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How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?

260 Answers
Last Updated: 05/10/2022 at 7:03am
How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?
★ This question about Relationship Stress was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
July 25th, 2015 8:09pm
Be completely honest! When being honest, there aren't any secrets between you, allowing you to feel closer together.
July 26th, 2015 4:30am
communication is really important! let your partner know how you're feeling and you both and support eachother :)
July 29th, 2015 12:18am
First of all, ask yourself what makes you feel insecure. A relationship is built on 4 important things: Trust, Communication, Understanding and Honesty. If these are missing then the relationship is bound to crumble. Furthermore, sometimes we tend to be insecure due to our own personal experiences e.g. past relationships. Take time and figure out what you want from your relationship and communicate those feelings and thoughts with your partner.
July 30th, 2015 4:12pm
You can talk to your partner about your insecurities and have them reassure you. You can make a list of the ways your partner shows they care when your insecurity is starting to take over.
July 30th, 2015 9:27pm
Be yourself. Stop letting the other one put you down, speak up for yourself. What you think should matter more than what the other one thinks.
July 31st, 2015 1:01am
Be open with your significant other. Open up to them like you wouldn't to anyone else. Enjoy every second with them and ask them to do the same with you.
July 31st, 2015 4:48pm
Sometimes the best way to overcome insecurity is to start by focusing on the areas of yourself you DO like. Once you're able to appreciate the great parts of you, it can be easier to forgive yourself for your faults or weaknesses. And always remember: no one's perfect, and we're all works in progress. Always allow yourself to be human.
July 31st, 2015 8:53pm
Insecurity is often about seeing problems that don't exist in relationships, then feeding them, allowing them to take hold and create monsters. Focusing on the good that is there is a good way to combat insecurity. Often times it only seems like the problems that create insecurity are destructive because the good things are overlooked.
August 1st, 2015 2:44am
You can stop being insecure by learning to believe in your strengths to build confidence as you acknowledge what is difficult you can learn to let go of things out of your control.
August 1st, 2015 1:27pm
Firstly, if you are insecure you should never start investigating your partner in a creepy way. Because that will only cause you more pain and will drive you crazy ending up in senseless ideas. The best thing you could do is talk to your lover about it, talk to them about what you are feeling lately and ask them to be honest with you. If they lie to you, it's their problem. Not yours, because you have done what you had to.
August 1st, 2015 1:37pm
This was a huge thing for me as well in the beginning of my current relationship. The only thing you can do is reassure yourself when you're unsure and have faith and trust in the person you're with. Also it helps to tell your partner how you're feeling this way they can help to reassure you as well. It takes time but with hard work and determination it does get easier.
August 2nd, 2015 3:53pm
You need to have equal trust. Without trust a relationship will fall so it's best to think positive
August 5th, 2015 3:37pm
By living in the moment and by believing that you're indeed worth of the love that you're receiving in this relationship. The more we trust in our own worth, it reflects in our relationships and how secure we're in them. Also, not to believe the story that our mind tells us all the time.
August 5th, 2015 7:45pm
The best way to stop being insecure, is to allow an open channel of communication with you partner. No matter what your feelings are, it's best that you tell your partner upfront about it without sounding harsh or bitter. It's best to explain what you are feeling and why exactly you feel that way. That would help them understand the reasons for your insecurity and they may be able to work something out to make you feel better.
August 6th, 2015 12:09pm
Relationship stuff can be hard, but just know, if you love your partner it gets easier, there shouldn't be any gaps and/or awkwardness in relationships so just put your faith in him/her and tell what you're feeling. Opening up to your loved one always feels good.
August 6th, 2015 8:27pm
I feel a "quick fix" to this is to take a step back and think "why did this person choose me?" This will not only boost your confidence but it will give you reassurance in what your partner sees in you. Thus, allowing you to be more secure in the relationship.
August 7th, 2015 8:26pm
I think that the person who is in a relationship with you is in that relationship with you for a reason
August 8th, 2015 10:02am
You need to understand that being insecure isn't what relationships should be about. I'm sure you have a caring partner who understands you. You should tell yourself that you don't need to be insecure around him/her. I'm not quite sure what it is that you're insecure about (about the partner, your looks, yourself) whatever it is, just learn to be free and yourself around your partner and that is what will give you true happiness. Remember nothing is impossible and sharing your insecurities with your partner may help :)
August 8th, 2015 4:03pm
Being insecure (to a certain extent) is normal. Everyone has their fears but if you are incredibly insecure about your relationship, then you should take a step back. Taking a step back and identifying what makes you feel that way is vital for your mental health as well as your relationship. You need to be honest and open with your partner about how you are feeling, then figure out a solution to what you have talked about. Being insecure is a part of life, but not something that you should be constantly worrying about. If you are afraid to talk about it with your partner, then maybe your relationship is abusive and you should get help from someone you trust.
August 9th, 2015 6:56am
If you are feeling insecure, you need to ask yourself what is it that is making you feel that way. Evaluate the relationship whether its together or alone. You can't change anyone else, but you can work on your feelings and work on whats best for you.
August 9th, 2015 1:21pm
One good way to stop being insecure in relationships is to know that whatever the other person does is not about you, it's about them. Continue to focus on what you want in life and who you are, and ask yourself if the person you're with is helping you move forward or causing you to move back.
August 9th, 2015 11:31pm
try not to think that the relationship is all about "you". don't feel paranoid over nothing. stop being dependent on anyone but yourself
August 12th, 2015 12:40pm
Always be up front with your partner- if you have concerns, ask them. You shouldn't have to dance around your insecurities in a relationship :)
August 12th, 2015 3:33pm
Focus on your positive aspects and your strengths; recognizing that none is perfect and there are challenges and obstacles in every relationship
August 12th, 2015 10:15pm
talk to your partner and try speaking about why you fell insecure, and just talk to them try to figure out things you find unconfutable and explain this to your partner.
August 13th, 2015 8:17am
Once you realize that you're a beautiful human being with a charming personality you will realize that may, just maybe this person that you're in a relationship with is within the same "league" as you and that you should have nothing to be insecure about.
August 13th, 2015 4:59pm
Clear and open communication is important in any relationship. If you have insecurities, it's best to discuss these with your partner, and together you can come up with solutions for how best to reassure your anxieties.
- Expert in Relationship Stress
August 13th, 2015 6:18pm
Trust and Faith in yourself. Knowing you are doing your best to make the relationship blossom is all you can do. If you don't take the leap of faith and trust in yourself, your relationship will wither. If you are feeling insecure, identify WHY and ask yourself if this person is the reason for your insecurity or is it something else. Insecurity is normally the by product of a past issue, yet we allow those insecurities to dictate our future relationships and how we react to normal situations in erratic ways. (ie "I texted him, he didn't text me back, He MUST be cheating on me! That's how my last boyfriend did me!" So, now, some poor fella's probably trying to take a poop and his girl keeps on blowing up his phone because of how her last boyfriend was, now he gets to suffer with her insecurity).
August 14th, 2015 12:20pm
Talk w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend about your insecurities. A good relationship needs trust. Be happy
August 15th, 2015 8:45am
I'm always an advocate of open and honest communication with ones partner, talk to them about what your concerns are.