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Is it normal to breakup multiple times?

256 Answers
Last Updated: 12/20/2020 at 10:34am
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Top Rated Answers
LondynRose
June 14th, 2019 10:26pm
When you are first getting to know someone it is normal to break out a few times. Every step and every change in a relationship causes a shift that may change the dynamics of your relationship. Anytime this happens it's normal that there may be some kind of conflict as things are going to be different for the both of you and you are going to have to adapt to how life is now together. What isn't healthy is when you are broken up more than you are together as this signals that you are happier without each other and could be displaying codependency
ColdWarmth
August 28th, 2019 2:48am
I would say that it is completely normal because it happens very often. Is it healthy in a relationship? Not at all. If you are constantly breaking up with someone, you need to ask yourself why it keeps happening and have a discussion with your partner. Relationships are supposed to be fun, mostly drama-free and give you someone you can count on to be there for and with you through tough times. If you are breaking up a lot, it may be because you rushed too quickly into the relationship before getting to truly know the other person, so take things slower and talk things out.
AliceWithIdeas
October 8th, 2019 8:08pm
'Normal' is a odd word. I don't know how common it is to break up with someone multiple times, nor do I know if it's a sign that the relationship is doomed. I broke up with my first ex twice: once for a summer and the second time for good. That second time, we stayed best friends, and 4 years down the line, despite living in separate cities, we still are. I don't consider this relationship 'failed' because we simply realised we have needs that didn't complement each other with the kind of emotional and physical intensity that a relationship requires, and have been much stronger as friends. Consider this: hindsight is 20/20, and there are zero surefire ways to know if you relationship is doomed. However, there are some major red flags - specifically, signs of abuse, which you can do a quick google search for. With signs of abuse, I would 110% recommend cutting ties with them forever. But in all other situations, what you need to consider is this: does this relationship *deserve* to be doomed? Are we both gaining enough from this situation for it to be worth sticking it out in the long run? Are we both willing to challenge problems head on because we desire and care enough about each other, both as individuals and together as a couple? Lack of communicaton is an infamous problem when it comes to relationship troubles. Multiple break ups can indicate a severe lack of communication, where issues are constantly left to bubble under the surface and then all come out at once. What might be a good idea is either couples counselling or, if you can, simply having a quiet conversation with your partner where you state your feelings in an honest, true way. You deserve to be heard - if not for your sake, then for your partner's. There are doubtless resources for how to communicate effectively online, but the most memorable trick I have is this: every sentence should go something along the lines of 'every time you do this, I feel like this'. This takes away blame and puts the focus on feelings, allowing the conversation to be non-confrontational and therefore productive. And never think there's anything too trivial or too long ago to be worth mentioning. There's a certain taboo against 'dredging up the past' but believe me, it will be worth it for the future. If you have been hurt, you have a right to confront that however is comfortable for you. I wish you the best of luck.
Ciera88
October 20th, 2019 8:17am
It depends on what the break ups are about. If it’s about little things like him not texting fast enough or playing too much PS4 then you shouldn’t worry about it too much. If it’s on things like cheating or he’s not treating you right then you need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel. Communicating your feelings gives you a chance to explain to him how you feel and way for him to acknowledge how you feel about the situation. Overall, if you genuinely love him then you both will know what the right decision is that you’re making.
Snugglybunny642
October 24th, 2019 3:14pm
yes. Breaking up with people or a person is completely normal! It probably sucks a lot but it is life. sometimes the people you choose to date just aren't the ONE or they are bad people just in general and if you are breaking up multiple times with just one person then maybe you aren't meant to be or maybe you just need to learn to accept each others differences. breakups are the absolute worst!!! they are horrible things that no one should have to go through but, we do because it makes us stronger and the more you go through the more you'll learn and grow, even if you just want to lie in bed eating ice-cream by the tub with your bff!
silverJoy1025
November 14th, 2019 3:10pm
Yes, but when it is not harmful to you and others, and your reasons should be genuine. You have the right to choose wisely a person who you want to spend a lifetime with, but without being harmful to others and your own self. If you are doing it again and again for no valid reasons then there is something wrong and you should stop and first get resolved within your own self and your own emotions, seek for professional help, spend time alone or talk to anyone you feel close to and come back with clear thoughts that would help you not taking a wrong decision for yourself again and again.
