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How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?

261 Answers
Last Updated: 05/18/2022 at 2:00pm
How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?
★ This question about Relationship Stress was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
BeautifulSoul80
July 29th, 2015 5:17pm
In my experience, we all have insecurities about something. When I feel insecure about a relationship, I typically take a few minutes to journal what specifically is causing my feeling insecure. Most of the time, initially I find that the insecurity is pointed at my partner, and after journaling for a while, I find out the real reason behind my feeling. Sometimes it's because I haven't done enough to take care of my own needs. Sometimes it's because of a past relationship that was toxic. The good news is, I can typically get what I need by going for a walk outside, reading a book, talking with a friend, or another trusted advisor. The key for me to help lessen my feeling of insecurity is to take personal inventory of what it is I need, remind myself that I'm not in a toxic relationship, and not blame or punish my partner in any way for my own feelings.
clariageorge
July 25th, 2015 5:39am
Insecurity in a relationship can be a sign of uncomfort within a relationship. You could always approach your partner about how you feel and try to work from that point onwards.
AboveAllisLove
July 24th, 2015 10:42am
Well, that's a very vague question :) What makes you feel insecure? If it's your partner, then you'll have to rethink the whole relationship! Relationship is about being relational- hopefully, positively relational. But that's not always the case, is it? It's a struggle to love yourself if the one you love makes you feel incompetent. If your partner doesn't treat you amazingly, for no reason at all, then leave the relationship. If it does not make you happy, simply leave. If it's an issue with yourself, well, maybe work yourself out first before getting in a relationship. Loving yourself may look daunting for now, but believe me, it's even harder to love when you cannot even love yourself :) Looking for a positive relationship? Just leave me a message :)
livefree24
July 22nd, 2015 5:23am
you can stop being insecure by having respect for yourself. Having respect for yourself, your body and your significant other will change things. You need to be able to voice your opinion and make sure the relationship is two ways, not just one person dictating on what happens.
interestingUnicorns12
July 22nd, 2015 3:04am
You have to start by working on yourself. Thats a problem you have that is coming out in the relationship you're in right now. Speaking from prior experience better yourself, and control your thoughts. We all get negative thoughts but we are stronger than our mind. The mind will always play tricks on you. Unless you have reasons for feeling insecure.
Toeknee
July 16th, 2015 4:34am
You need to work on yourself and realize that you are a great person to be with. Know that the person you are seeing is with you for a reason. Jealousy and insecurities ruin relationships
Tinkerbell1990
July 12th, 2015 9:00pm
ask yourself if someone was checking up on you how would you feel. walk in someone elses shoes for a minute and decide what you would feel. if you ave no reason other than a bad feeling then work on learning to trust
lovelyOcean15
July 9th, 2015 7:22pm
To me, everyone is probably insecure in a new relationship. But as time goes by, insecurity would decrease.
Lucie27
July 8th, 2015 1:28pm
In my relationships, I've always felt very insecure- so this is a question I can really relate to! Its helpful to remind yourself that your partner is with you because they choose to be. They could leave you, but they dont... they want to be with YOU and nobody else. It helps me to remember this when I feel anxious about how things are.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2015 1:23am
It depends on the situation. If you and your partner and treating each other well, yet you feel lesser or inferior to them, you should consider taking some time to yourself. No, that doesn't necessarily mean breaking up if you are happy with this person. But the first step to a healthy relationship is independent confidence. If your partner is bringing you down emotionally and/or physically, find the strength to end it. It will be hard at first. You will want to sob. You will regret it. But then, looking back, you won't regret it. You'll smile and realize you did the right thing. If you are happy with your relationship, you are confident, and your partner treats you well, there can still be other outside stressers like people who judge you as a couple or unapproving family members. Either overcome and learn to work past these negative comments or hear out those doubters because, if they are loved ones, their input may be more valuable than you think.
MarcusAM
November 18th, 2014 2:47am
Develop clear lines of communication with your partner. This is the key to any type of trust. If you communicate that it makes you feel uncomfortable in any given situation by using I feel statements you are more likely to receive a positive response that will help the situation become healthier for both of you.
RalphBG
December 9th, 2014 6:36am
Talk to him or her about it, and come up with a solution that will help you, and that your boyfriend or girlfriend is okay with.
Erynn
December 19th, 2014 7:53am
It can help to explore your insecurities. What thing(s) are you afraid of happening? Many insecurities can be best dealt with on your own through: journaling, self-soothing, positive self-talk, distractions, and taking actions to do positive things in your relationship (plan dates, write cute notes, cuddle, have a movie night, go for a walk together, things you enjoy). Sometimes though, our insecurities need to be addressed as a team. It helps to let your partner know what you are afraid of, what you have been doing or want to do on your own to help reassure and comfort yourself, and ways that you think they might be able to help. Your partner might be able to: hold you, tell you they love you, do nice things with you... Be wary though of asking your partner to stop doing things like seeing other people, talking to certain people, or doing things they enjoy. This might be useful in some situations, but it's typically best to try other solutions first.
