertainty about what things will be like in the future.
October 13th, 2017 5:18pm
From my experience, getting better requires work and sometimes it can be hard to continue to keep moving forward. It can also be scary to think about the future because we never really know what is going to happen. Sometimes we also make mistakes. We all have different coping methods, but some can be harmful then helpful in the end. It is okay to be sad sometimes, or to take some time to process something, but in the end I have found that it is best to keep pushing though. That has made me the person I am today, and I am so excited about where I am in my life at the moment.
April 26th, 2018 9:09pm
It is easier to accept what we feel is normal even if it is awful, than risk the challenge of change
August 4th, 2016 4:56pm
I think it's completely normal to not want to get any better sometimes when you are better you make things worse because it doesn't feel right
July 10th, 2016 4:42am
Sometimes it's hard to accept change, i know i do. When i know i need to but i dont want to, i think to myself, if this was someone else i'd want them better, so why not myself.
July 13th, 2016 4:06pm
7 cups of tea is a very nice platform to express our feelings to those who cares.Love you seven cups
July 13th, 2016 6:57pm
Yes it normal. We like to hold onto our unhealthy ways. We don't want to get out of our comfort zones. Getting better means changing,and changing is hard.
August 31st, 2016 4:14pm
I don't know whether I can say it's normal, but I can certainly say I have experienced this. It's very easy to fall into a trap where, being depressed is all you can really remember. And it can be at this point that you you begin to normalise it, this is what you are used to, you don't know how to feel any different hence being depressed almost feels comfortable, and the thought of being happy becomes strange and anxiety-inducing. All I can say is we can't be afraid to change, if that change is only for the better.