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Is it normal to not want to get better?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 11/26/2020 at 9:05pm
Is it normal to not want to get better?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
Jakubistrashh
October 14th, 2016 4:00pm
It is very normal. You're so used to feeling the way you do that "getting better" doesn't sound like such a great idea.
coffeekitten14
October 14th, 2016 9:49pm
Yes, totally normal. You don't want to get better because you know it will be hard or because yoi kind of like the feeling of being bad.
AwakenedLove1111
October 16th, 2016 10:12pm
People are sometimes comfortable with what they are used to, even if what they are used to is not helpful to them. Sometimes it can be scary to leave your comfort zone even if it means getting better.
NyxCain
October 16th, 2016 10:49pm
Normal doesn't really exist but I know a lot of people (including myself) who have been where you are. Getting better is a lot of work and some just aren't ready for it yet.
CLUBTRBL
October 19th, 2016 11:02am
Pessimism will always affect all aspects of our lives, so it might occur to some to "not want to get better". However, as long as there's a will eventually, there's a way.
emberdanielle
October 20th, 2016 12:56am
Sometimes we find ourselves getting used to the way things are, and not wanting to change. This may be a form of anxiety, and a fear of change.. Or it may be that we don't want to let go of whatever the emotions we're experiencing remind us of. I hope that this helps, and that you get things sorted out.
starrySunshine87
October 21st, 2016 3:02am
Yes. Recovery means going through hard things and changing lots of aspects. That can lead to fear.
kindsoul129
October 21st, 2016 9:50am
Sometimes being ill, feeling sad or in pain is what we're used to; and what we get used to can become normal for us and feel reassuringly predictable. Other times our mood can be so low that it is difficult to even want to do anything - even if that means recovery. Getting better can be great but it's scary, it pushes us out of our comfort zone and forces us to confront our darkest thoughts and deepest fears. So yes, it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Remember that although getting better might seem like an impossibly tough trek it is a route of tiny little steps with lots of benches and pit-stops along the way, each giving a much nicer view than the last.
QueenPassion
October 22nd, 2016 7:53pm
Yes I understand how you feel. In my point of view I'm scared to get better in fear that I'll just get worst
Rosiexx
October 27th, 2016 3:29pm
Yes. To get better means making certain changes in our lives and sometimes that can take a lot of effort. Sometimes that may be scary, especially when we've struggled for such a long time that our struggles have become our comfort and what we are used to. Maybe it would help to jot down the reasons why you don't want to get better so you understand them better. And see how those reasons might not hold true. And ask yourself, what are the cons to being better and stronger? Jot down also the reasons you want to get better and motivate yourself with those. Maybe there are things you want to do, even small things, that you might not be able to if you don't work to get better. Also take small steps to get better, don't think you have to do it all at once. With little baby steps getting better would not feel so overwhelming
Anonymous
October 28th, 2016 3:27pm
In my opinion, there is no such thing as normal. That would imply there is something wrong if you do not conform to typical values, which there isn't. However, it can be damaging to yourself to not want to get better. It can manifest in ways to keep yourself from recovering and this is a form of self harm. If you are having concerns about this I suggest you speak to a listener and if that doesn't help perhaps seek professional advice because that way you can help yourself stop feeling this way and thus aid your own recovery.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2016 10:56pm
Yes, after feeling a certain way for so long those emotions become our norm and we slip into a routine that we are scared to break due to fear of change and what the future may hold. Accepting that getting better is the best thing to do mentally is the first step into getting a healthier mind and lifestyle!
freefromworries
November 3rd, 2016 2:01am
It can be! A lot of people are used to feeling a certain way, and change from that can be terrifying. If , you're used to feeling depressed, anxious, etc. then it can become a comfortable feeling, and therefore you might not want to get better because it's something new and scary.
Butterfly121
November 3rd, 2016 10:09pm
It is normal, often times the hardest part of getting better is finding the need to get better and making it happen.
QuietlyBurningCandle
November 4th, 2016 11:30pm
It's more common than you might think. This lack of desire often, though not always, originates from the feeling that you shouldn't be happy and healthy, possibly because you feel you don't deserve it. From experience I can say that it might make you feel alienated from other struggling people, as if you are somehow not as deserving of your current mental situation as they are. This is not true. It's not an uncommon feeling, and it doesn't make you less deserving in any way, if that is what you feel. It's just another manifestation of your mental health.
healingDreamer56
November 5th, 2016 5:48am
Well, what exactly is the definition of normal. To be very frank, there is no normal, there is only what is common and what is not. And there are so many people that think getting better will only make it worse, that this is where they are and where they should say, but, from personal experience I know that if you just talk it out and care for yourself, you will let go and allow yourself to get better. And it's so much happier in this place. However, that is a decision you must make for yourself and people here will always be supporting you no matter what decision you make.