Listeningsarinn
December 3rd, 2019 5:33pm
yes it is completely normal!!! not every relationship is going to be a long lasting one, people get to know each other and their differences and if there is problems they don't wanna deal with anymore or can't overcome them in their relationship or simply their idea changes about their partner they break up, it doesn't mean that either of them are not good enough or they are doing wrong it only means that they are humans :)
KuanH
December 15th, 2019 10:38am
Breakups happen for multiple reasons, and some are not all that apparent. It is ok to go back to find the person you feel safe with, it is also ok to move on and find new people. Breakup is just part of the process in finding new people, or discovering what you really want. It is perfectly normal in having multiple breakups, whether over a long time or over a short span. It isn't always your fault, sometimes we just happen to be with people we are imcompatible, and the breakup is just the result of us realizing our mistakes.
tranquilbear14
December 20th, 2019 1:21am
It takes time to find the right person for you or the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, so it is normal to breakup multiple times because you are going to be with different people throughout your life. While being with those people you can figure out what you like or don't like in a person, and it can give you an idea or experience of how it is to be in a relationship. Don't worry if this is happening to you a lot, finding your other half takes time and commitment. Good luck!
Pinkpunk96
January 2nd, 2020 8:10pm
Personally I don’t think that it is normal for couples to break up numerous times. In a healthy relationship the both people must be willing to keep on working in the relationship no matter how hard things can get during their time. This in my opinion is why it is so important to not start the on again off again pattern that can immerse from something like this that starts. But each relationship is different than another and no one can tell your relationship better than you can! Unless things are physically or mentally abusive! Communication in relationships is the key
Anonymous
January 9th, 2020 4:41pm
It can be abnormal. A relationship isn't healthy if y'all break up multiple times. Technically, you are pulling yourself in and out of a toxic relationship and the more y'all break up, the more toxic the relationship gets. This has happened with me and a girl in the past. Me and her were in an on and off relationship, and every time we got back together, there was a loss of trust each time we got back together, and the relationship also became more toxic. It eventually got to the point where i felt nothing for that girl and it put me in a bad spot. So, with all of that, breaking up multiple times isn't a normal thing and a very bad thing to do.
Yiding
January 30th, 2020 9:47pm
If you mean to breakup and get back together soon afterwards, yes, it's normal for couples to fight like that. It would only become a problem if either person finds someone else during that period. Ultimately, what a breakup means depends on the two of you. If both of you love each other enough, getting back together would be a natural thing to do. The events that led to the breakups are clearly areas of improvement and you should both try to work on them if you intend to keep the relationship. However, if you aren't interested in a relationship anymore, then breaking up and getting back together several times becomes a problem.
haphapz
February 7th, 2020 5:42pm
it's normal but it might not be very healthy to the relationship in the long run! i think it's important that you identify the reasons that's causing both parties to break up multiple times. then perhaps from there, both of you can work something work. it's kind of like to develop a strategy plan to work as a partner, rather than using break up as a means to solve the issue. if the core issue is never discussed, the problem won't be solved. the fact that both of you still find each other after each break up probably means that both of you can't stop thinking about each other! so i believe both of you will work something out. all the best!
kindDreamer9743
March 6th, 2020 2:59pm
It is very normal to break up several times during a life time more during the younger years especially teenage years as that's when your only starting out and finding your way through life including finding a partner who you are compatible with on many levels, this also applies to when you get older also as we don't stop growing and our minds change as our taste buds change to, I'm sure we have all heard of mid life crisis? this can happen to male and females and its often the case couples split up because of that as one or both people find they are no longer compatible at that stage of life any more, it s normal to break up as its just part of life.
Anonymous
March 8th, 2020 5:55pm
I don't think that's healthy. Maybe you should consider stay away from a unhealthy relationship like that one. I've been through that and, when I finally could let it go, I realized that, when we love someone, it's not normal to even consider breaking up, not even once... When you love someone, you only want his/her best. Trying to stay with someone when all you can think is breaking up it's not healthy, it's bad and can really damage you self esteem, your self love and can make you feel not wanted. So no, it's not normal. Is toxic and unhealthy.
