I'm dating someone who has been cheated on. What should I do?
Last Updated: 10/30/2020 at 2:28pm
Temi Coker, MSC, MA, Dip.Cons
Licensed Professional Counselor
With over ten years experience, I offer a safe and confidential environment for you to collect your thoughts, worries & life problems with no judgement or assumptions.
Top Rated Answers
Number one thing don't treat them as damaged goods treat
Be yourself. Talking from experience, all they want from you is trust more than attention, loyalty more than anything. They have been cheated on, but, so have their feelings. You need to carefully thread those feelings weaving them into the utmost affection and love that you can ever give them. They need it, they want it, they are lacking it. Respect them. Don't judge them because they've been judged enough. Do NOT break their self-esteem, they've been stepped on for it many times earlier. And just be yourself, your complete honest self. :)
Show them they can trust you. Don't get angry with them if they get paranoid. It's hard for them as well. They want to trust you but they also trusted the one who cheated on them so they're scared.
Don't be secretive about who you meet and hang out with, and ask them to come along. Be patient with them as they might get jealous and insecure. Do not, however, accept abusive behaviour!
What you should do if someone cheated on you is to calmly talk to them about it. And ask to make sure and if so end the relationship.
Do what you can to assure them that you are not the person who cheated on them. Do your best to make them feel secure and wanted, and be sure to be open and honest with them about how you feel.
Assure them you won't cheat on them by gaining their trust. The rest is up to them -- trusting and having faith in you.
First of all, you should not treat him differently from the other people you dated. Yes, being cheated on is a hurtful experience but it does not give one more "rights" or special treatment. Just be genuine and open with your date. Listen to them, try to understand their emotions, empathise and care just like you would do in a normal relationship. Remember, that you are not guilty of anything and that your partners past does not give him a right to be less trustful or suspicious of you. Just agree on always talking openly about your feelings and be honest with your partner.
Make them feel safe with you as good as you can. And keep in mind that building up trust can take some time! Try to show them and make them understand that you wouldn't cheat on them. Good luck!
Be open minded, understanding, and a good listener. They are a fragile heart that may have trouble opening up entirely. The fact that they are dating you shows how much they truly trust you with their fragile feelings. Take your role in the relationship as an important one and help them to know you are trustworthy and never want them to hurt as they did in the past.
That's a handle-with-care situation. Being cheated on leaves behind a lots of trust issues. It might affect your relationship. You need to earn their trust. Earn. Don't ever lie or be dishonest with them. In the initial phase, it might be hard to earn it, however, things will get better once you do. If you don't like something, just say so. Being lied to hurts more than anything. Even more so, when the other person is understanding or trying their best to be understanding, which they will try their best to be in this case. Moreover, being cheated on leaves self esteem issues. Try to make them feel better about themselves. Try to compliment them once in a while( but do no over do it, it may come off as being dishonest/flattering), spend time with them, try to know them gradually. They may have their doubts about things, but don't take it to heart. Give them their space and time. Don't rush into things, take time yourself as well. They may be a little on edge due to their previous experience. Try not to get disheartened by that. It may take time but once you have ensured that you are safe for them, trustworthy and someone they can lean on, they may provide you with such warmth, love and care which you may have never experienced.
That's a really difficult question. I've experienced exactly the same situation and I have to say it's quiet hard to deal with it. It's really important to show compassion and understanding. Try to imagine you are walking in his/her shoes and how you'd try to cope with it. Think about all the emotions you have to manage and of course the pain he/she went through. Maybe this will help you getting along with it,
Just make sure to reassure them that you're not going to follow in the footsteps of their previous partner. Reassure them often that you love them and try not to get too frustrated if they are paranoid at first x Don't sacrifice your happiness for them, but just be gentle with them
Keep honest with them. Be sweet and caring to them and depending on the number of times they've been cheated on, be ready to prove to them and their wounded jealousy that they're all that's on your mind. If you end up having to break up with them, Wait before you get with anyone else, so that they know they really mattered to you. Most of all, Don't give them a reason to think you want someone else. Kiss them in front of the person they're jealous of and think you're into, Show any evidence of having turned someone down for a date or anything. Obviously the less times they've been cheated on the less you have to do, but each thing you do to reassure them eases their fear a bit, if they're afraid of it, Or if they've been cheated on so many times they expect it, it gets them closer and closer to believing that you care about them. The best answer is just to not cheat on them too. Don't become just another person to cheat on them. And make it clear that you have no intent to be.
