Why am I so shy around big crowds, but when I'm with one friend than I'm fine?
Last Updated: 12/10/2021 at 12:46am
Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor
Licensed Professional Counselor
I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.
Top Rated Answers
Have no fear, you are sooooo not alone in this. When I'm with my friends, I can be super confident and laugh a lot and be generally merry, but put in a room full of strangers, and bam. I've turned into a sad little muffin who avoids eye contact at all costs. For me, at least, I feel like it's because I trust my friends not to judge me. I know they're not going to look at me and say "Eew, you have acne," or "She is such a loser." I feel safe with them, like nothing can touch me, because I know they have my back. Lots of people, however, even people I'm acquainted with, can cause me to freak out that they're all silently judging me, or only pretending to like me. I feel like a lot of people have this issue, but try not to worry about it. Chances are, people are not trying to pick out your every flaw.
It sounds like you might have social anxiety, which is when you feel really nervous and shy around social situations when there are lots of people to interact with. Try reading this wikipedia for more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety
Could be that you are, even though unknown to you, an empath. Empaths usually communicate better with one or two people because they can tune into the energy. However, get us around more than about 6 people and we will slowly get to a level of empathic overload, causing us to just shut down in an effort to keep ourselves sorted.
I'm the exact same! I have 3 really close friends, and they're the only people (apart from my family) who know what I'm really like. When I'm with them, I'm happier and I smile way more and talk sometimes too! But when I'm placed into a classroom full of people, you would find it hard to get a peep out of me unless you ask me a question (even then, it's very quiet!) I just don't like so many eyes being focused on me and judging me, and I feel so out of place because I know in my mind that nobody understands what I have to go through!
I don't know about you, but I feel like people are actually listening to what I'm saying when I'm only with one person, and when I'm with a crowd, I more often feel excluded.
Big crowds can be daunting, and you can feel like the whole world is silently judging your every move. You may find you then put a lot of pressure on yourself because of this. This is mostly why it's easier to talk with one friend, you get recognition, instant feedback from body language etc, feed off their responses and you know what they are generally thinking. You feel less pressure, and less judgment, Nonetheless, there will be times when you have to present/talk to big crowds. From my times as a presenter, I learned that things are never as bad as you think they are. It is very nerve racking, everyone gets a bit nervous - even Frank Sinatra admitted he has nerves before a show! So take a breath, a deep breath... relax, and have faith in yourself :)
I wouldn't say I'm 'shy' around big crowds, I feel my own personal social anxiety makes it stressful to not only hang out in a crowded setting, but even anticipate socializing with a group of people. It's something I'm working on through self therapy and different medications, so far nothing has helped - but I stay optimistic! Just gotta find the right method for me :)
You are probably an introvert and this is normal. Many people (introverts) are not inclined to deal with big and noisy crowds. They go for quiet places or certain people, and they even need some time alone every now and then.
big crowds can be filled with strangers, and strangers can be scary to talk to, especially when you have any type of anxiety
In a smaller group it is easier to be heard without putting in a whole lot of effort to be seen. In a group there is more pressure to get people to notice you and really hear you.
That's simply your personality, and it's perfectly normal to feel that way. Plenty of people (if not most) are more comfortable with a close friend or two, rather than navigating the social confrontation sea of big crowds, and it sounds like you're one of them. Big crowds can be intimidating, especially if you don't know everyone, because one's attention is split between so many individuals at one time, and because there's such a pressure to converse (paradoxically, there can also be a pressure -not- to converse if you're fearful of attention). I don't blame you for being shy around big crowds-- I'm a little bit that way myself. (:
That you can only answer it yourself. You know how it makes you feel and you can decide to face the fear
To me, this is one of my "features" as an introvert. Big crowds overload me and make me anxious. Being with one person makes it feel private/intimate and really cosy! I feel like I can focus on that person better and have great talks that I only want that person to know about. It's great!
You may be feeling shy because the amount of people can overwhelm you. Being with one friend can make you feel more safe as they have your full attention.
Maybe because you're scared about what others could think of you. But when you're with your friend you're sure that he/she is there for you and he/she doesn't what to judge you or hurt your feelings.
Why you could be shy around big crowds is because to you it may feel very overwhelming or stressful, if you feel this way you may be experiencing anxiety over big crowds.
People tend to be more relaxed around family and friends because you are familiar to them. People are normally more confident and themselves around people they trust
Being around big crowds puts yourself out there to be judged and scrutinized by others. Perhaps you feel more relaxed around your friend because the threat of judgement isn't present when you're around them.
When you're with a friend, you know you can be yourself 100%. But in a crowd of people you don't know, it's hard to be open about who you are, making you shy.
Maybe because you haven't accepted yourself completely so you get anxious in front of other people. Think, what is it that you feel you lack in yourself? Why do you think people will judge you? Everyone lacks something or the other, no one's perfect. So everyone is at the same par. But not everyone is shy. If you love and accept yourself, it will be easier for you to open up in front of people,which in turn will make people accept you the way you are and you'll become more likeable.
Well I think a lot of people feel shy near strangers, it's a lot different when we are comfortable and with a few friends.
Because one friend, is different then strangers, strangers are more likely to be scarier because you don't know them and they could attack you any time, plus they're people you haven't met before so it's normal to feel this way.
You are comfortable with your friend so you feel fine. This sounds like social anxiety and may come from the fear of being turned down, embarassed, etc by strangers.
Its fear of judgement, you are comfortable around your friends because you are used to being around them but when it comes to other you get the nervous jitters and aren't sure how to act
When you are around big crowds you know you cannot express yourself openly as we fear a lot of people will judge us..but when we are with one person..we feel comfortable..we know we wont be judged by everyone..and we can nicely talk withoit being interrupted
You're scared of being judged by people you don't know, this is totally normal BUT learn to understand that not all of the attention is on you in big crowds (It's all in your head) So try and calm yourself down when you get anxious, by reminding yourself that you're safe, no one is judging me right now everybody is minding their own business, and that's all it is really. Don't over think these things. I hope this helps you in some way.
May be you are feeling over conscious. Please try to be confident. May be you are afraid about others judgement or may be you are too afraid about what others might think about or may be you think that others may not like you. Yiubare comfortable with one friend because you are not conscious here. He or she already knows you and never was judgemental about you. Please get loose of these negative thoughts. Love your self they way you are and least care about others. I'm sure everyone likes people who are string and bold and confident. Good luck!!
This sort of anxiety is pretty common. With one good friend, it's a close relationship where you don't worry about impressing them, or having anxiety about a specific action. Or it's easier to focus on one person, without sensory overload. In a big crowd (a party for example), it's a lot to take in at once. With one person listening, it's easier to see rationalization where you tell yourself it will be okay. But when it's multiplied, the stress also multiplies.
Social anxiety can cause people to feel shy around others. It’s also a common thing to be shy. You’re in a huge group of people that you may not know. It’s your brain trying to protect you from accidentally saying the wrong thing, like where you live.
For most people, not necessarily everyone, they feel small when they are surrounded by many more people and have less confidence, or feel exposed in some way. When you are with a friend, you feel more comfortable and confident and, most likely, feel a sense of protection.
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