Is it normal to not want to get better?

258 Answers
Last Updated: 10/23/2019 at 6:12pm
Is it normal to not want to get better?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

jennifer fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
kaitykait
July 19th, 2016 6:37am
Yes it's completely normal. When you are depressed for a long period of time, you may get comfortable and it may feel easier to just stay sad because recovery seems too difficult. That is normal, however if you're able to talk to a therapist or counselor about that it would be very beneficial.
Owen27
July 15th, 2016 10:22pm
I have felt the same. Sometimes I found that being down only made me want to stay down and listen to sad music. Also people's expectations of you can weigh heavy and having an excuse to not feel as pressured can be comforting. Change is also scary and if you've experienced things that has made you have a consistent mood, lifting yourself up could make you feel like you're lying to yourself.
themoreyoulook
September 7th, 2016 5:18pm
It is actually normal to not want to get better! First of all, your natural state has been one of unease and despair, and it's natural that you're comforted by this - it's what you've known for so long, and we stay in places we find familiar. Another reason you may wish to stay where you are might be the fear of relapsing after you're getting better; falling back into a dark hole once you're in the sun is definitely scary and frustrating, so wouldn't it be better to avoid the disappointment? Similarly, you may believe that you'll never be happy, no matter what you do, so why even attempt to get better? But through it all you have to remember that just like the rain always passes and the sun always comes out, so will your sadness pass and happiness emerge - if you allow it. At the same time you have to accept that nothing is permanent, and relapses are normal. Finally, you have to step outside of your comfort zone - because only after you leave this can you begin to grow :)
Random28
September 8th, 2016 8:26am
I believe we all want to feel better, on some level at least. It's just that there are a lot of things which can prevent a person from doing anything to make themeselves feel better or even want to put an effort in it. It feels normal to not want to get better because sometimes you've been wanting to feel better for so long, and it feels like nothing you do is working, and you start to feel like that wanting itself is just causing you more pain, that it would easier to just give up. Getting better is hard. When you're bad for so long, you're used to it and getting better is something stranger and somehow terrifying. However, things which feel normal doesn't mean they're good for us. Getting better is hard, because it's something good. Every good thing in life is hard to reach after all; the hardest the challenge, the better the result. Though it's hard and the easier way seems vetter, getting better is something that we all deserve.
RhinocerosWings
July 20th, 2016 8:14pm
It's completely understandable to not want to get better. This is all you know. It's all you HAVE known. Change is frightening. But it will be ok in the end. If it's not ok yet, it's not the end yet.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 2:09pm
Is it entirely normal to have trouble exercising motivation, telling yourself you will never get better, having personal speech problems. But there is solutions to this, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGuZVuUBeiQ (cool video I recommend watching), stop telling yourself you are stupid and pathetic, stop telling yourself you can't do anything, stop telling yourself it is impossible to change, because you are wonderful and amazing!
Char1otte
January 5th, 2018 3:34pm
Sometimes, the thought of feeling ‘better' can raise many emotions and feelings. Feeling ‘better’ may be daunting for some, especially when one has experienced a negative sense of well-being for a long period of time. Being in a negative state of mind, depressed, anxious etc. can sometimes a norm, a comfort, one’s identity, and by feeling ‘better’ this is all taken away. Therefore, it is completely understandable to sometimes have the thought of not wanting to feel ‘better’. I can re-assure you, you will not be alone with this thought!! However, with support, steps, and goals in place feeling ‘better’ can be a very safe and rewarding process. A process that everyone can achieve. I wish you the best of luck with the path ahead of you. Please remember, 7cups is here to support you!
Anonymous
July 24th, 2016 10:35pm
Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. Humans are creatures of habit. It seems you have got stuck in a stagnation habit. You may have become comfortable being stagnant and you don't want to get better because of this.
LondynRose
July 10th, 2016 3:10pm
It is normal not to want to get better. When you have been unwell for a while you end up getting used to that way of life and it feels safe. The fear of the unknown makes us want to stay in our comfort zone.
listeningsinger1001
July 11th, 2016 4:07am
Yes. Yes it is. Sometimes you need to have a piece of you locked away hidden in sight that only you know about. And that is when you have it. And maybe that part of you will never be better. But it will always be there for you to look at and to have to help you when you do want to be better again.
pie
July 16th, 2016 5:56am
Normal, yes. But is it healthy? No. Many people feel comfortable in a dark place because they've been there for so long, they are afraid of happiness, etc. If you're feeling like this, though, there is still hope and you CAN get better with perseverance.
coolvibes
August 10th, 2016 9:22pm
with the idea of getting better comes changes and that can trigger the fear of expectations and possibly even failure. Getting healthier is not so, black and white. Itrhink getting healthy means accepting every aspect of one's self. The strong and vulnerable characteristics everyone hold i n their personality. getting healthy does not mean you won't ever revisit the more vulnerable side to yourself again it just means you can navigate that moment more effectively.
sereneDreamer45
September 3rd, 2016 11:44am
Yes, that's the biggest barrier to recover. You lose the motivation to get better. You convince yourself that you deserve to feel this way.(you don't ) you get so used to the way you're feeling that you forget who you were without you're illness/sadness. You feel like you won't be the same. I promise, if you can find the motivation to get better, you will do it eventually and you will still be the same person, only you'll have so many more opportunities to show off who you are. ❤
SpreadHopelikeFire
September 9th, 2016 10:01pm
Yeah, it is. Don't you worry about that thought. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" - it's a true statement.