StormyAngles18
December 17th, 2015 12:36am
well first, communicate with your partner about your insecurities and see if they can help you and see what can be done OR see if you can find your triggers of you feeling insecure and try to overcome them.
ListeningOak
August 15th, 2015 8:45am
I'm always an advocate of open and honest communication with ones partner, talk to them about what your concerns are.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 1:57am
Just talking helps most of the time! Even if you don't have much courage to do so, I doubt your loved one will mind if you talk.
Drimezan
August 16th, 2015 10:31am
It takes change to stop being insecure in your relationship. Being able to trust more your partner, not allowing your doubts to creep in your thoughts and being more understanding to your partner's need are just some ways. Consider also personal issues that might cause your insecurities and share that to your partner. A partner who understands will work with you to help you get through it but it will not work if you will not be willing to change.
heycrysteezy
August 16th, 2015 3:00pm
I struggle with this every single day. I talk with my therapist about it regularly, and something I learned is that it's a two way street. They shouldn't give you room to feel insecure, but at the same time, you should also work on some things within yourself. As long as the two of you are putting in the effort, you'll get to the place where you feel more comfortable and secure. If something happens that makes you feel insecure, be sure to voice it. "That makes me feel -this way.-"
Anonymous
June 20th, 2015 5:38am
You talk to your significant other to clear things out. It helps when you're both on the same page in the relationship.
NattyByNature
June 20th, 2015 12:12am
Confess to your partner about your insecurities , or a friend or family member or maybe even a councilor
Axks
June 19th, 2015 11:14pm
Trust the other person in said relationship to have a good enough reason to care for you. Questioning your position in a relationship is helpful only from time to time. Constantly doing so makes you come up with reasons to doubt yourself, while the best thing about a relationship is to be able to stop being actively aware of who you are while in it, because, be it friendship, be it love, a relationship is a warm place for people to be themselves together.
bouncyGrace79
December 13th, 2015 12:28am
Telling your partner about your insecurity might relieve some pressure. Also, signs of insecurity will come out sooner or later, so it'll be less awkward, when your partner knows that side of your personality. Don't be ashamed of what you feel and tell your feelings the people you trust.
lovepaige
December 13th, 2015 3:51am
I think to stopping being insecure in a relationship is to first, try to identify the areas that are making you feel insecure. Secondly, to learn to turn your negative thoughts about yourself into positive ones and thirdly, understand that your partner wouldn't be with you if you weren't what they wanted.
7CupsOfEspresso
December 13th, 2015 5:42am
Be open with your significant other about how you feel emotionally and where you stand in your relationship.
Allisa
December 13th, 2015 4:15pm
Talk to your significant other, and tell them how you feel and listen to what they have to say, COMMUNICATION is the biggest factor in any relationship.
iouty
December 23rd, 2015 3:02pm
You can stop being so insecure in your relationship by not focusing on other people, and really focusing on you and your partner.
victoriousSoul94
December 18th, 2015 7:50pm
Have an open and honest discussion about your insecurities with your partner, often times we misread actions and words internalizing a message that isn't there. The only way to have a happy and healthy relationship is through honest communication with your partner.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 4:09pm
Insecurity is something that is extremely personal, because it depends on you and your feelings towards yourself and the situations around you. I can relate to feeling insecure because it is something I struggle with every single day, even in my relationship too. Personally, I have simply talked to my partner about it and since they know me better than anyone and they know my weaknesses and strengths and so they know that they just need to give me a little more reassurance about things every now and again and they do, which is helpful to me and keeps me feeling safe and secure in the relationship and in general. Dealing with insecurity is a very difficult thing and it's not just an off and on switch kind of thing, it's an ongoing challenge... It's something I work at constantly and I'm constantly getting better.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 5:27pm
Talk to your partner about it and they can help you feel more comfortable with the relationship. Though there are probably many other ways.
iListen
June 19th, 2015 12:15pm
I think its innate for humans to feel a little insecure sometimes. But for some of us, the insecurity may not last for just a little while. Sometimes the insecurity gets to an unhealthy level and paralyzes us or worse, those around us. We tend to focus so much on our own flaws that we fail to realize how much we are affecting the people who truly care about us. Insecurity is something that will take a lot of time, effort and love to get over with. I believe the first step to overcoming our insecurities is to open up and allow the people close to us to help us. Not only that but we should also learn to trust the people we love.