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is it a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you?

309 Answers
Last Updated: 04/22/2020 at 11:38pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
JakeT36
August 27th, 2017 9:24pm
Absolutely not. That's perfectly normal - for a time. You have to eventually move on, and find someone who will love you back.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2017 8:12pm
Having feelings for someone that you were in a relationship with is understandable, feelings can't just be switched off. But don't let those feelings hold you back from living your life looking to the future
SpunkyMonkey100
September 4th, 2017 10:17am
not at all. i think it's quite natural to still have feelings for someone who you previously shared a relationship with, as they had such a significant impact on your life and left such an impression on it. however, although not necessarily a "bad" thing, it could possibly become a hinderance for you to move forward and develop future relationships with others.
JustAnotherPersonOn7Cups
September 20th, 2017 7:08am
It may be worth while to question if you love the person or the memory / idea of the person. Separating these two perspectives of love may assist with your ability to assess why it is that you're holding on to this idea of love.
Chiipurple04
October 24th, 2017 2:27pm
No it's not a bad thing. Once you loved someone, even if you or the other person who decided to leave the relationship that doesn't mean the love you had for that person will also fade immediately. It takes time. And there were also some instances wherein your love will not fade at all, it'll be there but not as a priority anymore. Staying in love becomes a bad thing when the love you have for that person is becoming a threat for yourself in knowing your worth as an individual, when you're already loving that person without thinking that it already harms you, maybe not physically but psychologically and emotionally.
Maryska
November 3rd, 2017 5:40am
This is a challenging question. It is reasonable and okay to still have strong residual feelings for someone, even after you break up. However, these feelings still need to be addressed and dealt with. Allowing them to hold you back from moving on is where this becomes detrimental.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 1:01pm
You may always love those who you loved before. It’s just important not to go back to those you have loved if the treatment was poor.
MayaRainbow2
November 11th, 2017 1:45pm
It is not bad! You loved that person dearly, it doesn’t automatically happen overnight to love them less. Over time you may still love them however not as much as you did. Best wishes :)
Anonymous
November 15th, 2017 1:16pm
It isn't a bad thing. It just might be a little hurtful for you, but always hold out for the possibility that you will be together again and that they will come back to you.
alexwolfgirl87
November 16th, 2017 7:02am
of course not. It takes a while to heal. i know because i am someone who is currently going through the same situation.
Krizma
November 16th, 2017 1:07pm
I think it's not great to be in love with someone who left you. There are so many people out there. And if that someone left you then they probably don't know your worth. It's not a bad thing unless it's affecting you negatively. You can be friends with them or cut ties. You know what suits you
naycopax
November 17th, 2017 1:43am
I think that is a normal feeling to be experiencing. Getting over someone even after they have left you is one of the hardest things you have to do in life.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2017 12:58am
No, love is something you can’t control, and it isn’t wrong to love someone who left you. You should’nt be mad at yourself for not moving on. These things take time.
SereneDancer21
November 24th, 2017 6:53am
It is neither good or bad...it is just something that takes time to work through at your own pace.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2017 7:22pm
No. This just means that they were incredibly important to you. You will feel for them for a long time but it weakens. You will always remember them also.
SleepingBeautifully
December 10th, 2017 4:50am
It depends on why the person left you. It's normal to still have feelings for someone who you're no longer with, it might even stay like that for a while. Hopefully those feelings will go away sooner or later whether it's just getting over the person or finding someone new. It takes time.
D8Dub
December 13th, 2017 3:53pm
Doesn't exactly sound like love to me...in my opinion, that's more of a wanting what you can't have kind of thing...I only say this because I've been in similar predicaments in the past. So yeah, just think about that for a wee while. Is it really love? Or is it the aforementioned wanting something (or rather, someone) that is currently unattainable? My apologies if this answer upsets you.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2017 10:30pm
No, it isn't a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you but you have to learn to love them from a distance while taking care of yourself. Begin focusing on healing yourself and eventually loving that person from a distance won't seem or feel so bad. Healing yourself will also open new doors for new people to love and cherish you.
SingedPaws
December 23rd, 2017 2:26am
It's not bad, but you have to let yourself move on and heal. It didn't work out and that's okay you will find someone new.
valerie2197
December 30th, 2017 7:55am
It would be really difficult on you if you stayed in love with someone who left you. Your happiness is still dependent on the person, and they have the power to make you feel completely miserable. You deserve to love someone who will also love you back and treat you with the respect you deserve. That being said, stopping yourself from loving someone is incredibly difficult so don't be hard on yourself if you can't manage it immediately!
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2018 8:22am
Its not ideal but it is normal, especially if youre the one whos been left behind. But you should try and distance yourself from the person and make measures to move on in your life. If you dwell on it it can only end in more heartbreak and suffering
Rafi
January 3rd, 2018 12:37pm
if somebody doesn't want or care about you anymore, you dont need to keep clinging on the past and just move on, its hard to do so sometimes but you will with given time and you will find someone else eventually, so dont let your self get stuck in that emotion swamp while you can hold on the rope to get yourself out, its only you who can do that.
Tomakingtheworldbetter
January 4th, 2018 2:50am
It is not a bad thing, as you loved him/her. It is only human to feel the need to be with the person. But as of my opinion it is better to let go. It will do less harm.
ThehunTheGreat
January 4th, 2018 11:56pm
Well it depends. Being loyal to someone is a great thing. But being loyal for so long without any possibilities of that person coming back, will surely hurt you. So pick one.
Anonymous
January 5th, 2018 8:35pm
Loving someone is never a bad thing but eliminating your chances of being happy just because you love someone that is not in your life anymore, is a bad thing.
Sarahflutes
January 6th, 2018 1:01pm
Feeling that you are in love with someone is never a crime. You can always feel anything but always put in mind that that person left you when you were in a desperate need for them.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2018 4:21am
It certainly isn't a bad thing. Love is a beautiful, yet painful thing. It hurts when the person you love doesn't reciprocate those feelings. When you're in love with someone that left you it can be a beneficial feeling, as it allows you to maintain a healthy relationship with that person, as long as you respect their boundaries.
lovetoff09
January 18th, 2018 4:45pm
Not at all. If someone ended a relationship with you, friend or partner unanswered questions will be floating around as well as you wanting closure. Love is a feeling that can't be helped and it is natural. Time and other friendly company may help to overcome this feeling if that's what you want to happen.
J4ck
January 18th, 2018 10:04pm
I'd say that it's quite a natural thing to do after you have invested your love and time in someone. Your feelings can stay for a while, but sometimes you just have to move forward at your own speed, take your time.
Anonymous
January 24th, 2018 6:37am
Obviously it is not ideal, but it will always take time to overcome events like that. Eventually, you will come to see that you can find someone better who loves you for who you are and will not leave you.