Do not do anything to loose their trust, and know that it may take a while to gain it. Ultimately it is their responsiblity to heal rom the wounds of a past partner and try not to project past issues on to new relationship.
In this case, this person might have trust issues. It's important to respect the possible emotional trauma that this person has experienced. You might see your partner being a little insecure and it's important to establish a healthy dynamic between the two of you. I've heard of certain situations where such a person might ask you to do things you might not be comfortable with, such as sharing email passwords or looking through your text messages. It's important to talk about setting boundaries, but also ensure that both of your needs are being fulfilled.
Communication and trust is the key to a beautiful relationship. Have patience with your new partner and allow the relationship to flourish. Being cheated on is a painful experience but allow it to flow at a steady place
Try to talk to her/him and if you don't feel comfortable you should try to leave it behind because it's hurting you someday
Move ahead with this relationship with time and patience. Trust needs both. Try to encourage your partner that you are NOT the past mate who cheated and count every step your partner takes in trusting you as a positive reinforcement to your relationship. Someone who is able to get over the past and look positively to the future is worth working with in a committed and lasting future!
Just know that it's going to be hard. They are going to bring baggage from past relationships. Remember this quote, "Baggage may only feel like an insulator against future pain, but it’s only the perception of self-control that makes as feel protected." Be prepared. There could be self-doubt, paranoid about infidelity, comparing you to past lovers, building walls (not opening themselves to you completely, shutting you out), and holding back commitment. Just be prepared. There will be times that you'll be frustrated and angry at your partner. If it gets out of control and you feel like you done everything that you can to ensure them that you're not like that other person and you would never hurt them but they constantly questioning you and they just can't get through the past, then it's time to take a step back. Ask yourself if you really want to constantly prove your loyalty. If you can okay with the fact that they can't fully put their trust in you because of some past lover. Then based of your answer, the relationship will either over or it's back on.
You show them you won't cheat on them and earn their trust. Saying it is one thing. Showing it is another
You should show how much this person means to you emotionally and physical. Let them know you love them and don't want to hurt them.
Make sure that you remind them everyday that you support them and their every thought and that you will be with them every step of the way. Tell them how much you care and how open you are to them for them to vent to you about anything.
When someone got cheated in past, then his trust part would be fragile one and he would be cautious to trust other person. In such situation, you could try to provide emotional support to the person and allow him the time to trust you. It will need perseverance.
I would be patient and understanding, towards their feelings. I would respect their boundaries if there appear to be some and I would wait for them to come around, and feel as if that they can trust me.
Many people have been betrayed in past relationships and it may be hard to trust again. With that being said, they have willing entered into a relationship with you which means there is a level of trust between you two. Be understanding of their insecurities but do not let them become toxic. Being a faithful and loyal partner is not always easy but neither is being in a relationship. I suggest the age old method of treat them as you wish to be treated
He or she might have a fragile heart and lack of self-esteem, they need sense of security and love. I guess the best you can do is to show your love constantly.
Be very supportive and understanding. This person will most likely have some trust issues for a while, and you've got to be willing to work with that, but over time, it'll get better.
To be honest, I don't think that there is anything you can do other than be yourself. If they have been cheated on in the past, its highly likely that they have been told that they are the one, there is no one else and they love that person before etc. But then cheated on this person regardless. Saying that again although true to you, will probably not be believed by the other person because it has happened before. As the old phrase goes, "actions speaks louder than words" and I think it is extremely relevant here. Just show that person the most love and the most compassion you possibly can, be there for this person no matter what and prove to them that this person is the only one and that there is no one else. Sooner or later the "barrier" and issue of being cheated on previously will disappear and it will no longer be a present problem with this person and you will be both better off for it :)
That's a great question if you are looking to learn to have the best tools on how to help them if they need any support having gone through something really unpleasant. I think it's all down to communication which is asking and talking and trying and then getting feedback on how you are doing and if you are doing the right things for them to make them feel safer. And the only person whom you can and need to ask that question to is the person you are dating. Only they can tell you how to help them and also what kind of help they need and if they need any help at all or just important things you should know to help them feel comfortable regarding that past traumatic event. Nobody but that person can tell you what they need and is best for them and it's simple to know by just asking them and seeing if they are keen communicators as well, who want to be proactive and tell you what you need to know. Communication needs two to tango. Good luck
Related Questions: I'm dating someone who has been cheated on. What should I do?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?