tranquilWatermelon2280
March 20th, 2020 2:33am
Couples fight, sometimes over the silliest things and sometimes over big matters. But there are certain values that we shouldn't mess around with, when our significant other who is supposed to make us feel safe and loved is the reason for making us feel unsecure and hated, then it becomes crucial to end things with them, and even though we miss the person we were with dearly we shouldn't go back no matter the number of fake promises that the other person crosses, and getting back together only to end things again and get stuck in an on and off situation is not the answer to the loneliness we feel
Anonymous
April 12th, 2020 3:52am
It is very common for a break-up to happen here and there. With my personal experience, some guys just didn't meet the place where I was at in life, example: I was growing and getting more mature when he just wanted to skip school and play around. Other times it could've been from my part where I didn't do my part of the relationship. Sometimes it is hard to get to the person you see eye-to-eye with, time ticks but there is still enough time to find someone who will share those dreams and hopes with you. It is hard not to judge but if it is accomplished I found that there is more to them than what I saw at the beginning. So to answer the initial question, yes, it is perfectly normal.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2020 5:31pm
It is completely normal and the whole relationship process is completely different from everyone. In my personal experience, I struggled with multiple retreated break ups and it was difficult mainly because of the opinions of others. Everyone is different. I have leaned to not be ashamed of multiple breakups because while they may be painful, they are and have always been some of my biggest times of change for the better. Use the breakups to your advantage. Learn from your mistakes and those of others in order to better yourself and hold better standards for yourself. So yes, breaking up multiple times is perfectly normal and should not be something to be concerned about.
Espirit203
April 24th, 2020 4:22am
Yes, breakups are always difficult and the way they are portrayed in Hollywood isn't always the most accurate description. Relationships are unique to each individual, often the reason people breakup multiple times is because there is a true connection, perhaps love yet other factors get in the way such as egos, physical circumstances and family and friends. In fact, breaking up multiple times is proof that the relationship is intense as the parties cannot make a clean break and move on. It is best not to compare your relationship to 'normal' standards as there is no norm when it comes to relationships. It is up to you and your happiness if the connection is worth it.
LovingMilton2020
May 1st, 2020 6:33am
Yes, but it depends. It’s not healthy to have relationships so close together without being able to recover from the last one and if you aren’t ready for another one then you may hurt that person you’re dating because you may leave them or hurt them by being attached to your ex. It’s important to always consider others feelings and mental health. If you begun dating someone knowing you’re probably going to return to your ex or you aren’t serious with them than they may get attached and when you leave you will hurt them. Always consider yourself and others and do what’s right and what’s healthiest.
RubyDragonTea
May 27th, 2020 11:55am
Unfortunately, yes. Breaking up is really hard, and a large part of that is the thought of staying away from someone you've been so close to. The most natural thing to want is to be back, close to them again. So you go back - it's what you want. It feels right. But there was some reason it didn't work! and that reason is still there. You can take it for a while, but sooner rather than later you realize again that it's not working, and break up again. And again. And again. Breaking the cycle is so hard it almost seems impossible. My personal experience is that it will keep hurting for AGES afterwards. But not for ever. Slowly, slowly, so slowly you don't even notice, it gets less bad. You find a whole minute when you haven't thought of them. A whole hour. A day. You still remember them occasionally, but it's not as bad. Maybe one day will be the last time you think of them. I don't know. The important part is, it does get better.
Kellyishere
June 12th, 2020 3:45pm
Breaking up several times can happen in a relationship. When this happened to me, I asked myself why I got back together with my partner. This gave me clarity of how I felt about him and us. For example, my current partner, we broke up twice, but we are still together. The first time we broke up, I was sure I didn't want to be with him, mainly because he wasn't physically my type. But I got back together with him. Why? At the time I was hitting a low, I lost my job and the future seemed bleak, he really liked me and offered comfort. I told myself I am doing this for comfort. Giving me control of our relationship. And for someone who just lost their job, any control was rewarding. The second time we broke up, he asked if we were going to be serious. I said I don't know, which caused him to be upset and he left me. During our time apart, I still had my first thoughts, I was only with him because I wanted some comfort and future prospects. But I still felt hurt, I went on dates and I couldn't stop thinking about him. In the end I realised that I was attracted to him, and really wanted to be with him; the only reason why I was hesitant was because I always pictured being with a certain physical type. But when someone challenges you in the right way, make you happy, and you can do the same for them, and you are willing to fight for it. You know you have to go back It takes a few tries to find the right person. But if you find yourself constantly going back to someone, ask yourself why? and be honest with yourself.