AjVendetta
November 11th, 2016 8:17pm
it's the same as ACCEPTING FAILURE .. which doesn't really sound nice does it ?! you may try to accept the fact that if you don't wanna get better it means that you wanna just stay the same which is boring and deadly :) just go ahead do a slight change in your life and when you get a slight thrill because you became a bit more successful you will want more ! and even more :) that will help you :)
heartfulBeauty84
November 30th, 2016 1:21am
It is normal. Being depressed for a long time can make you feel a lot of pain, yet you may not want to reach out because it's hard to change or it has become normal for you. Sometimes you may also feel like you deserve to feel that way. It is best in these situations to speak to a counselor or therapist.
brilliantStrawberry
December 8th, 2016 12:26am
In some cases yes.. When you are suffering from a mental illness, i.e. depression bipolar etc it can cloud your judgement and make you believe you don't deserve to get better. But please know you absolutely deserve to be healthy and happy again.
thenormalstate
December 9th, 2016 1:53am
I think sometimes there can be guilt associated with getting better. Mental illnesses often (wrongly) convince us that we are lying about our struggles for attention, or that we simply needed to exert more effort and we could have gotten better more quickly. Not wanting to get better can sometimes be a coping strategy for avoiding that guilt. It can be helpful to remind ourselves that our illnesses are not our fault, that we are doing what we can, and that we deserve better health when it comes. We also deserve to congratulate ourselves for fighting, especially in times when we don't want to.
CircleHettie
December 10th, 2016 2:06am
Yes. Because it's easier to stay the same and not have to work towards improving. On top of this, the idea of change, or coming out the other side an all-together different person is very daunting to a lot of people. But don't be afraid. To get better means to be better and you can only benefit from things being better than they are now.
patientMountain
December 11th, 2016 3:31am
It is for some people, including myself. It can happen with a variety of illnesses. For me I'm almost afraid to not be depressed because I know how to live with it. Its something I know, its something familiar. Change is scary, even when that change is for the better. Also, depression can feel like it is apart of your identity. It may be hard to let go or want to get better because you don't know who you are when you aren't depressed. It can be hard and add a lot of stress, but its nothing to be ashamed over. Move into the unknown when you're ready, not when other people push you into it.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2016 4:27pm
Sometimes you might feel helpless and feel like giving up on everything. Everyone feels that way in some point of their life. But then it may start affecting you adversely. So even if things might seem hard hang on and don't give up and do work to make things better. When they do get better you will feel the change.
ImHereToHelpYouSee
December 29th, 2016 7:12pm
I think that it's normal. Like, there's always a stage of denial where we're either afraid of the outcome or we don't think it's possible that we can get better. Of course, rationally you know you can ( or maybe you really don't ) but there's always that doubt and it's like "Wow this is pointless."
Pandapop82
January 1st, 2017 10:23pm
It actually is, I found that with my eating disorder, I didn't want to get better, in fact I would have argued that I didn't even have an eating disorder but I did. It is however, only when you want to get better that treatment is it's most effective. Don't worry about not wanting to get better. You can do it.
KatherinewithaK
February 3rd, 2017 8:21am
Yes, sometimes people are afraid of change, and getting better does take change. It's okay to have mixed feelings about change. It's also common to believe that getting better is a far-fetched dream, but believe me it isn't. It is completely within your reach, and one day you will look back and remember the first steps you took towards being happy and healthy and you will be proud of yourself.
Anonymous
February 9th, 2017 4:25pm
Sometimes getting better feels like it will take too much work or will not be worth it. It's natural to feel that way sometimes, especially because depression can make you apathetic about your life and future. But feelings aren't facts and just because you feel like trying to get better isn't worth it, that doesn't mean it's not possible for you to heal and grow and find a future you can be happy with. Speaking personally I thought I would never be able to live a life I would want and working on my health felt pointless, but ultimately when I got serious about getting help I did get my life back and it was so much better than I imagined it could be.
Theda
February 15th, 2017 2:33pm
I think it's an almost universal symptom of depression to be too tired to want to get better. I think sometimes we get used to it and our expectations reduce accordingly.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2017 6:50am
It is okay to not want to get better, because your still in the process of learning. But you won't always want to be stuck forever. Somewhere along the line you will get tired of feeling down and want to get better and be happy again.
heyadelina
February 18th, 2017 12:02pm
Absolutely! It's normal to want to stay sick, and even normal to wish that you were more sick. We can become attached to our problem or diagnosis and feel like it is a part of us, and sometimes we can find comfort in that. Sometimes we also wish that we were more sick so that we would require more attention, compassion and care. It is very normal, but know that you are not your illness or your problem. It is just something that you are dealing with right now, and you are a person outside of it.