April 30, 2016
Moving on from a relationship isn't simple. Proceeding onward is simply a question of putting the past behind us. That is to say, you need to proceed onward? Simply disregard the past! Get over it. Look ahead to what's to come. Keep yourself occupied with different things.
Regularly, we think we have proceeded onward yet we haven't. Supposing you have proceeded onward and having truly proceeded onward are two separate circumstances by and large. In the previous, you keep on living under the shadow of that individual or relationship without acknowledging it. You think you have been freed however truth is you are as yet living in a mental jail as you continue contemplating the individual and past recollections. This keeps you from getting new things throughout your life.
For you to move on, you have to first know whether you have moved on or not. Here are 12 signs to tell if you have not moved on:
1. When you think of the person more often than not.
2. When you think about him/her even though you don’t want to.
3. When you keep mentally reliving past memories with him/her, usually the happy/sweet ones.
4. When he/she comes to mind the first instant when you are down and out.
5. When you still have questions and resignations about the past. You wonder what could have been or why didn’t it turn out a certain way.
6. When you assign blame for the way things turned out, whether it’s to him/her, yourself or the circumstance.
7. When thought/sight of him/her trigger certain emotional reactions, such as aversion, anxiety, frustration, resignation.
8. When you keep trying to improve yourself because you feel you were not good enough (for him/her).
9. When you have a desire to spite him/her, as a way of making him/her regret for whatever happened.
10. When you often bring up the person in your conversations, even when there is no relation.
11. When you have a desire or urge to contact him/her even though you previously told yourself you didn’t want to.
12. When you find yourself living out the same looping patterns.
If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here are 10 steps to start moving on:
1. Practice releasing regrets.
It's enticing to harp on what you wronged or what you could have done another way. This may appear to be beneficial—like you can some way or another change things by reiterating it. You can't.
All dwelling does is make you endure. When you begin returning to the past in your mind, maneuver yourself into the occasion. Concentrate on the great things in your present circumstance: the companions who arrive for you and the lessons you've discovered that will help you with future connections.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for ten minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.
2. Work on forgiving yourself.
You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life and if only you didn’t do it, you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
3. Don’t think about any time as lost.
If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
4. Create separation.
Hope can be an unpleasant thing on the off chance that it keeps you stuck before. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again. So as opposed to needing a particular individual to re-enter your life, need adoration and satisfaction, whatever that might resemble.
You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships, if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
5. Let yourself feel.
Losing a relationship can feel like a little demise, complete with a lamenting procedure.
To start with, you’re shocked and in denial. You don't believe it's over and you hold out hope. Next, you feel hurt and remorseful. You ought to have done things any other way.
At that point, you feel angry. It would be distinctive in the event that you gave it a second go. You wouldn't be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. At that point you may feel depressed and lonely as it hits you the amount you've lost.
In the long run, you begin tolerating what happened and move your focus from the past to what's to come.
You need to experience the feelings as they come, however you can offer yourself some assistance with getting through them quicker.
6. Remember the benefits of moving on.
When you let go, you give yourself peace.
You wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.
7. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.
When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless.
Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.
8. Embrace impermanence.
Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.
The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.
People may tell you it’s time you got over your relationship. Like with loss, you never need to "get over" it, however you may need to more forcibly move yourself on, and if you’re stuck, to take a new approach to doing so.
Hurtful experiences, ones that emotionally and logistically reset our lives, leave us with two choices: open up more or close down.
The more courageous decision—the one that will permit new things to enter your life—is to open up.
Go in, take a seat, see what happens. Allow your heart to say all that it needs regarding the relationship and whatever is laced with it. What emerges may surprise you.
9. Don’t go through this alone.
Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period of time. Avoid isolating yourself after a relationship break up it can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside professional help!
10. Recognize that it’s OK to have a mixture of feelings and reactions
It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused after a relationship ‘break up’. Some people describe themselves as ‘lost’ after a breakup it’s a normal reaction especially if it was a long term relationship with someone you were really attached to. You also may feel anxious about the future and you may have thoughts like ‘Will I ever get into a relationship again?’ Accept that reactions like these and the mixture of feelings will lessen over time.
Give yourself a new and different opportunity to leave it behind.
“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential
Reference and self-help guide here!
Written by: @Matildah