OpenedEyes
September 29th, 2017 6:55pm
It's definitely normal but isn't the best idea. After some time of getting used to a certain lifestyle or mindest it becomes familiar, "safe" or easy. It's understand that you would choose something you know, something that feels safe, rather than trying to get betting and getting into new things or trying change. Sometimes staying in the safe zone is a poor choice regarding to how successful or happy you can truly be. Really think about, it's definitely up to you but sometimes what scares you the most is probably the better decision.
HopieRemi
July 10th, 2016 8:42am
Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. It is considered learned helplessness. You are used to where you are and you know nothing else and you really don't want to make another change.
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2016 2:00am
Sometimes we lack the will to recover or motivation to try, you may feel that its not worth it and find an odd comfort in your own sadness
orangerosess
August 12th, 2016 8:44am
It is completely normal. I have dealt with that as well. Sometimes we feel we need to be punished or we may fear change. Sometimes we just don't know what it feels like to be happy. Maybe it's none of those things and it's a mystery for you to discover.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2016 2:52am
Sure! A lot of people, especially people who are struggling with long-term illness or anguish go back-and-forth in their will and motivation to improve their well-being. Persevering is hard, even if you have the tools to get by with. We are human and we are each very different with different strengths and weaknesses, and comparing our lives to each others to determine a normality is just not fair to anyone. Normal is anything but, and every individual has a different definition of what normal means to them. How do you define 'normal'? Looking further into yourself for clues as to who you are can help you grow into yourself in a more natural way without feeling as though it's being forced. Why do you think you don't want to get better? Do you consistently not want to get better? When was the last time you wanted to get better, and how did you feel then? How do you feel when you imagine yourself 'better'? Why do you feel that way? Remember, because we are individuals it is okay for us to 'get better' at our own pace, and that may mean taking a break from trying to be better now and then too if that's what is needed. Good luck soul-searching and good on you for reaching out and asking such a great question.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2018 2:53am
Not wanting to get better can be caused by several reasons, all of which are completely valid. Once you get used to a certain situation or feeling a certain way, you can become accustomed to it, and although it might not be an enjoyable feeling, it can be comfortable to you because that's what you know. Change can be scary, because what you're used to will be different now, and there can be uncertainty about what things will be like in the future.
Millichidulinas
July 13th, 2016 12:19pm
No that's not "normal" and not a good thing. You need to have a professional help, I think.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2016 4:06pm
7 cups of tea is a very nice platform to express our feelings to those who cares.Love you seven cups
neonstars1881
July 13th, 2016 6:57pm
Yes it normal. We like to hold onto our unhealthy ways. We don't want to get out of our comfort zones. Getting better means changing,and changing is hard.
Blynng
July 13th, 2016 10:01pm
It is rather common for people to not want to get better, actually. Our minds and our bodies are structured in such a way that they are accustomed to habits. After a while, the idea of trying to get better and failing to get better becomes scarier than not trying at all. This is a sense of anxiety that a lot of people feel when it comes to the idea of hope; hope is a very scary thing to have! Sometimes, though, we have to walk the steps of what we know we need, and not what we want to need.
TaranWanderer
April 19th, 2017 6:14pm
It can be very normal! When we have been a certain way or gone through something for a long enough time, it becomes the every-day way of life. And even if it's not good for us, it's comfortable because it's familiar. It also takes time to want to get better, sometimes our bad situation/habits is doing a service for us in some for or other, and to give that up in order to "get better" means changing an important part of your life.
kindRose56
October 13th, 2017 5:18pm
From my experience, getting better requires work and sometimes it can be hard to continue to keep moving forward. It can also be scary to think about the future because we never really know what is going to happen. Sometimes we also make mistakes. We all have different coping methods, but some can be harmful then helpful in the end. It is okay to be sad sometimes, or to take some time to process something, but in the end I have found that it is best to keep pushing though. That has made me the person I am today, and I am so excited about where I am in my life at the moment.
BeTheChangeYouWant
April 26th, 2018 9:09pm
It is easier to accept what we feel is normal even if it is awful, than risk the challenge of change
Vivian4
May 2nd, 2018 8:11pm
Yes , it is completely normal cause benefits of not getting better are still great gains. You can ask yourself what you would miss or what would you loose if I’d get better.
Melissame
May 26th, 2018 7:55pm
Some people are desperate to get better while sometimes people are more comfortable with how things are and dislike change or maybe they think it will be too hard or they are scared of change or just unsure. These feelings are normal and it is your choice. Its important to consider all options and decide which one is best for your health and wellbeing.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 5:10am
It depends on the person and the circumstance. I personally know that not wanting to get better can serve as keeping the feelings/emotions to feel the way that you do, even when they may be gone.