ExistentialNihilist
June 18th, 2020 6:58am
I've seen this happen so many times with so many people. It can be the result of just feeling unsure of the person, or if a relationship is even right for you at that time. So normal, yes. But it can also be indicative of underlying issues, that keep coming up. There might be real reasons why the relationship is unhealthy for one or both partners, but attraction, love, neediness, etc. keep drawing them back together. In that cases a breakup might be best, for both. Even for partners that actually do love each other, sometimes the relationship is just not the best thing for them. It's possible to love someone but not be with them, or even need to cut off contact.
calmTurtle5171
June 18th, 2020 3:11pm
Yes but theres a reason you broke up si do your best to move on. I know it is difficult but it is usually best for you and your former partner. I suggest focusing on yourself for the better in order to move on. This will help you have a better and brighter future which will make you overall happier. As it is difficult depending on your history maybe stop talking to them or if you want to mantain a friendship possibly stop talking for a few months to move on and stop thinking of each other that way. Then come back and you can move on as friends.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2020 4:09am
It depends on what the person themselves/him/herself think about it........and, how has one taken their previous breakups; are they blaming self/others, are they in constant conflicts with self/others. Many different factors (such as biological, gentics, psychological, earlier childhood, attachment with caregivers,) may also be involved in having multiple breakups- if one has been handling their breakups well, and not letting earlier breakups affect their new relationships then that should be fine ........it differs from person to person and their own capabilities in managing emotions and situations :) If having multiple breakups is bothering the person most then, 1. making a list of the reasons, what one thinks could lead to their breakup everytime; 2. looking for pattern (are there any similarities between them) 3. How does one deal during the process and after Writing down would give a better picture of the problem and we will be able to deal with them more effectively :)
TraceListens
July 2nd, 2020 8:39am
It depends. Sometimes people can't be together and at the same time, can't be apart. If the relationship is volatile (or abusive) and you are not resolving any issues during the separations, then you may want to think about why (and whether it's in your best interest to continue). It's a good idea for some self-reflection. What are you getting out of the relationship? What makes you go back? Is ir because you can't be alone? Do you feel you can't live without them? Think about what the pull back might be. Remember that the purest love comes from yourself, so it might help to place your focus there.
Ariaaaaa
July 15th, 2020 4:43pm
It depends person to person, some relationships come back stronger after every breakup and on the other hand breakups have no effect on some. You need to figure out where your relationship stands. If every breakup makes you feel worse sometimes its better to remember what's the post important, YOU. Prioritise yourself to ensure mental growth. You cannot use excuses to mend a broken relationship and sometimes you have to think about if you are better off without the person. On the other hand communication in a relationship is very important, always remember to let you partner know what's going on and talk about how breaking up isn't always necessary, Whatever happens im sure you will be just fine:)
emtheguru
July 24th, 2020 1:31am
I don't know about it being normal or not, but I'd definitely say it's not a good sign! On and off relationships have always been, almost in every case, toxic relationships that mostly shift between dependence and a sort of realization of reality. If feelings have very drastic turns, like periods of extreme passion then periods of extreme bitterness - that's also a very bad sign that is related to on and off relationships. However, this is not a rule. There can be many reasons why to break up and or makeup. If it were circumstatial reasons (e.g. moving away, physical barriers, family pressure - basically external reasons), then breaking up multiple times shouldnt be an issue. But if it is always because of fighting, or sudden loss of interest, or maybe infidelity... Then, yes, this is a bad bad bad BAD sign! In this case, both people have become dependant on a dysfunctional relationship that will only hurt them both very much. I hope this helps!
graceyrae12
July 25th, 2020 6:04pm
Yes! Sometimes people go through things/ get into fights etc BUT that does not mean you guys don’t care about each other, if the fights are bad and toxic then I would say it’s not normal, but if it’s normal healthy fights i wouldn’t worry too much about it. Sometimes you just have to get time by yourself and if that means breaking up a couple of times that is okay! Sometimes things come at you fast. I think it’s pretty normal though as long as it’s a healthy break up each time and even if it’s not... that is still okay!
Solome24
July 26th, 2020 6:35am
I think breaking up multiple times can be a sign that there's a recurrent problem in the relationship that is not getting addressed. It would be helpful to look at the reasons why the breakups occurred and see if you can prevent those things from happening again. So I would say yes, breaking up multiple times can happen in relationships, but it's usually not characteristic of a healthy relationship. If you've broken up multiple times, that's a pattern that should be looked at closely to see if it's likely to happen again. Breaking up multiple times means the parties are not likely on the same page, so open, honest, sincere communication is key when going forward.